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Original poster

My friends don't want to be friends..

38 replies

bellalou1234 · 12/01/2022 15:04

I've had funny few months where all my friends have dried up so to speak. I've tried reaching out but no firm plans are ever made. Anyway a few months ago I seen on fb 2 of my friends were on a long walk, I would have jumped at the chance, it's something we've done before. I messaged and said hey next time I'll come. They've had a couple more walks meet ups no invite. I messaged one of the friends last week and she was like were going walking tomorrow you want to come, then she text to cancel in morning. Turns out they've been walking again today.. this is so childish but I'm so hurt...

OP posts:
IsDaveThere · 12/01/2022 15:13

It does sound pretty crap of them OP but the way I see it, you have 2 choices really. Accept that they don't really want to be friends with you any more or ask them why you aren't being invited. Neither option will be easy, I agree.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 12/01/2022 15:15

I'd ask them if you've done anything to upset them? It's horrible being left out at any age.

Rodion · 12/01/2022 15:16

That is hurtful. Unless one has some sort of super serious private issue she wants to discuss with the other on these walks it's quite a clear rejection. That said, rejections aren't always as personal as they feel - sometimes people are busy and just want to focus on one or two main friendships and let everything.drift, it's not always that they've singled out someone to be pushed away because they dislike them. So please don't feel faulty in some way because this has happened.

I would go with a screw 'em then attitude and do something like join a walking group.

lilikiki · 12/01/2022 15:19

Tbh I’d not bother to ask again
Delete them out of your phone book and slack them off
Yeah it hurts and they’ve treated you badly but what can be worse than feeling like the one no people are avoiding or dropping
I’d rather be alone

Original poster
bellalou1234 · 12/01/2022 15:23

Thank you everyone. I thought I was being too precious. The feelings take you right back to school. I'm deleting fb first it's no good for my mental health.

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 12/01/2022 15:35

Excellent idea to delete FB Smile. I find it puts you off people anyway Grin.

Sadly it seems that these friends didn't want you to go with them. The only thing that stood out for me from your post was that you messaged to say "hey I'll come next time." Don't tell! Ask them if that would be ok! I think it's a bit rude to invite yourself like that.

I agree with a PP, join a walking group - you meet all sorts Smile.

Chloemol · 12/01/2022 15:35

If they are behaving so badly I would call them out
Tell them you have asked to meet up, it was cancelled but then they met up with others in the group

You can’t think you have done anything to be so excluded and find their behaviour very hurtful and how would they feel if it was done to them?

They either tell you or they don’t

CrimbleCrumble1 · 12/01/2022 15:36

That sounds tough OP. Having a break from
Social media sounds a good idea. Do you have any other friends you could try and meet up with?
It could be one of them is going though something really difficult and just wants to meet up with your other friend at the moment.
I think the lockdowns and the pandemic have had a big impact on lots of friendships.

superplumb · 12/01/2022 17:47

Sack them off delete if sm and move on with your life. You deserve better

madisonbridges · 12/01/2022 17:51

That is very rude of them and I'd be so hurt. You're not being precious at all.

Original poster
bellalou1234 · 12/01/2022 18:48

I am hurt, but I am going to take this opportunity to try and do more. I'm going to try a fitness class or something with the hope of meeting people. I'm a socially anxious person so I hope I succeed.

OP posts:
StrifeOfBath · 12/01/2022 19:36

Really hurtful OP, but you are taking the right approach.

There is no excuse for them not being honest in some way, but are there reasons why they might want to walk without you? Any differences such as the pace you all walk or the length / strenuousness of walk? Do you use get togethers / walks as an opportunity to vent your built up
Problems, more than the others do? Do you eat all their sandwiches Wink.

You have been brave facing up to what is happening, anyway, and food for you for looking forwards.

Good luck!

TallyHoMyLittlePeachMuffin · 12/01/2022 19:49

That's really mean of them and I'd question if I wanted to know people like that let alone be friends with them
Walk away and keep your dignity

pictish · 12/01/2022 19:57

@Rodion

That is hurtful. Unless one has some sort of super serious private issue she wants to discuss with the other on these walks it's quite a clear rejection. That said, rejections aren't always as personal as they feel - sometimes people are busy and just want to focus on one or two main friendships and let everything.drift, it's not always that they've singled out someone to be pushed away because they dislike them. So please don't feel faulty in some way because this has happened.

