trigger warning - mention of sexual abuse
I have had two proper long term relationships. Both were sexually abusive with lots of coercion and physical threat if I didn’t comply sexually. This also included both men doing sexual things to me whilst I slept despite the fact I told them many times I didn’t like it.
I am now single. I have four children. We have a four bed house and until recently I had the biggest room with a double bed. Over the last couple of months we have been doing up the house and I decided to change bedrooms around. It made more sense for my daughter to have the bigger room because she spends more time in her room (typical teenager) and I just use my room for sleep.
Anyway to cut a long story short, last night I slept in my new room. The box room with a single bed. For the first time in many years I felt safe as I realised I never have to share a bed with a man again. I never have to have sex again. I can sleep without being touched or hurt. It felt like such a weight off my shoulders.
It probably sounds silly cos I could have stayed in a double bed and still never slept with anyone again but there was something great about knowing that now I am in a single bed, sleeping with another man is not possible.
So I guess my AIBU is, is it silly to think I will never have sex again? And be happy about it? I am early 30s so still have a lot of life ahead of me.