Patronising or not patronising? AIBU?

[Passthegin99]

Hoping you can help me settle this argument, even if only in my head. Two parents on a train this afternoon with DS aged 3.

DS asks Parent A: Why can I see the moon and the sun at the same time today?
Parent A doesn't know the answer but knows Parent B will, so asks Parent B to tell DS. Instead Parent B answers Parent A with questions, 2 or 3 times, which Parent A tries to answer but still doesn't know why the moon is visible. At which point Parent A gets cross and Parent B says: I was just trying to help you reach the answer yourself.

Parent A is furious and accuses Parent B of being patronising. Parent B is furious that Parent A has leapt down Parent B's throat for no reason and is adamant they were not patronising.

Who is being unreasonable?

And poor DS still doesn't know the answer!

Parent B

Parent B is a patronising dick. I guess it isn't performance parenting is it, performance dicking???

Parent A is a bit unreasonable for getting furious. It would have been good for the ds to learn or make the connection himself by watching parent A do it.

Parent B sounds like they were treating parent A a bit like a child and could easily have explained the answer to the child, teaching parent A in the process but without making them feel like a tit in public.

Parent B sounds like a total dick.

@FlasherMcGruff

Parent B sounds like they were treating parent A a bit like a child and could easily have explained the answer to the child, teaching parent A in the process but without making them feel like a tit in public.

Thanks. This is what I think too. Parent B (DP) claims it wasn't embarrassing because no one else would have heard

Parent B sounds like a bell end tbh

Parent B just used a parenting strategy on their partner. Assuming their partner is an intelligent adult who just happened not to know solar system mechanics - totally patronising and weird.

Parent B sounds like an insufferable arse.

Parent B is a dick.

Poor kid is going to be put off asking questions if that's the sort of attitude shown.

Parent B sounds like a teacher and parent A sounds like they are being silly and overreacting. There was no need to get cross.

Your dp was being a dickhead. I would have shut down the questions and told him to just answer ds.

Parent B sounds a bit tiresome, presumably if Parent A really cared about the answer they’d have googled it themselves. Not sure it’s worth being furious over though, if Parent A didn’t want to engage, they didn’t need to answer Parent B’s questions. Sounds like a storm in a teacup to me.

It’s a train where other people listen and take the mickey so, no- not a good moment for a learning moment. Also, the child would get bored.

Parent B was very patronising.

Parent B is a dick

Even before I got to your up date that it’s your DP I was pretty sure parent B was the man!

@LublinToDublin

Your dp was being a dickhead. I would have shut down the questions and told him to just answer ds.

I've just remembered I actually said to DS: Daddy seems to be evading the question perhaps he doesn't know the answer either.

And that's what prompted the comment about trying to help me figure it out myself.

And yes probably an overreaction to be furious but, compounded by the fact that this has now been reframed as my fault by DP, I'm not likely to get any less furious any time soon!

Parent B was patronising. If it's not something you know then another adult repeatedly questioning you on it isn't going to make you magically know the answer.

Way to ruin a nice day out. This bickering is what children remember. Parent B was at fault. Parent A didn't ask because they wanted the answer. Just be aware that children internalise that they are the problem.

"I've just remembered I actually said to DS: Daddy seems to be evading the question perhaps he doesn't know the answer either."

Your child doesn't need to be involved in this, don't use him to be passive aggressive.

I've just remembered I actually said to DS: Daddy seems to be evading the question perhaps he doesn't know the answer either.

Yeah, you really shouldn't do that, as tempting as it is.

Yep you're right

With your update, neither of you are covering yourself in glory, your child would have picked up on the passive aggression from both of you

Although in fairness I actually genuinely thought maybe he didn't know after all and was just stringing it out. I would have googled it but I didn't have service at the time.