I would go with a screw 'em then attitude and do something like join a walking group.

I agree with all of this, though as a walker I wouldn’t join a walking group because I find groups ghastly. But that’s just me.

Yes I can see why you feel burned. I’m so sorry, it is gutting. I wouldn’t put myself forward again either but what Rodin says is true. Not being for you doesn’t always equate being against you…just (dare I say it) indifferent to you. It’s small condolence but it may not be directed ‘at’ you so to speak. Only you will know the lay of the land there.

GullyGawk · 12/01/2022 20:03

What exactly did she say when she cancelled op?

pictish · 12/01/2022 20:06

Social media is such a brutal addition to our lives.

notacooldad · 12/01/2022 20:10

I agree with all of this, though as a walker I wouldn’t join a walking group because I find groups ghastly. But that’s just me Bit of a pointless comment as the thread isnt about your walking preferences.🤷‍♀️
The advantage of going in a group walk through, say Meet Up, is that you are not stuck with one person. People chat for a little while, if the group stops to look at something or whatever theres other people to talk to or not talk to if you dont want. There's groups of all different sizes and lengths of walks.
Theres bound to be something to suit and could help with your anxiety.

fairycakes1234 · 12/01/2022 20:10

@Chamomileteaplease

Excellent idea to delete FB Smile. I find it puts you off people anyway Grin.

Sadly it seems that these friends didn't want you to go with them. The only thing that stood out for me from your post was that you messaged to say "hey I'll come next time." Don't tell! Ask them if that would be ok! I think it's a bit rude to invite yourself like that.

I agree with a PP, join a walking group - you meet all sorts Smile.

@Chamomileteaplease how is that rude, they are meant to be your friends?
pictish · 12/01/2022 20:11

Sorry I was being flippant, not critical.

Flowersandhearts · 12/01/2022 20:12

That's horrible OP. It sort of sounds like the friend who invited you wanted to meet you but the other didn't? Maybe she's worried about Covid when meeting up with more people or maybe she's just a bit of a bitch. It sounds like a good idea to join more social groups and make better friends.

whirlycarly · 12/01/2022 20:17

Oh there is just so much of this about. Had a really similar and unexpectedly hurtful situation this week. Left out of something I'd have normally gone to without question. Really bizarre circumstances.

Turns out the person at the centre of my situation is possibly not very well and might need some help. I think mental health has taken a walloping across the nation and odd, out of character behaviour may not be anything to do with you, but a reflection of how bloody weird the last 2 years have been.

I'd definitely walk with you, by the way. It's made me think of joining a walking group. Smile

FaoinDrualus · 12/01/2022 20:18

Before giving up on them, maybe try initiating the walk invites? Eg. I was thinking of going for a walk on x-day, do either of you fancy joining?
They might just be thoughtless and if they havent seen you in a while they might just forget.
Sorry if you've already tried that, if thats the case then I agree its time to move on.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/01/2022 20:23

I can see that would be hurtful, and you won't know what's up (if anything) unless you ask. I probably wouldn't do it though for fear of sounding paranoid!

It may not be personal - I have a friend I go walking with and it works great because she is no-fuss. I can ring her at 9am, if she fancies a walk we can meet at 9:15, we walk the same (fast) speed, we are both geeky about plants, birds etc. I have another equally good friend who talks about joining us, but any plan involving her becomes complex, involves delay and waiting, she walks at a slower speed, oblivious to the environment while taking frequent phone calls. Great in the pub, rubbish in the nature - I would hate to think she felt excluded though.

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/01/2022 20:24

It’s not previous at all OP, it’s natural to be upset. You could ask them what’s up, but it’s most likely they both have something going on in their lives in common, and want to catch up.

I’d focus on building your life and interests up as you say, as that will lead to new friends. Some friendships do come and go, it’s just life.

BlueTuesday20 · 12/01/2022 20:26

Don't ask them again. Find something better to do without them. They are being mean and likely know it. You are worth more than that.