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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Blood Groups

89 replies

DiscoLightsOnAFridayNight · 13/01/2022 15:27

I’m not married but will use the in law abbreviations for ease.

I went to a family dinner at my PIL’s house on Saturday and FIL was playing ‘Supermarkets’ with the kids there and he used his blood donor card as a pretend credit card; I noticed that his blood group is A. Now a few years ago MIL and SIL donated blood at a drive I was volunteering at and I know for a fact that they are both blood group A as well. The thing is, my DP is AB.

I did some googling and know there can be rare variations in blood type when the O blood group is involved (either the parents or the resulting children) but as far as I can see random B’s can’t just pop up without a biological parent carrying it, is that right? I didn’t do too well in biology so I’m hoping some of you lovely people can give me a definitive answer either way as I can’t help but jump to conclusions here.

(I left out the +/- as I don’t think they make a difference but can add them if they do).

If the situation is as I suspect though, should I tell DP? There’s a whole complicated backstory involved and I don’t want to cause any trouble but at the same time, I would want to know if it was me and DP is very much that type of person too.

YABU - Leave well enough alone and keep your trap shut.

YANBU - Speak to DP about if it if there isn’t a simple explanation.

Thank you!

OP posts:
SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 13/01/2022 21:26

I would definitely want to know, but knowing might not be the best thing.

Difficult to decide!

XiCi · 13/01/2022 21:31

Absolutely no good can come of you bringing this up with your DH. None at all. WTF are you thinking? Stirring this up will only cause irreparable damage. And imagine if you told him all this and it turned out they were his biological parents. You could probably kiss your relationship goodbye at that point.

BiggestJulie · 13/01/2022 21:45

I don’t think it is a good idea to keep secrets within a marriage. I would discuss it with your DP in the gentlest possible way.

Sleepdeprived42long · 13/01/2022 21:48

Going against the grain here but DH is an adult, not a child to be protected from difficult information/conversations, and has the right to know this information. I think we all have a right to know who our biological parents are. Nobody (inc OP) who knows information like this should keep it from your DH even if this is done with the best of intentions.

If it were me, I’d just mention in passing that it seemed a bit strange that MiL and FIL are both A, yet you (DH) are AB? If he’s done some basic biology he might reach the same conclusion you have OP without you having to spell it out to him. Will then be for DH to decide what to do with that info.

lljkk · 13/01/2022 21:48

You know your DP more than strangers on the internet

^ Wisest words spoken on this thread

TakeMe2Insanity · 13/01/2022 21:53

If you are hell bent on having a conversation with someone have it with MIL. Personally I’d leave it alone.

MimiDaisy11 · 13/01/2022 22:23

A few people have mentioned having a talk with MIL about it. I have a nice kind future MIL but I can’t imagine bringing something like this up. How would you bring up the subject and wouldn’t you risk an awkward moment when it seems like you’re accusing her of infidelity.

If I was going to bring it up I’d do it to my husband and do what others suggest and just mention what you’ve noticed and let him take the lead on it or not if he chooses.

FirewomanSam · 13/01/2022 22:39

I’m so surprised by all the responses saying they’d never say anything. I would never, ever be able to keep a suspicion like this from my husband if I were in OP’s shoes. I’d feel sick every day thinking about it.

As you don’t actually have anything concrete to tell him I wouldn’t be making a dramatic fanfare about it but I’d absolutely give him the information I have and let him decide what to do with it. I just physically wouldn’t be able not to. That’s probably really selfish of me but I’d never forgive myself if he found out decades later, maybe when a parent died, and I had to admit I ‘knew’ or at least suspected all those years ago.

RobotValkyrie · 13/01/2022 22:58

Like others have said, typically two A parents (AA or AO) might produce an A or O child, but can't produce an AB child. One of the parents would have to be AB or B (BB or BO)

I would try to just forget about it. It's not your information to share.
A bit surprised your DH doesn't know the blood group of his own parents, though?

RedWingBoots · 14/01/2022 06:46

A bit surprised your DH doesn't know the blood group of his own parents, though?

I never knew the blood group of my parents but I do of some of my siblings.

I also don't know the blood group of my DD.

girlmom21 · 14/01/2022 06:57

I'd be pissed off if DP suspected my dad wasn't my dad and didn't tell me.

Numnumcookie · 14/01/2022 07:21

I'd be pissed off if my DP didn't tell me about something like this. I may be upset about it, but I would hate to be "handled". I'm an adult not a child.

