AIBU to think nursery are in the wrong? (my son bit another child)

[honeybee95]

Some context, my son is 2, and has been at the same nursery since he was around 16 months old. He started in the toddler around 2 weeks ago, and today I’ve had a call to say he’s bitten another child. Then not even 10 minutes later I’ve had another call from a different lady to the first to say he’s been sick, has a temp and has had a cough most of the day and can I go and collect him? Surely if that was the case they would have contacted me this morning? I just find the timing odd - he's bitten a child and suddenly he's unwell? I'm not saying he wasn't poorly, just the timing of things. Why didn't the original lady tell me when she rang? I just find it odd that he’s been sick after he’s bitten someone, which makes me think he’s been shouted at and he’s scared that’s why he’s been sick. Picked him up and he’s bright as a button, and has been fine since being at home, playing and bouncing around.

My son has never bitten anyone, of course these things happen but it’s just so out of character for my little guy. Anyway I’ve picked him up, the lady who came out with him didn’t have a clue about the incident, I’ve had to say isn’t there a form I need to fill out? She’s come back with it, and I’ve obviously asked what’s happened and she said she didn’t know as she didn’t deal with it? Am I in the wrong for being angry about the complete lack of communication? They’re all in the same room, surely they should be aware of all incidents incase they do each other’s hand overs. She didn’t tell me anything about his day. Not what he’s eaten, what he’s done. Just he was sick, bye pretty much. We had such a positive experience in the baby room for the last year or so, and I’ve never felt worried. Now I’m worrying about how he’s being treated by staff and children in the toddler room. Just feels like a complete disregard of care. Yes my son bit someone but as a parent I should know the circumstances, and be told about his day. I still have no idea about the circumstances.

In hindsight I should of stood my ground and asked for the lady/someone who did witness what had happened. My son was just desperate to get out of there.

But you had already been told what had happened?

When you pick up a child because they are poorly then it does tend to be a case of get there and get them home.

You should have been told about the events around the bite.
Not who, but if there were any triggers etc. the key worker should have handed over to you about his day and the bite.

That does sound strange. I don’t think they’d ring just to get rid of him after the biting (if you know what I mean) but seems weird that he isn’t ill at all. Ring the manager and have a chat with them and explain- say you’re upset he bit a child and want to know the circumstances so you can deal with it at home if similar happens.

Gosh it sounds like there was a bit of mix up. Do you think another child was sick and your contact details were sitting out on the desk or something?

My DD works at a Nursery and she said that in that case (biting) at her Nursery the most Sr member of staff would hand over so that is poor but the temp/illness clouds things as in that case they would hand over quickly.

I wonder if he was feeling poorly so the bite was because he was feeling rubbish and bit as a result of that?

Does seem a bit disorganised and odd. I would expect a proper handover about the biting from someone who witnessed it and could explain it, and if that wasn't possible than an agreement to discuss it at X time. The sickness thing is a bit weird too - if he'd been ill most of the day then seems like v weird timing to make two calls in quick succession and not have mentioned it the first time.

At our nursery I don't think you get called if your child bites someone anyway as there's not much you can do or say, really, over the phone! They talk about it at handover (DD hasn't bitten but overheard a discussion about it before).

You sound really annoyed about the biting. He’s 2. It happens. I highly doubt they shouted at him so much it made him physically sick.

@Muthalucka

I'm annoyed about the lack of communication around the biting. I have no idea the circumstance it happened.

And YANBU to want to know what happened. While children do bite and that's totally normal, if it's the first time it's happened and it's out of character, I'd definitely want to know what had happened. I think anyone would, really!

See how he goes OP, the toddler room may be too much for him and the staff not as nice. If you're not impressed look at some other places.

Sounds like poor communication and maybe an inexperienced or poor member of staff.

They probably just wanted to get him home as he had been unwell. I'm sure if you contact them they will gladly do a proper handover about the incident. Your response seems a bit over the top at this stage. Get in contact with them and if the communication is still poor, then fair enough. You even said yourself your son was desperate to get out of there

When is he next in, 48 hrs after sickness? Ask about it when you drop off, see what's going on and if who you are handing over to doesn't know then ask who will know, then ring and ask to speak to them at a quieter time. Drop off and pick ups aren't always perfect/with the right person.

I imagine if your son has covod symptoms they just wanted to get him out and away from themselves/the other kids? You were already told about the incident so I cannot fathom being annoyed that at a sick pickup they didn't go over the details. Call and ask to speak to his worker if you're still concerned.

When they rang about the biting, did you not ask about the context during the phone call etc?

today I’ve had a call to say he’s bitten another child.

This would have been a perfect opportunity to ask about the circumstances?

Its mostly that he bit another child because he was feeling unwell.

It could be that he bit because he was feeling ill in the first place, if it was out of character for him.

I would let this go as a one off incident, but if you aren’t happy about the communication in the future then send a factual email and ask for a written response. Keep emotion out of it. They take things more seriously with a paper trail.

I would listen to your gut. I have worked in nurseries and often the staff aren’t very kind towards the children.

Didn't they give you any information during the call about the bite? What was the purpose of the call?
And no information on the form either?

It could be that he bit because he was feeling off colour

Was there not a circumstances conversation when they rang about the bite? Our nursery it goes in the app Jonny and peer we're playing excitably blah blah Jonny bit another child etc.

Some of the girls are great in our room. Others are just very young. So communication is tricky. However I would be annoyed at them not knowing how it happened.

It does seem a bit odd and poor communication amongst staff. Maybe he was sick whilst the first person was on the phone to you and the person he was with at that time then quickly rang you to get him home, not knowing what had gone on previously? It sounds like his sudden sickness may have put everything into chaos. Ring and speak to his key worker to find out more about the bite. Hope he's ok now.

Whilst the two phone calls one after another is odd, as a teacher if I'd spoken to a parent on the phone I wouldn't expect to have to relay the situation to someone else for them to have the same conversation with the same parent at pick up. That's the whole point of the phone call surely - so the matter is dealt with in case the adult involved is not available later?

The timeline of events may not necessarily match the phone calls.
The biting incident may have occurred an hour or so earlier and they waited for a quiet time or break or lunch to be over to make the call.
Then by coincidence as that person called, he was sick. So it sounds like the two followed directly to you but not necessarily to them