To wonder how to cope with no sleep at all?

[Sleepdeprivedalready]

Or at least no quality sleep, maybe a couple of snatched hours in the very early hours of the morning.

I have a child who won’t sleep. It’s destroying me and I’m so angry and resentful because of it. The weird thing is I’m fine in the day but then I go to bed and am not able to sleep or relax and it turns me into this tense ball of rage that feels like I hate my kid and my life.

Weirdly I then often can’t sleep on the rare opportunity that presents itself.

How do people cope?

It sounds horrendous. You need to work out a way of getting a full night's sleep by taking turns with your DH. If taking shift about during the night doesn't work(eg 9pm-1am then other parent takes over), you need to identify nights when one of you gets a full night's sleep. And when the person whose turn it is to sleep that night, they sleep in a separate room, they don't get woken up unless the house is burning down or another life-threatening emergency is taking place, and they wear earplugs/headphones if necessary to avoid being woken up. It shouldn't take two adults to wrangle one baby!

Been there, done that. You can't go without sleep indefinitely.

Yeah but unless you live in an absolutely huge house with bedrooms miles apart from one another, a crying baby does wake you. It just does.

Also, would he be a cot refuser if the cot was beside your bed? Wouldn't stop him waking you up when he cries, but would distance you from the other disturbances!

I have absolutely no advice but I just wanted to say you’re not alone and I feel your pain! Currently trying to get my 8 year old who has NEVER slept through the night back to sleep without losing my shit and therefore making the situation worse. It doesn’t help that she still needs me there to fall asleep so when she’s finally down (often after 2 hours), I then have to finish all the jobs I need to do and oh, low and behold she’s awake again! I just want to have a shower and go to sleeeeep!! What I will say is that although it’s still not ideal, it’s so, so, so much better than it was when she was your sons age. Still frustrating as hell to have a poor sleeper but I found DD gradually got better every year (she only used to sleep 11pm-2am for a long time). After the early days, waking once or twice seems more bearable. I stopped talking to people about it though as until you’ve had a child that truly doesn’t sleep you just don’t get it and I felt like people thought I was making it up! Hang in there, it does get better I promise.

You have my full sympathy it is so so hard. My son used to scream all day long and wake multiple times a night. I was a complete zombie just living day to day. At 15 months old when I was at absolute breaking point he started sleeping in his own bed all night. He's now three and he sleeps 7 to 7 every night so hang in there it will get easier in time ❤️

Perhaps if you could go to sleep knowing that DH was solely responsible that night and you didn't need to get up to help, it would help you either not wake up or get back to sleep quickly. Also, seriously, earplugs/headphones.

One of the cruellest things about sleep deprivation is it makes it very difficult for you to make decisions and take action. Literally, your brain is impaired in doing these higher functions because it's so damn tired.

Find a way to get a proper uninterrupted chunk of sleep each night, even if it is only 8-1, and temporary, and even if it feels like it's not helping. Earplugs, sofa, whatever it takes. We found that once we could trust the other one to handle it, and know we wouldn't be called on, we could switch off almost completely.

You could even take turns at having a night in a hotel.

Once you get a little bit caught up on sleep, by whatever extremes are necessary, you will be more able to address the problem properly and come up with a longer term action plan. Sleep first, then thinking.

Pnd is definitely not sleep deprivation

You need to press a massive reset button and have a night away in a hotel by yourself with some sleeping tablets.

Oh I feel you so hard op, two year old twins. Just a nightmare for sleep atm.

What I'd say is
I end up getting up in the night unless I really need back up (DH is partly deaf so doesn't hear it) but that means if they're still going at 5/6 am I get him up, he takes them downstairs and feeds them etc and I sleep as long as I can given work etc. (I don't, but he does)
Sometimes I get him up at 4 when I feel the sleep deprivation rage coming
I allow myself to swear in my head. I can swear quite well whilst doing nice shush shush noises. There's no filter when I'm swearing silently, I can say it all because it's just tiredness talking. My love is shown in my actions.
On a weekend when I can sleep later, I do.
In your shoes, I'd invest in war plugs for the parent who isn't it. Work out when you need to swap in or out and use ear plugs. Because yes, small house, screaming baby, everyone can hear it.

Try chamomile tea sweetened with honey. It gently relaxes without sedating, so you can wake quickly and alertly in an emergency. DO NOT sweeten it sugar. Chamomile does not play nicely with sugar.

Also I sleep on the floor in their room some nights with a hand on them and therefore we have out own space, I can reach them if they rouse etc.

Can you put him in a cot in his own room and start doing some sleep training?

Whilst PND might not just be about sleep deprivation, there is a strong correlation. Personally sleep deprivation does make me feel very depressed and also intensifies feelings of rage. I can honestly say that I was rarely ever a cross person until I had DC and experienced such bad sleep deprivation. I feel like I hardly know myself any more, this person with no energy and a short fuse. It’s torture and you have my sympathies OP.

