Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I weird?

31 replies

anxiousmamaof3 · 09/01/2022 17:55

Help me out ladies.

I have autism and hate meeting new people, I get so anxious.
A mum from DDs school messaged me on Facebook asking if I wanted to set up a play date with her DD while she pops in for a coffee.
I've never met this mum, can't even call her out on the school run as I don't know what she looks like Blush (no photos on Facebook either!)

I don't know how to address it, having a complete stranger to my home would cause me a complete meltdown mode. I've already made one excuse in the past but she keeps insisting. I've never really spoken to her before either so have no idea what she's like.

How do I deal with this? I know I'm weird!

OP posts:
Tricked2003 · 09/01/2022 17:58

Counter with the suggestion of meeting at the local park / indoor play / somewhere you would feel more comfortable?
It is odd for someone you don't know to invite themselves to your home.........suggest you meet at hers (as you are decorating / having work done / dh working from home etc)

Chikapu · 09/01/2022 17:59

It's not weird in the slightest to not want a complete stranger in your house drinking coffee, it's weird that she's insisting on it when you aren't friends or even acquaintances.

CharSiu · 09/01/2022 17:59

Do you think your DD would like the play date?

Issue is when someone is in your house they choose when to leave. How about meeting in a park for the kids to play together, you can then dictate when you leave. Personally I think it’s pretty odd asking to visit someone you don’t know and it’s surely more regular for someone to invite.

theNumbersStation · 09/01/2022 18:02

You are not weird. Everyone has the right to feel comfy in their own home.

How about agree a walk in the park or going to a cafe or soft play? Would that be manageable?

It could be the start of a lovely friendship. And it might be that they turn out to be a welcome visitor to your home eventually. Maybe not.

But an out of house meeting would be a wee start? 🌻

Monsterjam · 09/01/2022 18:02

Not weird at all. I wouldn’t want a stranger in my home either

gamerchick · 09/01/2022 18:07

Sounds like she's maybe setting you up for a babysitting arrangement.

Tell her it's not possible to have anyone over right now but will definitely look at meeting at the park when the weather's a bit nicer.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 09/01/2022 18:15

I think it's weird that someone is inviting herself to your home. If she wants to arrange a playdate then she should be inviting your dd to her house where, if she wants, she can ask if you would like a coffee.

Hesma · 09/01/2022 18:28

It’s strange that she’s inviting herself to yours, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this. I’d suggest you meet on neutral ground

Hawkmoth · 09/01/2022 18:29

I bet it's MLM.

Original poster
anxiousmamaof3 · 09/01/2022 18:32

She doesn't look MLM, seems genuine. I will say to meet up somewhere public as that's the safest option but I don't even know what she looks like how will I know it's her, I usually do everything with my carer because I get so anxious and I can't bring them along. Blush
I don't want to say "what do you look like" either haha.

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 09/01/2022 18:32

How rude of her to basically invite her and her DC to your house! I think she’s the weird one not you and her insistence would put me right off wanting to meet up anytime or anywhere at all.

BurntO · 09/01/2022 18:33

You aren’t weird Smile I have social anxiety and would be in a spiral about this Grin

It is strange, verging on rude, that she invited herself to your home however… with time to breathe, is it something you would ever be interested in? If not you could be honest, or you could say due to covid you are limiting social interactions at the moment as an easy cop out?

Or alternatively you could suggest a park trip, I think that’s easier to navigate as you are on neutral ground and you can leave whenever you want (I’d start by saying you have an appointment about 90 mins after your meeting time so you don’t need to negotiate when to part ways) but if you are not interested, that’s okay too.

StripeySnail · 09/01/2022 18:34

As a few previous posters have said it's weird that she's invited herself around to you. Maybe she is thinking her going to you is the easiest option for you. But slightly weird - you normally invite people to you, not the other way around.

Does your dd even want a playdate with her child? That to me is the most important factor.

SilenceOfThePrams · 09/01/2022 18:34

You’re not weird, that’s a weird thing for her to suggest.

More normal would be suggesting meeting in the park sometime, or her inviting you and your child to their house for coffee.

My gut feeling is that she’s either hoping to pop in for coffee and then leave her child with you for several hours (No Thank you!), or is going to try to sell you something (No Thank You!) or is crashingly nosy and wants to see inside your house (again, No Thanks!).

If you want to meet her or think it would be good for your child the you could reply with a suggestion to walk to the park after school instead. But it would also be completely fine up just say something like “Sorry, not possible.”

BurntO · 09/01/2022 18:35

You don’t need to know what she looks like, how old is DD? She will guide you to her new friend and mum will be there behind her Smile

eagerlywaitingfor · 09/01/2022 18:35

@PinkSyCo

How rude of her to basically invite her and her DC to your house! I think she’s the weird one not you and her insistence would put me right off wanting to meet up anytime or anywhere at all.
I suspect that the children have decided they want a get-together at the OP's house, but this other mum doesn't want her dd to go to the OP's house until they have met.

How old are the children, OP?

sweetfuckall · 09/01/2022 18:38

You aren't weird. I think you'll find this site extremely helpful: aspiringtobeu.com/

SavoyCabbage · 09/01/2022 18:38

Your child will recognise the other child so I wouldn't worry about that.

I'd start by asking your child if she is friends with the other girl.

The. I'd text back something like 'it would be lovely to get the girls together out of school. We are walking down to XYZ park after school on Tuesday if you would like to join us'.

PinkSyCo · 09/01/2022 18:45

I suspect that the children have decided they want a get-together at the OP's house, but this other mum doesn't want her dd to go to the OP's house until they have met.

Still rude.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 09/01/2022 18:52

Get there first, tell her where you are. Ie "sat at a table on the right near the slide" and let her come to you

Tal45 · 09/01/2022 18:55

If she wants the kids to have a playdate she should invite you to hers not invite herself to yours! That is rude and weird.

Tal45 · 09/01/2022 18:56

I agree with getting to wherever first and letting her find you.

TooMinty · 09/01/2022 18:57

I think she is the weird one. If my kid expresses that they want a play date then I'd invite the other kid to my house. Not invite myself to their house! She should have invited your kid round, and said to you - do you want to stay for coffee?

I'd try meet in the park if you are comfortable with that and don't worry about recognising her because the children will recognise each other.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 09/01/2022 18:58

No, she is weird. You don’t invite yourself to someone else’s house for coffee. If she wants a play date she needs to invite you to hers.

AnxiousWeirdo · 09/01/2022 19:00

I have autism and anxiety as well but she's most definitely the bad weird type.. who on earth invites themselves round to someone else's house when they don't even know eachother 😂 good luck with this one op!

Swipe left for the next trending thread