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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this problem drinking?

28 replies

polkadotcatears · 07/01/2022 18:09

My husband likes red wine. Last night, after I went to bed, he must have finished the last bottle.

I've just been tidying in the kitchen after getting home from work, and I've found three mini Prosecco bottles behind the recycling boxes. These were presents given to me in Summer. I don't really drink, so they've just been in the cupboard.

Should I be worried that he drank them (when he doesn't normally like prosecco) and that he seems to have hidden the bottles?

He's at work until 8pm, so can't ask him yet.

YABU- It's fine and you're making a mountain out of a molehill

YANBU- It's a bit suspicious and concerning

OP posts:
TheAverageUser · 07/01/2022 18:15

It's too hard to tell, I wouldn't say he has a problem because he's drunk some miniature prosecco's in and of itself but perhaps there's more to it if you're here asking.

Bit weird to hide them but possible he just doesn't want the judgement if you don't really drink?

PumpkinPie2016 · 07/01/2022 18:18

Hmm difficult to say. As a one off, I would say not. Maybe he had a rubbish day and fancied a drink or two.

If someone was regularly drinking 'in secret' and hiding the bottles/cans then I would be a bit concerned.

AdamRyan · 07/01/2022 18:20

I'd be concerned if my OH drank alcohol that was a present to me without checking it was OK. Not so much about the wine but on balance I think I'd be a bit more vigilant about drinking

Original poster
polkadotcatears · 07/01/2022 18:27

Thanks for the responses so far.

I don't think I mind that he drank the prosecco that were my presents, because it's unlikely I'd drink them myself. If he had asked, I'd have said it was fine.

It's more that he'd had a bottle of red, and then 3 mini-bottles on top of that, and the extra bottles were a drink he'd never normally choose. I also can't figure out if he chilled them or just drank them straight from the cupboard.

OP posts:
Clarissa76 · 07/01/2022 18:28

I don't think a one-off can tell you anything. What does he normally drink?

moochies · 07/01/2022 18:29

This is the kind of thing I'd do and I'm a (currently dry) problem drinker.

I'd finish my wine and then start rummaging for things I thought wouldn't be missed, then I'd hide the bottles.

GoodnightGrandma · 07/01/2022 18:32

Has he done it before ?
Are you concerned about his drinking any other time ?

tulippa · 07/01/2022 18:32

I would definitely have a conversation about why he drank them and hid the bottles.

heyitsthistle · 07/01/2022 18:34

Do you ever make comments about him drinking? My DH used to do that and it pissed me off, so I'd just have a glass here or there without telling him. He's the kind of man that doesn't drink and finds it boring. I just wanted a glass of wine in peace

girlmom21 · 07/01/2022 18:36

Hiding the bottles is the biggest concern for me

Magnited · 07/01/2022 18:38

You don't hide three small half bottles if you do not have a drink problem.

This is a tiny tip of a very large iceberg. The real issue is where, when and how the rest is hidden.

But I think you know that.

goldenbag · 07/01/2022 18:38

Depends what he usually drinks!

CrazySnakeWoman · 07/01/2022 18:41

This is how my drinking started going off the rails. Secret ‘topping up’. It’s not a good sign.

Sober / Recovering alcoholic, btw.

Original poster
polkadotcatears · 07/01/2022 18:44

@heyitsthistle, I don't think I've ever mentioned anything about drinking to him. He works hard and a glass or two of red wine after he gets home seems like his way to relax. I sing (badly) to 80s/90s rock ballads and cuddle the cat a bit too tightly.

I'm not concerned about him drinking, just thought it was pretty normal, but haven't really got any idea what 'normal' is. The extra bottles and them being hidden is unusual.

OP posts:
Bonnealle · 07/01/2022 18:51

It doesn’t sound like a problem if it’s a one off. Looks like he’s sticking to the current guidelines with a glass of wine a night. Sounds like he just fancied something else to drink, found those. If he was trying to hide them he would have taken them straight to the recycling bin or even taken them to a public bin on the way to work. I’d have a chat and just see if he feels more stressed at the moment.

SameToo · 07/01/2022 18:54

It may be that he hid them as he hadn’t asked you if he could have them?

Bit odd that he drank something he doesn’t like though. I like a drink but if there’s only something left I don’t like I won’t drink it for the sake of it.

Merryoldgoat · 07/01/2022 18:58

It’s not so much the quantity, it’s the hiding it.

I occasionally get carried away but I never lie or hide it. I don’t have any drinking issues and regularly go weeks with no booze but occasion get the taste.

If he’s hiding I’d be concerned but not necessarily worried if it’s rare.

Claretmum · 07/01/2022 19:01

It doesn't sound like he has purposely hidden them? I've done that to be honest....been out, came home and fancied another glass of wine. Drank some of the husbands nice red that was an expensive gift...felt bad and filled it up with vimto thinking he wouldn't notice GrinGrinGrin. He did Grin

It's now a standing joke.

Nandocushion · 07/01/2022 19:05

The hiding is a little odd. But are you sure he drank all that last night? Could the mini bottles have been another night?

Original poster
polkadotcatears · 07/01/2022 19:07

Nando, it was definitely last night. Our recycling gets picked up on a Thursday morning, so I brought the boxes in yesterday when I got back from work.

OP posts:
Clarissa76 · 07/01/2022 19:56

It’s not brilliant hiding, is it? Could he have meant to put them in the recycling box and missed?

PurpleDaisies · 07/01/2022 19:59

The hiding thing is weird but there could be a sensible explanation. Maybe he was more aware that they were yours than you thought.
I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions.

RoarySaury · 07/01/2022 20:02

Any chance they were hidden because he was going to replace them without you realising?

Drinking as stress relief is a problem though. I know lots of Mumsnetters won't agree, but it's not a good sign.

Ohisitreally · 07/01/2022 20:06

If he was genuinely trying to hide the bottles he didn't try very hard !I don't think it's an issue Also prosecco isn't very high percentage alcohol

SmellyOldPartridgeinaPearTree · 07/01/2022 20:08

Surely if he was a seasoned secret alcoholic he'd have thought of a better hiding place for the bottles.

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