Weird weight loss offer from parents

[PaganQueen]

I casually mentioned to my mum earlier that I'm trying to lose weight. I've put on a bit over the last few years and the time has come to do something about it! Have about 3.5 stone id like to shift, but I will say (and this is important) that whilst my weight pisses me off in a superficial way, it hasn't made me miserable or had an impact on my self esteem significantly or really made me feel shit about myself. I've just loved my tucker too much and not moved enough . I know that I am a good person, with kindness and humour in my favour and that whether I have one spare tyre or two or none makes no difference to these things that I value so highly.

I then received a text from my step dad (they've been together since I was 18, he's a wonderful grandfather to my 3 children, no distinction between whether he's a bio grandparent or not) which was worded from both of them offering to "sponsor" my weight loss to quite a considerable sum. Per lb. We're talking a total of a few thousand pounds

I know that mum is keen for me to lose weight because I think that she is embarrassed of my size (18-20 and 5ft 7 if that is an issue!). I obviously don't like this judgey side of her but until now I have been able to ignore it. She has form for being quietly judgey and has absolutely no shame!

I also know that they are always trying to give me cash as sometimes I struggle a bit and I don't know whether this is their aim. I'm a single parent but I do earn a decent ish wage, just have no savings behind me so when something like the car or the boiler goes wrong unexpectedly it's a right clusterfuck and I naturally have a good moan to mum about stuff. They've offered to lend or even give me cash before but I've politely declined as whilst it's generous of them I'd much rather they spent it on themselves and I've stopped telling mum when things break or go wrong as they invariably try to pay for it. (They definitely can afford it but this isn't the point. I struggle to accept offers of help at the best of times but cash is just so....I don't know. Makes me feel icky. That's the only word for it!) They have bought a few big-ticket items for me in the past- think hoover, shed and dining table but these were specific gifts for a big birthday etc. I appreciate their generosity in this way, it's so kind of them- I just feel uncomfortable with them spending cash that they've worked for their whole lives on me just getting by.

On one hand their offer makes me feel like they are so desperate for me to lose weight that they will pay me (quite a lot) to do so which makes me really disappointed in them and feel like they don't really know me or my values. On the other hand they have faith in me that I will succeed in losing the weight that I want to and are clumsily trying to sneak cash into my purse using weight loss as a ruse. Which doesn't make me disappointed but does make me feel stupidly uncomfortable.

I think the vote is:
YANBU- their offer is insulting
YABU- it's fine, just a bit clumsy

It sounds like they are looking for a way to give you money and of course they will be happy that you are looking to make positive changes for your own health so it’s a very gentle YABU from me.

If you hadn't said the second bit of your post, about them offering to pay for stuff and you refusing, then I'd think YANBU. But in the light of that, I'm thinking this is more of a way of giving you money than anything worse? Hard to be sure though!

Once they don't expect you to pay it back if you put it back on.

It reminds me of friends being offered money for results when I was doing my last school exams. I think that was coming from a good place of parents loving their children and wanting to motivate them to do well.
Unfortunately my parents subscribed to the belief that the exams were for my own benefit.
I agree with your values but you can't make your parents change theirs and they obviously love you and want to be generous.
Best of luck with your year of health 🍀

I just think they’re trying to help albeit in a slightly non pc way. They prob want to give you money and looking for and opportunity, I doubt your mum is ashamed of you in any way. She’s prob worried about your health and maybe thinks if you lose a bit of weight you might meet someone nice. Mums usually just want to see you healthy and happy

Pfft I was offered £100 to lose several stone because they were embarrassed by my size. I think they're just trying to give you money with you having "earnt" it. Bit clumsy but I don't think intentionally offensive

My mum did this years ago - £1000 a stone
I lost 2 - went on holiday with the 'winnings' all-inclusive..... You know the rest!

They are probably worried about your health and see this as the way of helping you lose weight and giving you money so it's win-win.
You are very lucky to have such lovely parents

Perhaps they are worried as there’s been so much in the press about covid and weight, they are just trying to help, though a bit misguided.

