To ask what I should do in this situation

[Snugglebum20]

I've organised a hen do for my friend. She wanted to go to a spa for the day. This has cost £160 each. She has never been to a spa before and doesn't know the cost of going to a spa.

It doesn't feel right to message her to say (in not so many words) 'hen do organised. Can't tell you where we are going yet. I now need £160 from you'. Obvs I wouldn't put it as blunt as that. Im thinking of asking her mum if she is going to be paying for her daughters cost. The mum is coming to the hen do.

Do i ask the mum ? And how do I word it ?
Do I just ask the bride for the money ?
The others going to the hen do can't afford to split the cost between us

I’ve done three hens and we always paid for rhe bride too.

On all the hens I've been on, we've all chipped in for the bride. It's always been discussed upfront though.

What has been agreed with the rest of the party?

I have to say that seems very expensive for just a spa day!

Sorry OP just noticed you said you and the others can't afford to cover the bride.

Can you cancel and rebook elsewhere? Group on often have good spa deals.

@Snugglebum20

You say you've organised the Hen but what exactly do you mean?

To me it means you've got a group chat with everyone invited and you've confirmed number of attendees / date / venue / cost (and yes that would include the spilt to pay for the hen) and all the other minor details. You'd have given your bank details and everyone transfers the agreed amount by an agreed date.

Sounds to me like you've just booked something and not given any thought to how it's going to work logistically or financially.

How many people are going? Have they all agreed to the £160 Spa day?

Sorry, I too have just seen that the other hens cannot afford to cover the bride. Assuming there are 10 people going, the fact they cannot (or will not) stump up and extra £16 means your choice is too expensive.

I think you need to revisit or find a cheaper spa.

Wow, that seems expensive. I've seen spa days with three treatments advertised for a third of that price.

If you and the hens can't afford to share the cost, maybe you should have gone for something cheaper?

The hens cover the bride’s cost.

What's included in the £160?
Treatment?
Lunch?
Drinks?
Overnight stay?
Travel?

Just to correct. I think it's a big ask to ask for the other hens to split the cost and some might not be able to afford it. But that said, the bride shouldn't be paying for herself as it's her special day

@Snugglebum20

Just to correct. I think it's a big ask to ask for the other hens to split the cost and some might not be able to afford it. But that said, the bride shouldn't be paying for herself as it's her special day

So you think her mother should fork out for it?

If the others are going to be stretched to cover her cost , look for a cheaper option. £160 each sounds a lot.

@Snugglebum20

Just to correct. I think it's a big ask to ask for the other hens to split the cost and some might not be able to afford it. But that said, the bride shouldn't be paying for herself as it's her special day

So then who pays for them?

@Snugglebum20

Just to correct. I think it's a big ask to ask for the other hens to split the cost and some might not be able to afford it. But that said, the bride shouldn't be paying for herself as it's her special day

But how many are going? 160 split between 10 people who are already happy to pay 160 isn't much of an increase...if it is then the original price is presumably way too expensive for them in the first place. Also have you actually discussed budget with any of them? You should have a very good idea of what they can and can't afford already from those discussions before booking rather than guessing now...

If it's so expensive I've no idea why you'd have booked first and wondered how to deal with it later. You should have said you were looking into several options, these are the range of costs, what do you think.

Have the others set a budget limit , if not you should canvass them before booking.

Just for a day I'd day £160 is expensive, what does that include?

I agree with PP , the hens should pay for the bride .
If the bride has never been to a spa before does she know that there is a good chance that a lot of the things she has seen in adverts cost extra .

I have never been to a spa but friends have and they were astounded at the cost of the extras and how much they were cajoled in to having treatment they really couldn't afford / didn't want.
By no means am I saying all spa's are like that but its something to keep in mind

It really depends on how many people are invited, if it’s 16 and will cost £10 each then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask then others the question, if it’s 4 and it’s an extra £40 then that’s different.

If you really don’t want to ask the others then you have no choice but to say ‘provisionally found suitable spa for your hen, it’s working out at £160 each though, is that ok for you? If so could you transfer?’

@Snugglebum20

Just to correct. I think it's a big ask to ask for the other hens to split the cost and some might not be able to afford it. But that said, the bride shouldn't be paying for herself as it's her special day

Well you can’t have it both ways op and you can’t ask her mother.

So you either need to cancel and rebook someplace else you can all afford or ask her if she’d be willing to pay for this. You can’t book something for someone and then expect them to pay without asking them in advance.

I’m really surprised anyone would book something without knowing how they would pay for it.

@Snugglebum20

Just to correct. I think it's a big ask to ask for the other hens to split the cost and some might not be able to afford it. But that said, the bride shouldn't be paying for herself as it's her special day

Who did you think would pay then?

Why didn’t you discuss budget etc before now?

Why on earth did you book it knowing people can't afford it?
Set up a group chat , confirm numbers and find somewhere cheaper.

Assuming that you will be able to adjust or cancel your booking, I think that you need to put it forward as a proposal and not an absolute.

For me, it is only OK not to include the bride-to-be in agreement of the budget if you are covering her costs. Otherwise, it is only fair that she is involved in discussing the costs, even if you keep some of the details secret from her.

I also think that £160 is very expensive. If you do a quick search, I'm sure you can find a range of possibilities at different prices.

It’s normal to all pay for the bride, it’s also totally the done thing to discuss costs before booking it! Have you asked the other guests directly if they want to split the brides costs or contribute towards it?

Way too expensive for 1 day.

Shop around and also do a group chat in case others coming know anywhere cheaper etc. Also get a rough idea of budgets.

Bride doesn’t usually pay.

I didn't realise the hens paid for bride fully!

I organised a hen do. What bride wanted was too expensive for the maid of honour so we had to adapt it. There was only 7 of us including the bride. Bride wanted to go away for two nights but others couldn't afford that. So bride and two bridesmaids (me being one) went away for two mights, the rest joined us for 2nd night.

We paid for all activities including some food and drink either between the bridesmaids or the whole party. All bride had to pay for was her share of hotel room (£100 for two nights), a few drinks (not many as most of us paid for her) and two cheap pub meals - £10 each I think.

I do remember her being surprised on the Sunday morning having to pay for her hotel. It didn't occur to me or clearly the rest of the hens that we should pay for her hotel.

She was also one of my two bridesmaids and didn't even come to my 'hen do' so didn't pay anything for me.