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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to my DS as I think too long a day

116 replies

Whatayear81 · 11/01/2022 15:28

My children go to a very sporty independent prep school.

My almost 9 year old DS has been selected for school swim squad. He needs to be in the pool by 7.30am at school. We are a 15 min drive to school.

During the day, he will then have a double lesson of PE (would be rugby or hockey)

And then at the end of the day he has water polo club until 5.45pm.

So out the house from 7.15 to 6.20pm ish. And a very full on day.

He needs to stay on for after school water polo to fit worn my work.

I am not keen on him doing the morning swim squad but he is absolutely and utterly desperate to do it. Logistically I could do it, my question is - is it too long and full a day for a just turned 9 year old?

Normal school day - drop at 8am and pick up either 4.30 or 5.45pm

Needless to say he’s keen but this is a child fast asleep by 7.30pm every night without fail!

Tia

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/01/2022 15:45

Your ds will probably manage once a week and if he doesn’t, you pull him out. They cannot force your ds to go all term if it’s too much.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/01/2022 15:46

In re terms, he's only at school an extra 30 or so minutes right? So up a little earlier but not massively. I'd let him.

Ultimately what happens if he's a bit tired by water polo? Is he in the squad or is it just a time filler for after school club?

Panda368 · 11/01/2022 15:47

There is a good reason why many pro swimmers are forced to retire with shoulder injuries at 25 - heavy repetitive wear on joints that are still forming from a young age. Make sure he is warming up properly and get him into the habit of stretching.

Par for the course of he wants to be a good competitive swimmer though - 2 hours morning and evening from age 12 upwards isn’t unusual.

I’d go for it and see how he survives the first term and if it’s not impacting his school performance or making him unhappy keep going

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/01/2022 15:48

Let him try it for a bit?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 11/01/2022 15:49

It's a bit unfair to say he has to stay on to do water polo to fit around your work but not let him do swimming if he really wants to because its a long day. Let him try it

edwinbear · 11/01/2022 15:49

He might be though OP! DS started like yours in a school squad, he's 12 now and on Saturday he has county champs, 1.5hr drive, away between 3pm - 8pm.

user5656555 · 11/01/2022 15:50

You're being precious. My 8 year old has activities twice a week until 7/7.30 and my 11 year old has 3 sporting clubs back to back one night a week until 8.30!- his choice. If they want to do it, they find the energy! Don't hold him back, you'll know if it actually is too much.

Original poster

Whatayear81 · 11/01/2022 15:51

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

It's a bit unfair to say he has to stay on to do water polo to fit around your work but not let him do swimming if he really wants to because its a long day. Let him try it

Please don’t make negative assumption

He adores water polo. That’s his priority.

Even if he didn’t, he’d have to stay after school and do another club because of my work.

It’s a nice coincidence that he adores it. But as I say, if he didn’t - he could change

OP posts:

CoastalWave · 11/01/2022 15:54

That's hardly anything. Let him do it.

My 9yr old daughter has been doing 15hrs a week gymnastics since she was 6, on top of tennis and a two other 'hobby' sports.

She's barely in the house. Sleeps brilliantly and is incredibly fit and happy.

PlantBasedPlatypus · 11/01/2022 15:55

I think you are reasonable to think this through, and you probably should ask school if they can keep you updated on how he is during the lessons on that day, and the following day for a little while.

I would also let him know you have concerns, but I would let him participate in the squad.

This may be a good time to show him it can take some time to think things through rather than making a rash decision too. It's a honour to be invited to any sports team or squad, but with that comes the responsibilities of upkeep in all your other priorities too - and that includes academic work, chores, and "looking after himself (rest etc.)".

PlantBasedPlatypus · 11/01/2022 15:56

And for people saying "it's nothing" etc - 11 hours in an academic setting, whether it involves playing sport or not - it's a very long day.

QueenJeanie · 11/01/2022 15:56

Let him do it

Tell him it's for the term so he needs to commit to that and then you can see how he goes

If it's too much then he can stop at Easter

Hellocatshome · 11/01/2022 15:58

Would he be doing morning swimming, double PE then after school water polo everyday? Even if he was I would say yes but if its only on a few days I would say definitely yes. If he doesnt like it he can always stop doing it. You sent him to a very sporty independent school so this is the kind of thing you signed up for is it not?

Hawkins001 · 11/01/2022 15:58

@Whatayear81

If it was just that - I would t hesitate

But for a just turned 9 year old

To have 45 min swim
Then double rugby or hockey 2 hours later(and very full on!)
And then an hour water polo (exhausting sport!) at the end of the day

It was the combo that I was condensed about

I understand your perspectives and concerns, but if he does not try then he could resent the missed opportunities, better to try then your ds, realises it's too much.

bcc89 · 11/01/2022 15:58

He's doing the water polo to fit around your work, so I wouldn't want him resenting that and not being allowed to do the sport of his choice. Let him do it.

Stompythedinosaur · 11/01/2022 15:58

I think I'd give it a try. My dc were doing a day a bit longer than that from quite a young age due to a need for wraparound childcare that fitted with my shifts and they adjusted to it. I don't think three sporty activities a day is too bad for a fit kid.

Original poster

Whatayear81 · 11/01/2022 16:00

@PlantBasedPlatypus

And for people saying "it's nothing" etc - 11 hours in an academic setting, whether it involves playing sport or not - it's a very long day.

And very very academic

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatayear81 · 11/01/2022 16:01

@bcc89

He's doing the water polo to fit around your work, so I wouldn't want him resenting that and not being allowed to do the sport of his choice. Let him do it.

Please read previous response to same assumption

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatayear81 · 11/01/2022 16:02

Thank you all

I can wait to collect him tonight to tell him…. Yep, we will do it for a term and see how he goes!

If it was in summer, somehow better but leaving when dark and coming back when dark… in Jan and Feb - well, I somehow made it seemed bigger than perhaps it is

OP posts:

user5656555 · 11/01/2022 16:03

Oh sorry disregard my post, my son is state educated so only has an academic day, not a very, very academic day

PlantBasedPlatypus · 11/01/2022 16:03

@Whatayear81 - I also think you need to raise the possibility that other opportunities may come up in the future, and he simply cannot do everything, so needs to know if he makes the commitment now, he may have to make a choice further down the line.

I know a very similar sounding school and I just wish they would offer all the opportunities at once each term/year - it's very confusing for the children to then have to turn down something that they would rather do or then to have to make a choice and give something up they actually enjoy as well. I'm definitely an "all cards on the table" person though.

Popskipiekin · 11/01/2022 16:03

Hi OP, useful to hear DS adores water polo. My suggestion was going to be he switch to a non watery and non active after school activity, if possible, but given he wants to do it then that’s out! My only other (silly) thought is that he’ll need two lots of swim stuff and towels etc as they’ll be wet from the morning unless school has those spinner facilities…
Sounds like DS really wants to do it and if it causes you not too much hassle then just do for a term and see how it goes. I expect at some stage he will have to cave and one of the watery activities will go - but maybe he will surprise me / you!

EveningOverRooftops · 11/01/2022 16:03

You lose nothing by trying. Give it a shot and let him know you’re willing to try but if it starts to affect him then it will have to change.

Just be sure to send him in with extra snacks and drink or some money for extras to account for all the activity he is doing.

Hell be tired but that might be a blessing in disguise for you

PlantBasedPlatypus · 11/01/2022 16:04

@user5656555 oh, I can name some very, very academic state schools too - I'd be saying exactly the same in those cases.

Most adults I know don't even work those hours!

bcc89 · 11/01/2022 16:05

You originally said "He needs to stay on for after school water polo to fit worn my work" so that's where I got that from, sorry. My opinion still applies though, I would feel a bit uneasy if I told my child she had to continue an activity for me, but couldn't do the one she chose.

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