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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working Part Time

37 replies

MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 18:49

I have a daughter who is 13 and at high school.

I work part time 2.5 days a week, I also struggle with a severe anxiety disorder which I have done for years following a trauma. I have had treatment therapy, medication etc.

Sometimes I struggle to hold my job of 2.5 days a week (I am off sick a lot whichI hate) but my husband is now saying I should be working full time as I do not bring enough money in and as my daughter is now older there are no childcare costs etc.

I think deep down I know he's right its a luxury to work part time.

I've tried to get more financial help because of my mental health condition but its extremely difficult as I still dress myself feed myself etc.

AIBU? He thinks I should just go and get a full time position as money is extremely important.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDenzel · 12/01/2022 22:58

Thanks everyone.

I suppose I will have to work more regardless of how I am feeling mentally. On one hand it doesn't help being at home all day alone but on the other hand sometimes I just cant face the world.

OP posts:
Greenblue12 · 12/01/2022 23:15

I feel for you. I had some of the same struggles as you - it’s so difficult when you feel like you’re forcing yourself to go into work.

Can you pick up some hours in a seasonal job or short term contract in the other 2.5 days? Something where you know you’ve got a fixed end date to work towards might help ‘get through’ psychologically. Then have a break for a while and go back when needed/ready.

pinkstripeycat · 13/01/2022 10:46

When he complains about picking up your daughter tell him you had your daughter when he met you and she’ll always be your daughter. Parenting and pick ups will carry on for years

LovelyMoans · 13/01/2022 11:30

Can you get Pip based on your MH diagnosis?

On one hand it doesn't help being at home all day alone

It can be scary but working more genuinely can help sometimes.

FlasherMcGruff · 13/01/2022 14:02

Rather than making money by working an extra day or two in your job, is there something you can think of which you could do from home on the other days to bring in extra money?

strawberry2017 · 13/01/2022 14:13

It does sound like he's supported your part time working for years and being the breadwinner can be mentally exhausting.
As much as he might not be perfect I think he deserves some credit for supporting you. As someone who struggles with mental health issues myself I know from my partners point of view it can be difficult supporting me.
Partners of people with mental health issues never get any credit for what they go through supporting their partners. They instantly get called unsupportive.

Original poster
MrsDenzel · 13/01/2022 22:09

@Greenblue12

I feel for you. I had some of the same struggles as you - it’s so difficult when you feel like you’re forcing yourself to go into work.

Can you pick up some hours in a seasonal job or short term contract in the other 2.5 days? Something where you know you’ve got a fixed end date to work towards might help ‘get through’ psychologically. Then have a break for a while and go back when needed/ready.

I could pick up bank shifts at work so its as and when they are available and I choose when I want to work extra.
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDenzel · 13/01/2022 22:11

@strawberry2017

It does sound like he's supported your part time working for years and being the breadwinner can be mentally exhausting. As much as he might not be perfect I think he deserves some credit for supporting you. As someone who struggles with mental health issues myself I know from my partners point of view it can be difficult supporting me. Partners of people with mental health issues never get any credit for what they go through supporting their partners. They instantly get called unsupportive.
Yes I understand and it must be hard but he's never had to support me financially before. Ive always split everything 50/50 even on my part time wage and a child. Its only recently we have joined finances because it was ending up with me with no money because I have a daughter and work part time and was ending up with no money each month.
OP posts:
DSGR · 13/01/2022 22:17

I’m going to go against the grain here but I’d be unhappy with my DH working part-time if we had a 13yo. That 13yo should be taking themselves to and from school, can cook a simple snack or meal while you come home etc.
If your DH is happy to pick up half of the housework then I don’t think he’s wrong to ask you to go full time. You’re also in rented accommodation which will get harder as you get older and retire.
It’s difficult to support somebody with mental health problems (I did it for a long time) though I do really feel for you as it sounds hard. Maybe the extra work and money will do you good?
It’s perfectly possible for two people to work ft, split the housework and raise a child.
, maybe try chatting to your DH again about it all?

Original poster
MrsDenzel · 13/01/2022 22:34

@DSGR

I’m going to go against the grain here but I’d be unhappy with my DH working part-time if we had a 13yo. That 13yo should be taking themselves to and from school, can cook a simple snack or meal while you come home etc. If your DH is happy to pick up half of the housework then I don’t think he’s wrong to ask you to go full time. You’re also in rented accommodation which will get harder as you get older and retire. It’s difficult to support somebody with mental health problems (I did it for a long time) though I do really feel for you as it sounds hard. Maybe the extra work and money will do you good? It’s perfectly possible for two people to work ft, split the housework and raise a child. , maybe try chatting to your DH again about it all?
Yes I will do and I know its a luxury to be able to work part time when my child is 13 and I would absolutely love nothing more than to feel like my old self, to feel normal, to get up everyday and go to work full time like I used to.

I try and make up for it in other ways like doing all the housework, washing, food shopping, cooking etc.

I am going to try and pick up some more shifts and see how I get on but he hasn't financially supported me until recently we have split all the bills 50/50 until it was ending up me having nothing at the end of the month and him quite well off.

OP posts:
DSGR · 13/01/2022 22:43

Well that’s no good either, he shouldn’t be well off while you are struggling. That’s not fair and also needs discussing.
I’m sorry you’re struggling so much with your health, is there any more supper available to you for that? I do sympathise.. I was just seeing his pint of view as well

DSGR · 13/01/2022 22:43

Sorry for typos.. that should say support not supper! And point not pint

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