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AIBU?

to want to kill (or maybe just send back) my MIL?

43 replies

canella · 24/12/2007 12:30

they've come over last wednesday and she has spent the whole time forcing her christmas traditions on us!! they're german and i quite understand that they do some things differently - dh and I have compromised for years about when to give the kids they're presents - they get german relation presents on xmas eve and british ones on xmas morning (even thought it spoils the whole santa coming in the night story!!)
but this year is the first time they have come here for christmas - they're not happy the kids are watching tv - they think we should be listening to christmas carols all day!!!! the kids are 6, 3 and 1 FFS!!!! they're not happy that friends have bought the kids presents - they think our children are spoiled!! they're really not - the friends who bought the presents are the ones we see all the time and since we've no family near us they're like our family!!
but now she's nearly physically pushed me out the kitchen so she can sort xmas dinner!! part of me thinks go on bust a gut but the other part is pissed off that i will cause a fight if i try to make the food that we would normally eat! xmas is not xmas without roast potatoes!!! she's already told dh that she wouldnt dream of serving them on the same plate as her precious goose!!

sorry for the big rant - dh at work and no use for ranting to anyway! he's stuck between the 2 of us!!

wonder how early i can start drinking!!

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edam · 24/12/2007 12:31

Grrrrrrrrrrr on your behalf.

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Dynamicnanny · 24/12/2007 12:32

Sounds like fun!!! just let her make the goose and later suff some roast potatoes in the oven and hide whilst eating them

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merrydaisy · 24/12/2007 12:33

Get out the gin now!

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Saturn74 · 24/12/2007 12:33

Get your DH to talk to her.
It's his mother.
He has to stand up to her and make it clear that she is over-stepping the mark.
That it is your house (yours, your DH and your DCs), so your family traditions take precedence.
She is being rude and over-bearing.
What an unpleasant guest.

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canella · 24/12/2007 12:35

sometimes you just need a big rant on mumsnet! i just needed to escape upstairs! forgot to sya - while we were out yesterday she took everything out the fridge and rearranged it - siad it wasnt how she would put things in a fridge!! as if you would do that in someone else's house!! i'm 33 FFS - think she thinks i'm 12!!

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canella · 24/12/2007 12:38

i told her yesterday that she wasnt allowed to say in front of the children that she thought they had too many presents - she was making the oldest feel uncomfortable! she's always thought i'm not good emough for her son but i fel smug that i'm a better person cause i know i would never do those thing in someone else's house!!

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boHOHOhemianbint · 24/12/2007 12:45

Aren't in-laws wonderful? There ought to be a cure for them by now, surely...

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TuttiFrutti · 24/12/2007 12:46

She sounds a nightmare. HymphreyCushion is right, you must ask dh to sort this out. She will listen to him more than you, and you need to make it clear to her that her passive aggressive behaviour will not work.

Why is it only mothers of sons who behave like this???! I am determined that when my (2 year old) ds grows up, I will NOT behave like this to his wife.

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gingerninja · 24/12/2007 12:51

Crikey, how awful. Can you tell her that you'e disappointed because you wanted to give them a 'British cultural experience' ? She probably wouldn't buy into that would she?

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canella · 24/12/2007 12:55

gingerninja she definitely wouldnt buy into that! she came over one time before and said that she had deliberately eating well before she came because she thought the food would be terrible while she was here!! she was eating my home cooked meal at the time!! and it was quite nice i thought!! evil witch that she is!!

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canella · 24/12/2007 12:56

...

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karen999 · 24/12/2007 12:57

I feel your pain......my ILs are here also - for 2 weeks!! It's awful, am trying hard though....

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EffiePerine · 24/12/2007 12:57

Roast potatoes on Boxing Day? Gin?

Could you escape with the kids for a walk while she is cooking Xmas dinner

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EffiePerine · 24/12/2007 12:58

no in-laws for us until 29th dec

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karen999 · 24/12/2007 13:00

Is it too early to open the Baileys? I swear the bottle in the kitchen is talking to me....

