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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her I do have time?

30 replies

Dontletthemuggglesgetyoudown · 09/01/2022 21:17

I'm 30, 31 in July. I started a new job in November, and I'm finally coming off medication that has made me put on a bit of weight.

I want to take this year, lose weight, get fit, go on a holiday or 2 and then start trying next year when im 31.5 I told my mum about my plans to wait a bit because we were talking about initially trying again this year and she said I didn't have any time to wait and we should get going immediately because of my age..

Aibu to think that 31 is not too old to start trying for a baby?

OP posts:
BeachTree · 09/01/2022 21:19

You are definitely not too old. Your mum sounds like a delight. Good luck and wish you the best with your plans x

Holly60 · 09/01/2022 21:25

It’s a difficult one, because you never know how easy it is going to be for you to fall pregnant until you start trying. It could be that you fall pregnant immediately with no problems, in which case of course it’s not too late. However you only really need to take a cursory glance at mumsnet to know it’s not always that straight forward. It could be that you struggle to get pregnant, or that it turns out you need fertility treatment. By the time you’ve realised that and gotten the ball rolling time will have passed.

Also factor in if you want more than one child .

Yes it’s important to prioritise you but I’m sure there are many childless-not-by-choice women who wish they had started trying for a baby as soon as they were in a position to do so.

Pompom2367 · 09/01/2022 21:26

I just had my first she was born 2 weeks before I turned 34

Darbs76 · 09/01/2022 21:28

31 isn’t old at all, you’ve got another 10yrs at least. Yes risks increase as you get older, but generally over 35. Waiting a little while longer won’t make any difference

lunar1 · 09/01/2022 21:28

You have no idea if you have time. I had years of fertility treatment and loss to have my children at 28 and 30. Leaving it later for me would probably have meant it wouldn't have happened.

KiloWhat · 09/01/2022 21:30

If you started a new job I'd try and make sure you qualify for any enhanced mat leave etc if you can

furbabymama87 · 09/01/2022 21:30

I don't think it's too old to get pregnant but if I was wanting to start a family I'd make that my priority because you never know how easy or hard it could be.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/01/2022 21:31

No one knows. It’s probably ok. It might not be. You might get pregnant first month, first year, five years, ten years, never.

FelicityPike · 09/01/2022 21:39

I had my first at 36.

Charikins · 09/01/2022 21:48

31 is a normal age these days! I had my first at 27 and a large number of the mothers at the baby groups that I befriended were 40 or close to/just over that age. I was by far the youngest! Now saying that, fertility declines each year so bear that in mind. I'm 31 and due the start of Feb with baby 2 and I had to have IVF so also be aware that if you do have difficulties conceiving the process of investigation takes a long time (NHS referrals after 1 year ttc then add waiting lists and the local CCG rules can mean you're nearer to 40 by the time you succeed getting pregnant) or expensive if you go private.

gobbledygoook · 09/01/2022 21:51

The answer depends on so many things, personally I'm 28 and have been trying for nearly 3 years. Finally getting investigated this year (thanks covid!), so for me, if I had started then it might have been too late. I know people mid thirties who got pregnant first time trying! It's a question you can't answer unless you're either psychic or a fertility expert I'd imagine.

secular39 · 09/01/2022 21:52

@Darbs76

31 isn’t old at all, you’ve got another 10yrs at least. Yes risks increase as you get older, but generally over 35. Waiting a little while longer won’t make any difference
No way would I want a newborn baby in my 40's
Theunamedcat · 09/01/2022 21:56

I had one at 33 and one at 37 you have time

SelkieQualia · 09/01/2022 22:05

I was that age when I started trying. Fell pregnant immediately with my first. Tried for a second 2 years later, took well over a year to get pregnant. In retrospect, I was starting to go into premature menopause. Have not been able to have a third, which I deeply regret.

lanthanum · 09/01/2022 22:06

My mother was the oldest in the maternity home when she had me at 24, and by the time she had my brother at 32 was classed by the midwives as an "older mother". She wondered whether I was too (at 35), and I had to explain to her that 35 was pretty much average nowadays where I live. Your mum might just be coming from a different perspective.

SelkieQualia · 09/01/2022 22:10

If I could have my time again I definitely wouldn't have waited.

flippertyop · 09/01/2022 22:11

I was 34 so I don't think it's old. That said I know people who have struggled to get pregnant. No right or wrong here - you both have a point

Poppy101010 · 09/01/2022 22:17

If this year isn't the right time for your then I'd wait. If you lose weight and feel better mentally then you are more prepared for a healthy pregnancy. Nobody knows how much time they have left to start a family - but you need to be in the right headspace to do so. I wish you well OP.

Ryanstartedthefire2 · 09/01/2022 22:32

I'm 37 and I feel like my age is too late. Lots of my friends having multiple miscarriages too. I'd tell my younger self to hurry up. You might be fine but you don't want to miss your window. Don't wait x

JennyForeigner · 09/01/2022 22:33

There seems to be a typo here OP. Start worrying when you change that 3 to a 4.

secular39 · 09/01/2022 22:34

Personally I would try this year

Findingthelight1 · 09/01/2022 22:40

In your shoes I would start trying now, if you know you definitely want a family.
Yes there are loads of people who have their first babies in their mid to late 30s, or indeed their 40s. But you don't know how long it will take or if you might have problems conceiving - as many, many, people do. Just read any of the myriad threads on here.

Anecdotally, I have close friends who left it too late to start trying, and now it looks like it won't happen for them. If you don't want to risk being in that boat, start trying now but do the holidays and healthy eating as well. It doesnt have to be either/or while you're TTC.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 09/01/2022 22:42

If you are not ready to have a baby then it’s absolutely right to wait. But nobody can really know if they have time when TTC.

For what it’s worth I had my first at 34 and then went on to have 2 more (when aged 37 and 44). So I’m totally behind women having children later on. But I wasn’t ready to have a baby before I was 34. Had I known for sure I wanted children when I was 30 I probably would have got on with it.

In addition to my 3 healthy babies, I also had 6 miscarriages (all after my first child was born and almost certainly age related).

ittakes2 · 09/01/2022 22:43

Check your fertility - get a 3 day hormone and post ovulation blood test.

SmellyOldOwls · 09/01/2022 22:43

31 I think is ok but it does get harder as time goes on. I had my first at 31 then it took 4 years to have another successful pregnancy.

The people saying you don't have to worry until you're 40+ are being a bit optimistic.

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