Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To finally feel safe in bed

36 replies

CleverQuacks · 06/01/2022 19:37

trigger warning - mention of sexual abuse

I have had two proper long term relationships. Both were sexually abusive with lots of coercion and physical threat if I didn’t comply sexually. This also included both men doing sexual things to me whilst I slept despite the fact I told them many times I didn’t like it.

I am now single. I have four children. We have a four bed house and until recently I had the biggest room with a double bed. Over the last couple of months we have been doing up the house and I decided to change bedrooms around. It made more sense for my daughter to have the bigger room because she spends more time in her room (typical teenager) and I just use my room for sleep.

Anyway to cut a long story short, last night I slept in my new room. The box room with a single bed. For the first time in many years I felt safe as I realised I never have to share a bed with a man again. I never have to have sex again. I can sleep without being touched or hurt. It felt like such a weight off my shoulders.

It probably sounds silly cos I could have stayed in a double bed and still never slept with anyone again but there was something great about knowing that now I am in a single bed, sleeping with another man is not possible.

So I guess my AIBU is, is it silly to think I will never have sex again? And be happy about it? I am early 30s so still have a lot of life ahead of me.

OP posts:
errnerrcallnernnernnern · 06/01/2022 19:42

YANBU, OP, enjoy your new bed!

I think it may also be linked to childhood, I feel very cosy when I stay over at my childhood home in a single bed.

Yes, it’s fine never to want to have sex again. Flowers

LosingTheWill2 · 06/01/2022 19:43

💐 so glad you feel safe. I can understand why you feel safer in a single bed x

PermanentTemporary · 06/01/2022 19:44

I hope you always feel safe from now onwards.

LittleBirdBlu · 06/01/2022 19:46

I too hope that you always feel safe from now on

WhiteXmas21 · 06/01/2022 19:46

What is important now is that you are, and feel, safe. You may want to share your bed at some point. You may not. As long as it’s your choice, it’s fine.
Well done to you for surviving. Hope your life continues to get better.

Sonata13 · 06/01/2022 19:46

Do exactly what makes you feel safe and happy. It's been a long time coming. Enjoy your time with your children. I'm with you all the way.

StopStartStop · 06/01/2022 19:49

Go with it. If you feel safe and happy now, enjoy it. In a few years you might want to try something else - or not.

RedCandyApple · 06/01/2022 19:50

No it’s not silly, I’m early 30s with 4 kids and doubt I will ever meet anyone again either.

BeenHereForAges · 06/01/2022 19:58

May all your nights be safe from now on OP.
Enjoy your new bed and room & if you decide to stay single from now on that's perfectly ok!

RoyKentsChestHair · 06/01/2022 20:10

That’s so lovely to hear. There’s something comforting about a small room of your own isn’t there. Sweet dreams Flowers

2018SoFarSoGreat · 06/01/2022 20:10

ah, bless you, OP. I hope you have only safe and cozy sleeps from now on. So sorry you have been through such horror.

Yes, my DM's wee box room single bed was always an amazing sleep for me. Something about it made for really good nights.

Knockoneofftheshelftowin · 06/01/2022 20:13

I wish you well. I am sorry you had to go through the things you did.

Puremule · 06/01/2022 20:15

Awwhh I am so happy for you and your new peace of mind OP. Enjoy your blissful room x

pastypirate · 06/01/2022 20:32

I totally understand - sounds really liberating well done you!!!!!

FlamingoQueen · 06/01/2022 20:33

Flipping ‘eck! Enjoy your single bed and sleep well for ever more (is it wrong to say I’m jealous?).

crochetmonkey74 · 06/01/2022 20:38

I can feel how cosy your little room feels from here. Single bed, all for you in a small space. Like a little safe nest. I totally get it x well done OP may you have many more safe happy years xx

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2022 20:39

I glad you feel safe. You can choose your future and your past doesn’t have to define you. Smile

SmallElephant · 06/01/2022 20:41

Sleep well OP and enjoy your feeling of liberation Smile

user114653217696248626 · 06/01/2022 20:42

You're happy, you're safe, you're not hurting anyone. Why would it be silly?

It's great that you are able to feel safe and probably what you needed. Sounds like being in the small room in a more contained space has given you a sense of being cuccooned.

Safety is a wonderful feeling.

cravingmilkshake · 06/01/2022 20:43

This post makes me smile. Well done you ❤️

Billythecat · 06/01/2022 20:44

So glad that you now have that peace in your room. May it always be a place of comfort and tranquility for you and wishing you all the best Daffodil

theNumbersStation · 06/01/2022 20:49

May your new nest bring you much happiness.

There is a lot to be said for the sanctuary of a single bed. 🌻

IcicleIcicle · 06/01/2022 20:56

I am really happy you have your sanctuary now OP but also incredibly sad and angry that you were ever unsafe in your bed. Enjoy your room, your safety and your freedom, that would be enough for me too Flowers

Royalbloo · 06/01/2022 21:01

Totally get it Flowers

pumpkinpieintheski · 06/01/2022 21:11

❤️ enjoy, it sounds wonderful to be snug and cosy your little safe haven x