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SpeckledHen · 24/12/2007 13:05

canella - hugs! i have italian mil just like that. sheer hell if she comes here. nothing i do is good enough. i am expected to do all childcare [fine since they are my kids] while she gets up late, does the washing and ironing and takes over the kitchen. know it sounds petty but it is my f--ing house and i have no problem with juggling it and i don't want someone else doing the washing and cooking. how dare she??? i end up getting up on a school day not knbowing where things are. she tells me kiddies are cold all the time. i have read other threads, thought about whether straight talking is worth it, decided never to invite her, but to suffer her while having a drink....dh would never stand up to her. she is an awful controlling woman who likes to think she is a saint.

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SpeckledHen · 24/12/2007 13:05

canella - hugs! i have italian mil just like that. sheer hell if she comes here. nothing i do is good enough. i am expected to do all childcare [fine since they are my kids] while she gets up late, does the washing and ironing and takes over the kitchen. know it sounds petty but it is my f--ing house and i have no problem with juggling it and i don't want someone else doing the washing and cooking. how dare she??? i end up getting up on a school day not knbowing where things are. she tells me kiddies are cold all the time. i have read other threads, thought about whether straight talking is worth it, decided never to invite her, but to suffer her while having a drink....dh would never stand up to her. she is an awful controlling woman who likes to think she is a saint.

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SpeckledHen · 24/12/2007 13:07

shd have added top tip for me, - find i prefer to visit her at her house rather than having her here! guess it is agood thing your mil lives in germany. no such luck with mine.

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andiemisletoe · 24/12/2007 13:07

no karen no in laws for me at all [runs out of mn screaming yipppeeeeee]

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pukkapatch · 24/12/2007 13:11

let her have the sodding kitchen if she wants it.
roast potatoes really arent that important you know.
let her do some things her way. its christams for her too, and if you let her do things then she might, might, appreciate it. whilst youget sot spend time with your kids, instead of in the kitchen.
dont invite them over tnxt christmas.
and christmas is more about family than it is about roast potatos.

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Desiderata · 24/12/2007 13:15

Mein Gott! She sounds like a nightmare.

German cuisine has got to be the worst in the world. She's having a larf, surely?

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CharlieAndLolasMummy · 24/12/2007 13:19

oh god, aside from the german bit, I think we may have the same MIL . But mine is from Norwich...

The main thing is, as humphrey said, overstepping the mark. Mine bascially takes the approach that her son's house is her house .

its crappy. Dp DOES get caught in the middle-yep. Its his mother. Don't really know what to do, tbh. Of course we spend hours listening to tales of Her Awful MIL

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Rookietherednosedreindeer · 24/12/2007 13:27

Why don't you have an alternative christmas dinner once she has gone. Stock up on all the goodies on boxing day when they are on half price bung em in the freezer and have a celebration the day after she leaves.

We are going to my mums for dinner tomorrow and it will be generally fab but I hate her hideous homemade apricot stuffing, its basically breadcrumbs and apricots and nowt else. Some years I have tried to bring extra stuffing and that has gone down like a tonne of bricks, and fair enough probably, however this year we are having all the trimmings I want when DSs family come to ours.

Leave her to it, take your kids out for a walk, have fun somewhere, drink mulled wine, a very worthy German invention.

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canella · 24/12/2007 15:59

thank the lord you all have terrible MILs too! i just went upstairs at lunchtime - read a book and had a snooze while ds's were asleep! then felt a bit smug that she was busting a gut downstairs and i was getting to do the things i never get to do with 3 young ones!!
But its not really about the roast potatoes!! its about her having some respect for other cultures and not just presuming that everyone wants her christmas dinner. i've not got to 33 years old without having some traditions of my own and feel there being overlooked in my own house.
but i dont feel its to early for a drink anymore so merry xmas to everyone who replied!
they're going on the 28th! it'll be roasties all weekend!!

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beeper · 24/12/2007 16:12

Do the english have a christmas culture.

The christmas tree and the yule log all come from Germany. This country mainly had raucous fertlitly rights before the church meshed the jesus story over the top of it.

Although I dont do xmas.....if someone tried to deprive me of roasties it would be aprons at dawn.

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