AIBU to pull my 4 year old daughter out of the dancing show.

[Crazyplantmom]

Hi! My first time posting here and to be honest I just really want some opinions of fellow mums about this whole situation.

My daughter (4) started attending dance lessons in November, so since then she only had about 5-6 lessons. The school is doing a big show for all the kids and I signed her up after I was told that everyone else is doing it too.

A few days ago I got some more details and there in fact will be two separate shows on the same day (4 hours apart) and she would have to participate in both of them. That means I would have to spend a whole day with her and my 2 year old in a theatre and it is just not doable for all of us for many different reasons. I e-mailed the school and said unfortunately she won’t be able to do the show due to the fact we simply can’t spend all day there and she’s not allowed to do only one show. The response I received was something along the lines “you don’t have to be there, you can just leave her with us and we will look after her”.

This is where my AIBU question comes from. Is it just me to think that this is just crazy? Never in a million years would I leave my little, shy 4 year old child alone in an unfamiliar place with pretty much strangers all around her. My anxiety is going through the roof just thinking about this. Please let me know if anyone else feels the same way! Thank you.

As a chaperone, I suspect they're not allowed to do this.

For a start of having non-licenced children there (like your 2yo) is not allowed.
Secondly I have only done over 5yos, but they're only allowed in the theatre I think 6 hours in any day. Under 5s have less time allowed, but can't offhand remember how long. 2 shows in the theatre all day sounds like you may be pushing the time in the theatre.

Absolutely not, with a long gap like that I would expect children older than 4 to be collected/looked after by care givers during those hours.
At her age, I would expect them to have an allocated time within the show to perform (early on) and be collected soon after.

@Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint

She’s only 4 and not at school yet so not used to being on her own and being in a huge show is such a massive step, there is no way I would have let my child do that! There is plenty of time for your daughter to enjoy pursuits out of school but it’s crazy to try and do that before she’s even started school and make her do such a long day, so wrong in my opinion.

I agree with this completely.

The way this would work when my dd was in dance is that you would check her in backstage and then leave. If you have tickets for the first show, you go watch, if not you can go wherever you want.

After the first show you come check her out from backstage, lots of hugs and attention, feed her, make sure she uses the potty, then at the designated time, check her in for the 2nd show. Same thing. If you have tickets you attend. If not, you cool your heels somewhere or go home if you live close enough.

Heads up though on pick up times, shows often run long.

They have to do multiple shows because there aren’t enough seats for all the family members in one show. The dance is rehearsed with the whole group and when someone is missing it can really throw off the other dancers.

@MargaretThursday

As a chaperone, I suspect they're not allowed to do this.

For a start of having non-licenced children there (like your 2yo) is not allowed.
Secondly I have only done over 5yos, but they're only allowed in the theatre I think 6 hours in any day. Under 5s have less time allowed, but can't offhand remember how long. 2 shows in the theatre all day sounds like you may be pushing the time in the theatre.

It’s 6 hours for a 2 year old ....my GD has done it 🙄

5 hrs I mean

I was going to say the same thing as previous posters - she can’t stay at the theatre with a chaperone for the whole day - it’s a maximum of 5 hours at that age so they are bending the rules (unless tickets are free, when the rules don’t apply)

www.cambridgeshire.gov.uk/asset-library/imported-assets/Performance%20times%20for%20children%20in%20entertainment.pdf

No way in the world that I’d do that. My DC would have hated at that age (and a good few after that too in all honesty) and I’d have felt v anxious. DC happily went to childcare but this is a very different setting.

No judgement if you do or others who do. Trust your motherly instincts.

@Cheerfulcharlie

You know your daughter. She’s only 4 and if you and her wouldn’t be comfortable with it, pull her out. It doesn’t matter whether it’s normal in the dancing community. They’re all different at different stages. There’s plenty of time for this when she’s a bit older.

Agree.

My DD is 4, just started school.
I would be keen leaving her all day either Op.

I think some posters are equating experience of school age children to this. I think there would be many people uncomfortable with this in a (presumably) just turned 4yo who hasn’t started school yet and isn’t that familiar with her peers or ballet teacher. I’m all for independence but would be a bit wary of this. My 5yo would be totally fine: she’s used to independence from school/clubs, is verbal enough to ask for help if needed/ will make friends with others etc. I think the picture is very different for a pre-schooler and would be a very long day for them even if parents able to stay.

Op I most certainly get where you're coming from and I didn't leave my 4 year old alone when she did her first dance show. She was also shy and quiet and would have felt very upset and scared had I done so. I stayed and chaperoned but it was only one evening show. I didn't feel at that age it was safe and other people do not watch your children like you would yourself. This isn't a school setting, it is a theatre where many different people will be around. Do what is right for you and your dd.

I chaperone for dds dancing school. We have 2 sites so most kids only know the others at their own site and each has it's own set of chaperones.

We had a couple of very young ones at the last show (pre covid) and one who was autistic and struggled a bit but they all coped amazingly...

Your dd will be fine and well looked after. Even if you were in the same building you couldn't be with her if you have a toddler in tow. Is there another family member who could do half the day maybe?

Either way the choice is yours. Dds dancing has a show in a couple of months time. Currently she doesn't want to dance in it. The school are aware. She will do the training and how she feels nearer the time