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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Isolating with seriously ill child

29 replies

Dotty08 · 13/01/2022 06:08

Hey mumsnet
So I have a four month old baby with a serious heart defect.

She spent the first two months of her life in hospital and has already undergone one open heart surgery. She is due for another urgent open heart surgery in the next few weeks.

She is a very unwell child but as with all heart babies you wouldn’t necessarily know it by looking at her.

When we came home originally she did meet all of our family - with masks on. We used to visit my partners parents weekly for the first month and his parents came to ours once a week too but every visit was so scary as they aren’t on board with wearing masks around her. Or wearing masks in general and they are just going about life as normal. Holidays, regular visits to the pub and large events (not judging at all life has to go on but for us atm it can’t).

Anyway after advice from her consultant and nurses that come out to her on a weekly basis we are now isolating and not seeing anyone at all. This is because of the risk of Covid and also even just a cold! We’ve been told if she gets even a cold she could be so ill she’d end up back in NICU.

The only person we do see is my mother because she is also isolating and only sees us.

I know my mother in law thinks we’re being OTT and continuously asks to see us, tries to guilt trip us and is getting very angry when we say no. She says we can’t do this we have to see her and we can’t isolate forever.

We aren’t trying to isolate forever though just until after our child has her operation and is recovered because at this point she should have a more functioning heart and more oxygen rich blood getting to her lungs.

AIBU to isolate? I’m just trying to keep my child safe but is it too extreme?

OP posts:
Debroglie · 13/01/2022 06:12

I think you’re doing exactly the right thing and your mother in law sounds awful.

Porcupineintherough · 13/01/2022 06:12

YANBU at all. You are her mum and dad and must do what you think is best for her and what is best for her is to stay healthy and have her op. It's not forever.

girlmom21 · 13/01/2022 06:13

You've been told to isolate by a senior healthcare professional because a minor bug could kill your baby.

If your MIL can't accept that baby's health is more important than her feelings I'd be reconsidering any kind of relationship.

Surely she must understand that she only has to wait a few more weeks.

chaosrabbitland · 13/01/2022 06:14

well i would think you have to follow the medical advice to isolate if thats what you have been told to do , will just have to repeat it to your mother in law next time she asks

user1958493 · 13/01/2022 06:16

So sorry your baby is so unwell.

I would not give a single shit about upsetting anyone, I would do whatever was needed to keep my baby safe and well. You are absolutely doing the right thing. I wouldnt even give it a second thought. Baby comes first.

Knittinglikemad · 13/01/2022 06:19

You are doing the right thing for your baby, I have a seriously ill baby granddaughter & she is in & out of hospital so much in her 7mths of being here. I have only physically seen her 4 times ( lots of FaceTime etc) to keep her safe, each time I took a lateral flow test, wear my mask etc. my daughter is having the same issue as you, in-laws that are annoyed they can’t waltz in & out, but she ended up on a ventilator after catching the cold from someone that had visited. So keep what you are doing, keep your baby safe until she is well enough to be around others.

Joystir59 · 13/01/2022 06:22

I would make one simple statement: 'We've been told to isolate by a senior healthcare professional because even a minor infection could threaten our baby's life' and then refuse to be drawn on the subject any more.

Sirzy · 13/01/2022 06:23

You have been told by the medical team to isolate. It’s not ideal but if it’s what is needed it’s what needed.

Could you invest in a portal type thing so you can do regular contact via video at least?

Hope everything goes well. Focus on looking after yourselves and your daughter.

Cam2020 · 13/01/2022 06:27

Bloody hell, no you're not at all. I can understand your MIL being disappointed but she sounds incredibly selfish and plain stupid if she can't see why you're isolating. I'd use it as a good opportunity to keep her at arms length, she clearly only has her own interests at heart.

daisychainsandrainbows · 13/01/2022 06:28

You're doing exactly what you've been told to do by somebody far more knowledgeable on your baby's healthcare needs than any of us here, so no need to seek reassurance over whether you're doing the right thing.

As for MIL, state that you hope life will return to more normality after your LO
has recovered from the operation but until then you're following advice from the consultant and if she wants to see you she will need to isolate.

Igmum · 13/01/2022 06:34

You're doing the right thing. Sending love to you and your baby ❤️Thanks

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/01/2022 06:48

Idk how you have managed to contain your composure with your mil. She is being very unreasonable. I would go in strong with a text or email. “The consultant has advised us to shield x to protect her as from serious risk of hospitalisation or death. Her needs supersede your wants and I’m sure you wouldn’t want harming x your conscience. We will let you know when it is safe to see her again.” If they persist whatever mud is slung, your response is “We are following expert advice, we will let you know when it is safe to see x again.” Then radio silence.

Bless you and your little girl. I hope she is able to have the surgery soon and safely. Flowers

changeyourname11111 · 13/01/2022 06:58

@Cam2020

Bloody hell, no you're not at all. I can understand your MIL being disappointed but she sounds incredibly selfish and plain stupid if she can't see why you're isolating. I'd use it as a good opportunity to keep her at arms length, she clearly only has her own interests at heart.
^ this
Darbs76 · 13/01/2022 07:00

Ignore your MIL, she sounds completely selfish

avocadotofu · 13/01/2022 07:02

You are ABSOLUTELY doing the right thing for your baby. If your mother in law would like to see your baby then she can isolate too. Honestly I don't understand people sometimes!!

canary1 · 13/01/2022 07:06

What on earth is wrong with the MIL? The situation and the advice is as clear as day, she can’t see baby until she has recovered post op. I hope you have support from your DH. The MIL shouldn’t be even asking this, it says a lot about her.
Best of luck for the operation and recovery

ColettesEarrings · 13/01/2022 07:11

YANBU. Your dh really needs to step in here and read her the absolute riot act.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 13/01/2022 07:13

MIL - Can Income and visit

You - unfortunately not, DD consultant has advised us to isolate due to her heart, you don’t want to risk DD life do you MIL?

Snoken · 13/01/2022 07:16

You are just doing your job as a parent, keeping her safe. Ignore any grumbles and carry on.

Good luck with the surgery!

RampantIvy · 13/01/2022 07:21

She doesn't have a clue does she?

Your DP needs to spell it out to her that you have been told (not advised) to isolate until after the operation.

I hope the operation is successful Flowers

Dotty08 · 13/01/2022 07:28

Thank you so much everyone.

I know I shouldn’t but I just needed other people to tell me because she’s so manipulative at times she gets in my head!

Makes me feel like the worst person in the world when she doesn’t get what she wants.

Thank you all for the advice and well wishes it means a lot! Flowers

OP posts:
Dotty08 · 13/01/2022 07:32

Oh I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you, your daughter and SIL. I really hope your granddaughter makes a full recovery and you can have lots of snuggles really soon.
Thank you for sharing this with me so I know I’m not alone.
I bet your granddaughter has the most fab knitwear!

OP posts:
Unsure33 · 13/01/2022 07:39

They won’t even wear masks around her? I would not trust them either if they suddenly say they will isolate and take LFT and the fact they get angry shows a disrespect for you all.

Hope the op goes well .

Pythonesque · 13/01/2022 07:40

Even pre-covid you would probably have been advised to restrict contacts at this point, especially in winter. Very best wishes that the next op goes as smoothly as can be hoped for!

Travelledtheworld · 13/01/2022 08:42

Sending my love OP because I had a baby with a serious heart defect and I understand. Make the most of the time at home with your little one because life for parents with a baby in ICU Is all consumîng. Paediatric cardiac surgeons are brilliant and you will see the best of the NHS with all you are going through. Fingers crossed.