Birthday cards/gifts at work

[user9870098]

My manager at work buys a birthday card and small gift for each member of staff when it is their birthday and the team write individual messages.
My birthday was last week and I didn't receive a card, I didn't think much of it at the time I thought maybe she wasn't buying them anymore. Today it was another colleagues birthday and a card came round for us all to sign 😔
AIBU to feel a bit upset about this?

Do they know when your birthday is?

@Chocomelon

Do they know when your birthday is?

yeah she asked me if I had enjoyed my birthday the day after.

YANBU. I think anyone would feel a little hurt by this.

Either she's forgotten or she doesn't like you.

Is there any reason why she may not want to gift you anything?

Sorry Ticked the wrong box. Yanbu.

@FriendshipsAreHardForMe

YANBU. I think anyone would feel a little hurt by this.

Either she's forgotten or she doesn't like you.

Is there any reason why she may not want to gift you anything?

I can't think of any reason, I work part time so don't know her as much as some of the other staff do. I am quite quiet but have had no work related problems with her.

As she is your manager, ask her, or just say you are hurt.

That’s mean

It’s awful but do other part timers get birthday presents? My guess it’s the part time part - being a part-timer myself.

Could it be that you are PT?

If other PTers get cards, you could just mention it and say you wanted to check there’s nothing wrong - it’s fine to do that. Equally fine to ignore it.

@Wrenna

It’s awful but do other part timers get birthday presents? My guess it’s the part time part - being a part-timer myself.

yeah the other part timers get a gift.

They forgot me off the secret santa too, had to redraw it to add me in 😥

That’s really thoughtless OP I’m sorry she’s done this to you

I think you would be totally justified in picking a relaxed moment and saying “Can I just check that everything is okay between me and the team? Do you have any feedback for me?”
And when she says “Yes, why?” You can just say that you noticed you had been left out of the secret santa and did not receive a birthday card when everyone else did. You can qualify it with “I’m not upset, I just want to check that there isn’t an issue I am unaware of?”

I understand though that it is hard to bring it up, esp. as a quiet member of the team. You shouldn’t be embarrassed though - your manager should be, however.

YANBU and I'd be a bit hurt, too! We don't do birthday presents though, only Smartshow 3d greeting cards emailed to you automatically but not receiving one when it's a set traditioun would still be a little off.

I've had this too.Favouritism is a bad thing in my opinion.
Personally I ignore ignore ignore.
Also buy yourself a treat I'm sure you deserve it.😀

Op thats crap. I think it should be all bought for or none. Not nice leaving people out.

I've had this too. Asked to chip in for some birthdays when others were completely ignored, year after year. So weird. I'm now in a new job where they acknowledge all birthdays.

Speak to her and say it’s not about card or gift, but the thought behind it and that being excluded makes you feel like you’re not a part of the team.

I’m sorry, it sounds like she’s done it deliberately.

YANBU I have been bothered over this sort of thing too. I put in for birthdays, new babies, new house, get well flowers, retirement... now either they think I am magic and do not age or it doesn't occur to them that in 3 years I might have had a birthday. I don't think it's anything against me, they just all go way back and have too much going on to be consistent about gifts and collections for those not ingrained on their radar. Which is fine but just don't pretend to be, just keep it amongst the inner circle.

@Scout2016

YANBU I have been bothered over this sort of thing too. I put in for birthdays, new babies, new house, get well flowers, retirement... now either they think I am magic and do not age or it doesn't occur to them that in 3 years I might have had a birthday. I don't think it's anything against me, they just all go way back and have too much going on to be consistent about gifts and collections for those not ingrained on their radar. Which is fine but just don't pretend to be, just keep it amongst the inner circle.

Same here. I’ve recently left the role, but in three years of working there I never once got a card or even a happy birthday on the work WhatsApp, even when newer members of staff did. It’s really hurtful. We were a really close knit team but perhaps they just didn’t like me in particular.

I wonder if there is a master list somewhere and somehow you are not on it? You should definitely ask, or it will fester.

That’s really awful. I run a small business and have a team of 3 staff working for me. I always make sure I buy them a small gift and card for their birthdays/Christmas just to remind them I appreciate them. I’d be mortified if I thought I’d forgotten one of them.

How many in team
How long have you been there
How well do you get in with a ur manager

@Tanaqui

I wonder if there is a master list somewhere and somehow you are not on it? You should definitely ask, or it will fester.

But they wished her a happy birthday...

OP I think it's odd and not very nice. Definitely ask.

That’s really mean OP, I would feel a little disappointed too, but probably wouldn’t mention it.

Our pa had a master list. All names on it. Op that is lousy. I be hurt too. Not nice being excluded

It might be just disorganization. I doubt that it's a deliberate attempt to snub or marginalize you, unless she does so in other ways. I really don't like the whole culture of birthdays-at-work, unless they're instigated by the birthday person. Partly because I consider my getting older to be no one's business but mine, and detest my own birthday - but also because it's so easy for bosses and colleagues to leave people out, or give some people better presents than others, and so create hurt and offence deliberately or often otherwise.