Has the pandemic made you realise you’re not a very nice person?

[LowlandsAway]

I’ve found the last two years has really driven home how little I care about things and I’m wondering if I’m just a bit broken. I am being looked at for an early menopause (late 30s) which my mum also had, but I really just can’t be arsed with the details of peoples lives anymore and am realising how much of it beforehand was social pressure to ‘do’ small talk and so on. I have so little patience for faffing/over-sensitivity/whining etc now - it feels like I’ve had empathy surgery. I’ve also noticed I don’t cry myself anymore, starting to wonder if there’s something a bit wrong. Has anyone else found their patience has run out thanks to COVID?

Yes yes yes! I thought it was just me, I hate to admit it but I've become awfully intolerant and impatient to the insignificant little issues people have (don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless or callous and if someone is in genuine and real need I'd help them, without hesitation). Like MIL going in a huff over Wilko running out of a certain soap she uses when the same type can be easily purchased at various other shops. Ffs woman.
I'm turning 40 soon so I'm wondering if it's something to do with that. I also suspect I'm autistic, have done for many years but never formally diagnosed. I just don't know. But I do know I'm far more insular and antisocial now.

Think it’s the perimenopause that is making you not give a fuck, and I think we are all over Covid but I’m also peri and I just DGAF now. My assertiveness has went really high which is great as I was previously a person that hated confrontation, as long as you ain’t rude then DGAF as much as you like!

No, I'm lovely. But... other people... they're not so good...

I wonder if you just have compassion fatigue. We’ve been asked to care about so much - it isn’t all that surprising if sometimes you don’t.

There is no should when it comes to your thoughts or feelings. Even if you were a sociopath, that is not illegal or immoral. It’s only what you do that matters.

I don't think I'm horrible. But peri plus ASD is an interesting combo...I had very low tolerance for people anyway and now I just cut out anyone who whines, acts helplessly when they're actually capable, exhibits snowflake behaviour or wants a medal for coping with the pandemic (the same way every other sod has had to)

I think once you hit your 30s you end up seeing social pressures more and it's a lot harder to engage with it.

I dont think it makes someone not very nice. I think they're just more aware of the fakery and don't have time for it anymore.

Can definitely relate!!
I have never been a nasty person, I've always done a lot for charity, would help anyone, give money to homeless etc. I still have empathy in that context but for the trivial and petty shit, nope!!!

Even watching my DC fannying around trying to decide what to buy with their Xmas money in the toy shop the other day I actually felt like I was losing the will to live. We had been in the shop over an hour, they were wandering back and forth through the aisles umming and ahhing and I honestly could have screamed. They'd pick something up, walk towards the till and then turn back to change it for something else. In the end I said "right that's it, you choose or I'll choose for you" and they soon made a decision then!

My people skills are fine, thank you. It's just my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

No, but I have less tolerance for people with views different to mine, especially when they harm others.

I'm late 50's and have gone through the Menopause, and that coupled with Covid has reduced my tolerance level for the inane, stupid and drama laden stuff to zero to be honest. I just really cannot be arsed with people, unless they are positive, productive, polite and greatful for what they have, then I really don't want to know

I got very annoyed in the hairdressers yesterday because I feel like my hair wasn’t rinsed for long enough!!

@BobbinThreadbare123 THIS!!
I thought I was turning into a right grouchy old hag. I definitely see through people easier now that I did a decade (or two) ago. In my late teens , early 20s, early 30s, I sought social contact to feel validated, popular, liked and accepted. Even if people were unpleasant or used me, I'd tolerate it more readily. I've always struggled socially so always felt the need to be liked to compensate for this. Now I couldn't give a toss who likes me, and whether I'm popular or not. I'm just myself and that's that, I won't comply to expectations just to fit in.

I've noticed that I have less tolerance for rudeness and selfishness now, and things like this annoy me more than they used to. I don't know if it's pandemic related or where I am in life, but I'm just done with bullshit

I don't think I'm horrid but I am way more anti social than I've realised. I spend my weekends without dc locked away in my flat only leaving to buy food or walk ddog and I don't even hate it. Never imagined that of myself. The pandemic has brought out the hidden lazy introvert in me

I can’t be arssed with small talk anymore, seen a guy I had dated previously at the shops yesterday and he wanted to stand and chat shit near the freezers and mid convo I stopped him and said, “look it’s too cold for me standing here talking to you about nowt so I’m excusing myself” and he just looked at me like I was nuts!! I hate that we live so close but hey ho.

Yeah I definitely feel I should clarify I’m not going round being horrible to people! I just don’t have any patience for wishy-washy shit and especially workplace stuff - like I see right through that ‘woman at work being called a bitch for being assertive/having boundaries’ in a way I just didn’t in my twenties. It can fuck off. Most things can fuck off

@liveforsummer I think I need to have "hidden lazy introvert" printed onto a t-shirt for me to wear
@Jamontoast87 life is so much easier when you don't try and do social stuff unless you really want to. Much better for your peace of mind!

I feel similar. Might be peri-menopause, but I certainly feel like covid lockdowns accelerated this feeling. I left fb, I don't agree to any social nights that have tedious people and I'm borderline about to rebel against my in laws. I think my NY mantra is pretty much 'fuck off anyone that doesn't spark joy', could be an interesting year 😁

Cheese you put it so well ‘I’m just done with bullshit’

but I really just can’t be arsed with the details of peoples lives

Nah, you're fine. The only people I worry about are my family. Others, they are welcome to do what they want, just don't expect me to be remotely interested or care.

No, it made me realise how many other people are actually not very nice, that I am actually really nice but used to be far too nice and tolerant, that I have no time for actual or potential arseholery, and that some people need to be told where to go.

I like myself more, not less, for being holed up for 2 years and having come out the other side relatively sane with kids and MH intact (but please can it end soon).

I realised that at the beginning of the lockdown I was quite pleased about not having to worry about seeing people or making an effort. I wish I could get to the dgaf what people think of me though. I hate being such a people pleaser.

I don't think that makes you a not very nice person! I've always felt that way tbh - neither the pandemic nor peri (I'm 50) has affected my attitude in the slightest. Women seem to be expected to do small talk and be empathetic in a way that men aren't (without being considered 'not nice'). Fuck that, frankly.

well iv often felt all my years of dealing with absolute fucking idiots from working in retail all these years has done a lot of damage , covid has just finished me off and made me worse sadly ,
iv always preferred animals to people , but now i feel im only just tolerating people , and i didnt used to feel this strongly , a lot of any empathy i used to have has gone right out the window as well

Thanks all for making me feel less alone with this!

Women seem to be expected to do small talk and be empathetic in a way that men aren't (without being considered 'not nice'). Fuck that, frankly

YES! A thousand times yes, it’s very obvious that I’m breaking the social contract by simply no longer fulfilling ‘woman = doormat’ in public anymore.