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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working Part Time

37 replies

MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 18:49

I have a daughter who is 13 and at high school.

I work part time 2.5 days a week, I also struggle with a severe anxiety disorder which I have done for years following a trauma. I have had treatment therapy, medication etc.

Sometimes I struggle to hold my job of 2.5 days a week (I am off sick a lot whichI hate) but my husband is now saying I should be working full time as I do not bring enough money in and as my daughter is now older there are no childcare costs etc.

I think deep down I know he's right its a luxury to work part time.

I've tried to get more financial help because of my mental health condition but its extremely difficult as I still dress myself feed myself etc.

AIBU? He thinks I should just go and get a full time position as money is extremely important.

OP posts:
careerswitcher · 12/01/2022 18:53

I found it stressful being the main breadwinner so I can sort of see his point. However he should be sympathetic to your situation and try and support you to find something better paid but which doesn't damage your health.

It all sounds a bit all or nothing, if you need the money could you slightly increase hours in your current role? Or look for a job for 3 or 4 days a week rather than full time?

comedycentral · 12/01/2022 18:55

I don't know if therapy is part of your life or has been part of your life but it sounds like your current situation is no longer working for your family. Or could you consider an additional income aside from what you do?

tricksyt · 12/01/2022 18:57

Are you having therapy or taking medication op?

Hugasauras · 12/01/2022 18:59

It's not as easy for you as just getting a full time job though, is it? Your health doesn't sound like it's in a good enough place to manage that just now. Instead, maybe you and your husband can work out a strategy for trying to increase your confidence and getting you ready to work more in the future.

Do you enjoy what you do just now or does it make your anxiety worse? Are you receiving treatment or medication?

Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 19:01

@Hugasauras

It's not as easy for you as just getting a full time job though, is it? Your health doesn't sound like it's in a good enough place to manage that just now. Instead, maybe you and your husband can work out a strategy for trying to increase your confidence and getting you ready to work more in the future.

Do you enjoy what you do just now or does it make your anxiety worse? Are you receiving treatment or medication?

Exactly. He thinks of money first our finances it seems is the most important.

I am receiving therapy and am on medication which I have done for a number of years.

I work for the NHS so it is possible I can keep my permanent role of 2.5 days a week and pick up bank shifts also.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 19:02

@tricksyt

Are you having therapy or taking medication op?
Yes both and have done for a number of years.
OP posts:
Hugasauras · 12/01/2022 19:04

The bank shifts idea sounds good, as maybe you can arrange shifts for times when you feel a bit brighter and then cut back to minimum when things are at the worst.

User0ne · 12/01/2022 19:09

Does dh do half the housework etc?

It's beside the point really though; "in sickness and in health etc". He doesn't sound very supportive

randomchap · 12/01/2022 19:37

You say that money is important, but is it tight? Can you afford to live with you staying part time?

Bank shifts sounds like a sensible thing to try as long as your husband understands it's a trial and you may not be able to stick to doing them if it's not working for you

Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 19:41

@User0ne

Does dh do half the housework etc?

It's beside the point really though; "in sickness and in health etc". He doesn't sound very supportive

No I do everything. I do the washing, cooking, cleaning, food shopping etc because he's at work full time.
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 19:43

@randomchap

You say that money is important, but is it tight? Can you afford to live with you staying part time?

Bank shifts sounds like a sensible thing to try as long as your husband understands it's a trial and you may not be able to stick to doing them if it's not working for you

We are in a reasonably priced rented accommodation to be honest and we can afford it. We do have some small savings but I think whats kicked it off is the bills have just come out and he says that money in the bank is just going down. It has because all our bills have just come out.
OP posts:
nuggetschicken · 12/01/2022 19:44

No I do everything. I do the washing, cooking, cleaning, food shopping etc because he's at work full time.

Ask him if he plans to do 50:50 when you're full time?
I would stay part time for now, I'm assuming you need to be around to help the 13 year old with homework? That's something I find difficult to juggle with working full time.

Poetrypatty · 12/01/2022 19:45

Lay down the ground rules and tell him he'll have to do everything around the house. Also, you'd have to plan for the school holidays.

Is your relationship good, do you feel supported by dh?

Poetrypatty · 12/01/2022 19:46

Sorry that should say half of everything around the house!

ikeepseeingit · 12/01/2022 19:50

You work 50% the amount he does and you still do 100% of the housework? Sounds like this is working for him! Does he realise how much effort you put into maintaining your home while having a mental illness and working part time? Does he understand that if you go to work full time he’s now doing 50% of all household tasks, including shopping, cooking, running around for your daughter. 50% of everything. Including the thinking. Will he actually pick up the slack and not just sit back and watch you suffer so he can have more money?

Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 20:34

@ikeepseeingit

You work 50% the amount he does and you still do 100% of the housework? Sounds like this is working for him! Does he realise how much effort you put into maintaining your home while having a mental illness and working part time? Does he understand that if you go to work full time he’s now doing 50% of all household tasks, including shopping, cooking, running around for your daughter. 50% of everything. Including the thinking. Will he actually pick up the slack and not just sit back and watch you suffer so he can have more money?
You know what I'm not sure. I think he would pick up half the housework and washing with regards to my daughter she is mine and not his and he complains when we have to pick her up now if shes out wjth her friends etc.
OP posts:
HairyScaryMonster · 12/01/2022 21:02

Could you start with just 1 extra shift a week and see how that goes?

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 12/01/2022 21:27

can you get pip with that diagnosis?

Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 21:57

@HairyScaryMonster

Could you start with just 1 extra shift a week and see how that goes?
Yes I could try this and do one shift.
OP posts:
Stiffcondomhat · 12/01/2022 22:02

I appreciate you've only said a few snippets but does he have any good points?

Valdes · 12/01/2022 22:06

Sympathy here on both sides.

It can be really tough to be the main breadwinner. Would you be willing to reduce your lifestyle to reduce the pressure on him?

Equally, if you are too unwell to work, maybe it's time to look at more medical and social support?

CayrolBaaaskin · 12/01/2022 22:09

I do think it’s fair enough for him to ask you to contribute financially as long as he contributes half of the housework

Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 22:31

@Valdes

Sympathy here on both sides.

It can be really tough to be the main breadwinner. Would you be willing to reduce your lifestyle to reduce the pressure on him?

Equally, if you are too unwell to work, maybe it's time to look at more medical and social support?

What do you mean willing to reduce my lifestyle?
OP posts:
FindingMeno · 12/01/2022 22:37

Could you work more and get a cleaner?
I'm suspecting roles in the home wouldn't magically even out if you increase your hours.

Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 22:57

@FindingMeno

Could you work more and get a cleaner? I'm suspecting roles in the home wouldn't magically even out if you increase your hours.
I doubt it very much, he's already concerned about the finances.
OP posts: