to want a cleaner

[HedgehogintheFog]

I want a clean house, but don’t want to do it myself! DH is uncomfortable with the idea of someone being in/cleaning our house. As soon as having a cleaner became a financial possibility for us, we discussed and compromised that he would do all the cleaning. The house is never as clean as I would ideally like, but I can very happily live with it, and it’s certainly acceptable.

DH has now decided he is moving from the public sector to the private sector for his own career development/challenge. It will be more money, but longer hours, less flexibility and probably more stress.

Am I being unreasonable to insist we get a cleaner? He says he can still do it, but in reality I know I will have to more because he will not have time.

It is not a financial issue. I could easily pay for a cleaner myself from my salary and would happily do so. It is a privacy issue for DH.

We contribute evenly to the mortgage/bills and although I do no cleaning, I do all the cooking, the shopping and most of the life admin for us.

So AIBU to want a cleaner even though DH is strongly against it?

If you keep the house nice and keep yourself nice, you’ll have a happy husband. Just get up half an hour earlier whilst he’s still asleep, and make him a brew as you tidy and warm his clothes. That will keep on top of things.

Just get one and don't tell him.

Your laziness doesn't trump his desire for privacy

Cleaner here... I really have no interest in your private affairs...
As long as I can find some dust and a cobweb I am happy!!

@araiwa

Your laziness doesn't trump his desire for privacy

All that cooking, shopping life admin, and life admin really screams lazy... she contributes equally and wants a clean house. H either cleans it, or agrees to the cleaner. You sound awful, btw.

So much life admin I named it twice!

Could you reach a compromise with a cleaner?

You tell them where you want cleaned and they shouldn't be nosing around elsewhere. So find out what exactly he's uncomfortable sharing. I kind of get someone cleaning your bedroom can feel a bit odd. But kitchens and shared bathrooms less of an issue surely? Perhaps if you had someone in to do kitchen, bathrooms, living room it will take some of the pressure off you but also make him feel less like it's an invasion of his personal space.

DH and I were feeling a bit like your husband before we finally took the plunge and got a cleaner.

We got over it really, really fast

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies

Cleaner here... I really have no interest in your private affairs... As long as I can find some dust and a cobweb I am happy!!

This is what I keep telling him! I think it’s because he is a nosey wotsit who would be snooping round people’s houses. 😁

@Antsinmypantsneedtodance

Could you reach a compromise with a cleaner?

You tell them where you want cleaned and they shouldn't be nosing around elsewhere. So find out what exactly he's uncomfortable sharing. I kind of get someone cleaning your bedroom can feel a bit odd. But kitchens and shared bathrooms less of an issue surely? Perhaps if you had someone in to do kitchen, bathrooms, living room it will take some of the pressure off you but also make him feel less like it's an invasion of his personal space.

Actually, this is a great idea. We could start with just the kitchen and bathrooms and when he sees how much he enjoys having someone else clean those he might change his mind about the other rooms. And hopefully he’ll realise that and that nobody, however nosey, would ever be interested in our boring lives anyway!

We don't have a cleaner anymore because DH likes cleaning, but it's not to my standard - skirting boards and all that guff. I don't clean and have no desire to.

What I do now is 6 times a year get in a deep clean team, they're fab so he's happy doing what he likes and I get a properly clean house and I've never told him.

I do do all laundry / cooking / meal planning etc!

DH is a very private person, who was not keen on having a cleaner. It was my condition for us moving in together, so he reluctantly agreed.

He is now very much in favour, just of the service we now use. It's just about getting the right person and him getting used to it.

Good luck

I never snoop!! I imagine if I accidentally found anything untoward I could never look them in the eye!!
Tell dh I am sure his gimpmask is safe!!
I am good however at finding lost items!!
Including 1 lost brand new school shoe and phones +TV remotes!

Jeez. Tell your husband to get over himself. He seriously over estimates how interesting his stuff might be to any cleaner.
And he’s really worried then he can get a locked drawer or cabinet and put all his fascinating things in there.

Your laziness doesn't trump his desire for privacy

Wow, I'm gobsmacked at that comment - I hope it's tongue in cheek?

OP - as long as you use a proper company (not a private ad) you'll be fine. Cleaners really dont have time to riffle through your private things - they're cleaning. And if he's really bothered you could place a few baby monitors around so they think you might be watching them (although I personally would feel uncomfortable doing this - but I know people who do).

Anyway what's your dh so worried she'll find? Do you have a red room of pain? 😂

I would start with bathrooms and the kitchen and see how he feels. Maybe then just downstairs rooms and no bedrooms.

I think people seriously overestimate how interesting other people find their lives. I have done housekeeping in a hotel, even as a teenager I was never interested in what people had left out. I was there to clean to a high standard, not spend time looking through stuff.

@Westmeathtip

If you keep the house nice and keep yourself nice, you’ll have a happy husband. Just get up half an hour earlier whilst he’s still asleep, and make him a brew as you tidy and warm his clothes. That will keep on top of things.

Haha o behave she doesn't want to nor should she have to.

Get cleaner when husband working then tell him you done it.

the privacy issue is silly. Its like a gynae - they dont see your 'private parts' as personal, its part of the job. As someone who has a cleaner every week.....please do it! Its an immense relief to come home to a clean home and it takes an enormous load / pressure off of me. Your husband is really being a bit selfish and unreasonable here.

It is lovely having a cleaner. Fortunately for me a friend started a cleaning business - so I completely trust her

I think my DH had similar reluctance, but has got over it albeit wants to be in when the cleaner comes. We still haven't got around to getting one though - said we would get one when one or other of us got a pay rise. Then we were saving for our wedding. Said we would get one when I started my new job. Then when we moved house. So, we have now just moved house, both work long hours so have very little time (or inclination) to clean but can comfortably afford it. My question to wise Mumsnet is how does one then go about finding a cleaner in a new area? Local Facebook groups, that sort of thing?

If you don't want to clean the house and he doesn't want a cleaner, then the obvious answer is that he does the cleaning, isn't it?

Cleaning is such awful drudgery, I hate it. Really hate it. The best money I spend all week is when my cleaner comes and blitzes the house for 3 hours.

@araiwa

Your laziness doesn't trump his desire for privacy

I have a cleaner. Like most people who have them, the reason I do is that it frees up my time at the evenings and weekends to spend as a family, help with homework, take kids to extra curricular activities etc. The whole family benefits. It's nothing to do with laziness. HTH.

@araiwa

Your laziness doesn't trump his desire for privacy

Ignore gobshite like this.

If he refuses a cleaner, he can do it all himself then.