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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drinking and driving

62 replies

Bruce123 · 09/01/2022 06:36

Last night I went with my husband and his Mum to a concert. Between 6.30 and 9pm he drank 5 glasses of wine . I had one and a cup of tea. We came in his car and I offered to drive home. Back at the car my husband got into the driving seat and argued he was safe to drive home. It took me and my MIL’s combined efforts to get him to move over and let me drive. Including me walking away to get the train at one point. He then sulked for the whole journey home. AIBU? Was he safe to drive?

OP posts:
merrymelodies · 09/01/2022 08:36

@Bruce123 The point is to discuss it beforehand. That way, the designated driver doesn't drink. And there's no argument after about who should drive.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 09/01/2022 08:53

As someone who enjoys a drink you don’t drink and drive . Most sensible people would have 1 drink or none if driving . You sort it beforehand who’s driving and you stick to it . This I feel fine is rubbish I’m sure he did but you still can’t drive a vehicle after drinking, I don’t get why people don’t see that . You did the right thing op you driving ignore his sulking he’s a Pratt . If he wants to risk his life fine it’s others that it’s not fine .

Beachgirl33 · 09/01/2022 08:54

Did the concert finish at 9? The general rule is the average body takes an hour to process a unit of alcohol once drinking has stopped so five hours from 9 BUT and it’s a big but this is average. Everyone is different. You shouldn’t drink ANY alcohol if you’re planning on driving.

A couple years ago we were at a Christmas overnight stay in a hotel. One of the alcohol nurses who was there used her breathalyser the next morning to double check her and a couple of colleagues were safe to drive. The results were very interesting. I wasn’t planning to drive home as I felt rough. My husband was picking me and a couple colleagues up. I was completely clear- safe to drive. My colleague, similar build, age and had had exactly the same amount of alcohol and food as I had was over the limit for driving (she wasn’t actually driving anyway but this shows the different rates everyone metabolises alcohol. I guess no way of knowing how efficient your liver is).

Your husband was totally in the wrong and put himself, you and his mum at risk. Not to mention anyone else that crossed his path. If that had been my husband I would have said if he didn’t get out the fucking drivers seat I would phone the police on him. He would most certainly have been over the limit. What an irresponsible knob.

sillysmiles · 09/01/2022 09:04

@Bruce123

This is the first time he has become belligerent after I’ve offered to drive. Before this he has willingly accepted me driving him home.
I'm not sure why you are "offering" to drive. Like he has an option! Surely it should be a simple - you've been drinking, I'm driving.
Original poster
Bruce123 · 09/01/2022 09:06

Last drink about 9.15. Left at 10

OP posts:
Original poster
Bruce123 · 09/01/2022 09:07

You would think so wouldn’t you…

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 09/01/2022 09:10

The more some people drink, the more they insist they are fit to drive!

Of course he wasn’t.

Tee20x · 09/01/2022 09:17

@MrsSkylerWhite

The more some people drink, the more they insist they are fit to drive!

Of course he wasn’t.

!!!! As if it's a measure of them not being drunk.

Of course you're not being unreasonable OP! 5 glasses ?!

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2022 09:33

Of course he wasn’t ok to drive. Has he seen things in a different light now he’s sober?

Original poster
Bruce123 · 09/01/2022 10:04

I didn’t mention it but clocked the drinking and took the decision to be the “designated driver” knowing that he hadn’t asked me. So in my mind, he’d assumed I was driving (and been inconsiderate by not asking) and therefore I should be responsible and drive us home and have a cup of tea instead of drinking anything further. Yes we should have discussed beforehand but I didn’t realise there would be alcohol there so we didn’t. Yes he should have asked me when he got a drink. Yes I should have mentioned it earlier but I didn’t as by this time he was well into the 3rd and fourth drinks. So I took the responsibility not to drink. I’m not complaining. I’m just completely astounded by his behaviour at the car.

OP posts:
IcedCoffeeMilkshake · 09/01/2022 10:05

@Bruce123 you have nothing to explain re your own behaviour. You were clearly completely responsible. You DH was a total arse. I hope it is a wakeup call for him but I suspect it will not be.

girlmom21 · 09/01/2022 10:07

@Bruce123 has he acknowledged his bad behaviour?

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2022 10:07

This sounds like it needs another discussion in the cold light of day. Not just his intention to drink and drive but his assuming you’d pick up the pieces without asking.

Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2022 10:11

Thing is he doesn’t need to be just “fit to drive”
I rarely drink so I usually drive when we go out, even if DH only wants 1 or 2 drinks.
If he had been drinking AT ALL and there was a competent fully insured driver who hadn’t had a drink why not let them drive?
Thank God MIL backed you up

Original poster
Bruce123 · 09/01/2022 10:11

No
He’s gone to the gym without saying a word to me ( I was in bed)

OP posts:
Ohisitreally · 09/01/2022 10:18

@Bruce123..you really handled the whole situation well and thank goodness you stuck to your guns!
You most definitely need to have a Frank discussion with DP today regarding his potential lethal behaviour last night!..Good luck

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 09/01/2022 10:22

@Bruce123

Yes it is, but I didn’t realise there would be alcohol and a free bar there….so the conversation never happened until back at the car and I’d already made the decision earlier to stay sober so we all weren’t left with no options.
Odd that without any conversation you decided you would stay sober enough to drive... I am guessing he said nothing and that this has happened before, maybe really often. It is your norm?
Saz12 · 09/01/2022 10:50

Does he have issues with alcohol? He should’ve been able to check on who was driving before laying into a free bar or getting carried away. It just seems crazy that anyone would do this now - 20 or 30 years ago, perhaps. But we’re all so much more aware now I’d assume anyone drink driving has alcohol issues or an otherwise chaotic life.

Figgygal · 09/01/2022 10:52

If my husband did that id divorce him
Bloody idiot

Runkle · 09/01/2022 10:58

You know he wasn't OK to drive, you can't be that ignorant to the affects of alcohol and the legal limits.

ListeningButNotHearing · 09/01/2022 11:19

YADNBU
He should be apologizing to you.

He needs to acknowledge the very true affects of alcohol.

PatriotCanes · 09/01/2022 11:22

How often does he do that without you around?

Bonbon21 · 09/01/2022 11:23

Hope he wasnt driving to the gym then......

PurpleDaisies · 09/01/2022 11:26

5 glasses of wine before 9pm will be fine to drive this morning. Did I miss him continuing to drink at home?

girlmom21 · 09/01/2022 11:29

@PurpleDaisies

5 glasses of wine before 9pm will be fine to drive this morning. Did I miss him continuing to drink at home?
This is Mumsnet. He can't drive for the next 3 days. Come on...