Also as pp said it may give him some closure if that's the basis for the poor relationship with his mother. I couldn't imagine hiding something like this from my DP either and it's not like you went looking/digging for this information.

My DP's sister found out she had a different dad when they were children, but DP's dad is very much her dad too in her eyes because he raised her and she still had a fantastic relationship with him (their mum not so much, but then none of her children have a great relationship with her).

BitcherOfBlakiven · 14/01/2022 07:25

You’re correct.

I’m also AB, which I discovered at 17 when in hospital - it’s also the day I realised that my Dad wasn’t my biological father.

I’m 35 now and I’ve kept it to myself. I’m also 99% sure I know who my biological father is.

alienalan · 14/01/2022 08:11

Maybe he was adopted?

I wouldn't meddle

alienalan · 14/01/2022 08:13

@RedWingBoots

A bit surprised your DH doesn't know the blood group of his own parents, though?

I never knew the blood group of my parents but I do of some of my siblings.

I also don't know the blood group of my DD.

I don't know my parents, sibling, partner, child or my own
KiloWhat · 14/01/2022 08:16

Stay out of jt

anon12345678901 · 14/01/2022 08:23

What do you want to say to him? Your parents may not be your parents because I've done some Googling about blood types, let's ask them about it. It's not like a tv show, this could go horribly wrong and he also may not thank you for it. I'd be very sure you know how he may take the news.

tosspot · 14/01/2022 08:47

Your DP has right to know the truth. Secrets like this are revealed eventually and maybe too late for him to ask questions. I suggest you get ancestry dna kits for DP and FIL.

Hortensia16 · 14/01/2022 09:02

I would leave well alone. No good can come from you interfering.

FerretFumbler · 14/01/2022 10:55

Your misuse of obtaining confidential information and then trying to extract what you already know in a calculating conversation is appalling.

Who the hell else is volunteering and getting personal and confidential info and noseying about with it?? Hopefully other volunteers have more morals and abide by the law better than you do.

XiCi · 14/01/2022 11:12

Your misuse of obtaining confidential information and then trying to extract what you already know in a calculating conversation is appalling
Exactly this. Despicable person.

Misprit · 14/01/2022 11:17

Have you considered talking to MIL rather than DP? It depends what kind of relationship you have, of course. What she tells you might change what you decide to do about telling him.

Original poster
DiscoLightsOnAFridayNight · 14/01/2022 13:43

@FerretFumbler

Your misuse of obtaining confidential information and then trying to extract what you already know in a calculating conversation is appalling.

Who the hell else is volunteering and getting personal and confidential info and noseying about with it?? Hopefully other volunteers have more morals and abide by the law better than you do.

Oh ffs if you have questions just ask, don’t make up stories. I was giving out biscuits and juice after people had donated blood, I was in no way involved, had access to or was collecting any paperwork / confidential information / or processing anything. Yes I was volunteering at a blood drive AS A WHOLE EVENT but I was in no way part of the actual blood donation service who were there in an official capacity nor did I claim to be in my OP; I was there as part of the ‘after care’ team and was not connected to them in any way. It’s no different to the ice cream van who was also there giving out ice creams i.e a volunteer there but not actually connected to the actual blood service. People were mingling and chatting AFTER giving blood in the refreshment tent (away from the actual donation area as by this point they were done) and everyone was sharing their blood groups with each other - as funnily enough it was a blood drive - and that’s how I know. I did not obtain any information in any official capacity so I’m not sure that even comes under GDPR (I’m willing to be corrected on this) or how I’ve not abided by the law, in fact I’d be very interested to know exactly what law I’ve broken?

Yes I did then ask her if she remembered her blood group - believe me I’m now realising I shouldn’t have - as I genuinely thought I was wrong, as I said everyone was discussing their blood groups with everyone and it was entirely possible I misremembered AB as A.

OP posts:
Original poster
DiscoLightsOnAFridayNight · 14/01/2022 13:51

@XiCi

Your misuse of obtaining confidential information and then trying to extract what you already know in a calculating conversation is appalling Exactly this. Despicable person.
See my response to FerretFumbler as that’s not what happened. Maybe get your facts straight before going around throwing personal insults at someone. I’ve been stupid yes but at no point were my intentions nefarious in anyway.
OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 14/01/2022 14:03

No your response doesn't change things. Literally the only reason you had that info/had that discussion afterwards, was due to your role at a health event for which you should have displayed more control over your nosiness.