My mum's offered this before...I'm still hideously overweight because nothing motivates me unless I'm in the right mindset unfortunately.

If nothing else, you'll probably want/need new clothes so the money will come in handy for that.

It's really quite sweet and from what you say obviously well intentioned.

It reminds me these sponsorship forms at primary when your parents give you money if you promise to go to school by bike the whole week or to do extra jumping on the spot every day or something else. It doesn’t matter what you are doing the main thing is that your parents are donating money. The same is here. Your parents wants to sponsor you for something, you’ve mentioned weight loss so they’ve thought : “Great! We will sponsor this! “
And the goal itself is the useful one as well but it’s also true about cycling to school or extra jumping.

Don’t forget to check with them what’s @MysweetAudrina suggested

I would look at it as enabling my success. Having extra money to throw at things can make them a lot easier to achieve- personal trainer to keep on track when feeling demotivated, good quality food, baby sitters for the dc so you can get out for a regular walk or run or class, extra Pilates classes or better gym membership etc.
you've made the decision for yourself so this is a bonus to help you get there.

My mom is capable of something like this but i think it would come from a
Place of her hoping that I have a partner jn my life and that being a normal weight might improve my prospects. 😳
It would come from a caring place though so I wouldn't get too upset about it.
She sounds like she means well

I am very financially motivated so I'd take this up like a shot! What do you get out of it, the goal you're aiming for anyway and more cash in your pocket win win

If you've got a problem with it, I'll send you evidence of my weight loss over the last year and you can forward it onto your parents for sponsorship.

I could do with the money. I need new clothes, for a start.

Thanks everyone for your comments- their text really took me by surprise but I think that it probably is just a way they think they can help me kill two birds with one stone (or 3.5 in my case!)

I am not very good at asking for or accepting support when it's offered at the best of times. I've sent them a text saying thank you, what a lovely generous idea and it will help me achieve my goal.

I have also said that if I start to get slightly porky again they must start dropping hints about a repayment plan so that I refocus my efforts 😆

Their offer is messed up! Would respond that you’d really appreciate financial help stuff happens and if you need it, but not tied to your weight.

Go for it!

What a great incentive, you could get a lovely new wardrobe and put some savings aside.

Monetary rewards are a poor motivator for weight loss.

Personally, I would find it annoying and offensive, and I would take it as them being desperate for me not to embarrass them with my weight anymore (there are similar views like this in my family). However, I would mindfully set aside my frustration, laugh to myself about how shallow they are, and graciously take their money.

Oh I wish somebody would sponsor me to lose weight, I'm currently trying to do it for no financial gain!
But, with the context you've given, I absolutely understand where you're coming from.
Your mum and her partner sound lovely though!

@Dozer

Monetary rewards are a poor motivator for weight loss.

I disagree.

Saving money on food has been very, very encouraging - actually getting additional cash as a result of it would be brilliant - once you're 20kg down and still going, you can't get away with wearing the same clothes anymore - you need new tops to avoid flashing everybody, new bras, new trousers to stop them falling down as belt just can't cope with the extra material (new belt is probably a plan, too) round your waist and arse or flapping around your legs like an untethered sail, new coat as the original is so big, you're as cold in it as not wearing it due to the gaps and often, you need new shoes as well.

@TheLeadbetterLife yes its bloody annoying! What's worse is that mentally and emotionally I am the strongest I've ever been after an emotionally & financially abusive marriage and I am at last really happy with my life, overweight and single or not. My mum in particular just doesn't see how I could possibly be content without a man and is worried that my physical appearance is putting potential suitors off (she hasn't said this explicitly but I know her well!)

No no no it’s not sweet it’s horribly intrusive. I would hate that so much - we will PAY for there to be less of you. Horrible.

It sounds like they may view it as a handy device to give you money, and thus not mean any harm.. however by its nature it’s loaded. I don’t think money should be attached to weight loss, so I’d say YAANBU. But given the good intentions -I’d gentle if you bring it up.