My three year old still cosleeps - she hops in at some point during the night and goes straight back to sleep. Now we are being tormented by 15 week old DS who turns into a cot refuser if anything is bothering him. Last night he didn’t manage more than 20 mins in his cot. We’ve already agreed that we will do sleep training if we need to for
the good of the whole family.

Keep trying own cot and own room but it just doesn’t work. Nothing works 😩
Oh @SleepingStandingUp what a nightmare, twins. Lovely in a way but where sleep is concerned…

Yep been there done that with ds, it was horrible and then very very occasionally when I did get maybe 4 hours sleep I felt horrific.

Could you go to a travel lodge for a night just to recharge? Also get some noise cancelling headphones and whoever is 'on shift' that night just has to deal with whatever it is.

I couldn’t co sleep either, it was even worse. I did sleep in my own bed in her room, though.
Between the ages of 4-14 months, some nights my daughter woke up 9 times. It was horrendous but the best thing I found to do was just stay awake until a shift change with my husband. We were lucky that he started work at 10:30, which not everyone could do obviously, and had a very short commute. So I stayed awake until 5am, he came in and took the baby to another room (this is key) and I had industrial ear plugs, white noise and a sleep mask and slept until 10:15. It’s obviously not enough, but the broken sleep is worse in my opinion than a too short block or split night. She’s my third, and so much worse than the other two. She wouldn’t nap either, none of the tips worked at all, not in the car, not in the stroller, only when held. I got a really good recliner and just held her, so at least my body was resting even if I wasn’t asleep.
I didn’t try to achieve anything else. I showered and sometimes folded laundry. We ate a lot of pasta with ready made sauce and fruit and cheese type meals.
Your husband needs to take a night or a shift. It’s not safe for you or the baby this way and it’s not fair. If you can outsource jobs like cleaning so you can just sit on the couch when you can you need to!
She’s now two and so much better. Some nights she doesn’t wake at all! This morning, she even slept in! We took her to specialists, tried reflux medication, the whole lot. I don’t know why it was like this.
I feel for you, it definitely started a noticeable trend of improving from 15 months on. I wish you the same!

@Sleepdeprivedalready

Yeah but unless you live in an absolutely huge house with bedrooms miles apart from one another, a crying baby does wake you. It just does.

I have survived 2 non sleepers now, both of whom would cry constantly. We lived in a tiny house at the time and I am noise sensitive and we still managed to make it work by doing shifts - we started our shifts early though at 7pm until 1am then switched and we each got 6 hours. One of us would be downstairs in the living room and one upstairs in the bedroom and the one looking after the baby did whatever it took to keep them as quiet as possible (usually pacing the floor holding them). I am incredibly noise sensitive as I have ASD and I managed to get some sleep this way. Have you checked for sleep apnoea? This was what turned out to be wrong with both of mine and they ended up having their tonsils out at a young age. We were much quicker recognising what was wrong with the second child. It does get better

We had 3 kids that slept at 3 months so when ds4 threw a spanner in the works I was in shock!! You do need to figure out at least a night each where you both get to ignore anything going on and just sleep. I tried co sleeping but to be honest it was the straw that broke the camels back for me and so we made a pact that no matter what he had to be in his cot/bed. I know co sleeping works for some but I’m glad we didn’t. We weren’t a success story though, even at 4 and 5 we regularly had to walk him back to his bed at 2 o clock in the morning. Op have been at the bitter, wrecked, falling apart stage, total hugs, how it eases soon

YANBU I’ve been feeding my 18 month for 2 hours, on and off. Occasionally I have tried giving him to DH but he screams hysterically and DH hands him back as it’s so horrendous. Have also tried refusing milk but again the hysterical screaming. We have another child so the screaming, as well as being unbearable to listen to, wakes him up as well. You are not alone, this stuff does get better eventually. It’s hard though

Trazodone saved my life, I was like this for almost a decade, then found out about Trazodone online, it’s an old school antidepressant also helpful for ptsd. It also works for insomnia, so you can fall asleep faster after waking up in the night.

ok.and its gony sound arsey..
you are being kept awake/deprived of sleep...as a knock on effect/ie.thrashy mc punch n be hot...isnt "settled" your bed,demonic-sleep-thievery serves zero purpose\not sure how culpable intent is at 13mths..
thats as much as i can remember bout what the hell i started to say...? oh aye cause\effect.
you gotta do it that way.

If you’ve got £100 to spare, contact me and I will pass on the details of a Sleep Consultant that I used. She was amazing!!!

I had a different child within a week.

I know you mentioned a night nurse for respite. What about both of you book a night at a premier Inn one weekend soon...different nights, obviously?

No idea. I think one lovely night sleep and return to this is even worse. Last night particularly bad. And I’m constantly achey and stiff from sleeping in weird positions.