To think some people’s expectations of others after their first baby are truly bonkers

[Laughingstock91]

There was a thread on here about someone being deleted by friends partner on Facebook. That’s happened to me and it’s over my alleged lack of interest in a friends first born.

We bought baby a Teddy and sent flowers when baby was born but it’s been made pretty clear that it wasn’t good enough. Constant jibes about the lovely gifts so & so sent. Jibes about how ‘some people don’t show any interest in my baby pics on Facebook’ etc etc.

When my kids were born; the same friend sent a one word text when my youngest was born and that was it. Mainly because she was then single and not interested. But now I am expected to fawn over the baby even though I have 2 kids of my own and a full time career and a life.

Pre kid, the same friend was accusing me of not being available enough.

Aibu to think peoples expectations when they have kids are often crazy? It’s classic ‘PFB’ territory I think - it’s really really pissed me off to be frank though.

Thank god for this post.

YES, YES AND YES.

A friend of 20 years virtually fell out with me because she had her first born in lockdown, was super strict about the rules and wouldnt even meet in gardens when it was allowed, despite me asking everytime the rules changed.

I then got a lenthy text message that i havent done enough and caused her serious hurt and pain.

Yawn.

Wouldnt have minded, except for the whole lock down i intiated all contact via text/phone call etc. All whilst dealign with a miscarriage myself, but no i was selfish and didnt make enough of a fuss.

Friends daughter had a baby in London a year ago . Granny has seen Baby once across a Room, other family members make do with photos. The baby has never met another baby, been to classes. Only mummy and daddy have held him. It's worrying

@hellopicklex

on the other side - my best friend of years literally replied ‘congrats’ when my daughter was born and then didn’t message me at all for weeks. literally fell silent. i deleted her because it felt like a kick in the teeth tbh, that’s not a ‘pfb’ thing, some people do just become shit friends once you’ve had a baby

What if your friend was going through something you didn't know about, did you even bother to ask how she is??

BIL and SIL fell out with DH because he was focusing all of his attention on me and our IVF (which was unsuccessful) and wasn't showing enough interest in their pregnancy.

I still don't know what to say about that.

@justasking111

Friends daughter had a baby in London a year ago . Granny has seen Baby once across a Room, other family members make do with photos. The baby has never met another baby, been to classes. Only mummy and daddy have held him. It's worrying

It is worrying but I don't know that I'd blame the parents or judge them, more that I'd be concerned about them. I can understand how some people have become so, so scared. I had a baby during covid and I remember a MN thread where I was one of very few people who said I'd be using the baby bubble that had recently been introduced and that I'd be letting grandparents hold the baby. A couple of posters implied that I obviously didn't care about my baby if I wasn't going to do everything I possibly could to eradicate any risk of covid, at any cost. People also said the same about the fact I didn't shield while pregnant. I wasn't particularly swayed by this, but then this was a second baby and so frankly germy, germy DS1 was always going to be the biggest risk anyway (and so it was: he brought covid into the house), along with teacher DH. If it had been a first baby and we both worked from home so it had been possible to cut ourselves off I can see how people became persuaded that they should and must do so.

I also know someone who expected her in-laws to look after the baby full time so she could go back to work. When they said No she cut them off and told everyone she couldn't have possibly let them look after the baby, because they didn't have a clue what they were doing- despite having raised her husband and his sister!
When the baby was born she put an announcement on social media saying people could ask for a picture and she'd consider whether or not they could have one, but they weren't doing public pictures.

When the baby was born she put an announcement on social media saying people could ask for a picture and she'd consider whether or not they could have one, but they weren't doing public pictures.

Bet she was disappointed by how many people (no one?) put in a request for photos!

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

I used to think my friend was relatively normal but since her son was born she's lost the bloody plot. For example,, she's a single parent and nominated me as his guardian in her will as her family are all abroad. I recently found out that she's been taking legal advice on how her house will be managed if something happened to her. So how it would work with it belonging to him, but me living there while he's a minor. WTF? I have my own house thank you very much and my own children, and a husband, and two very entitled cats. She seemed genuinely perplexed at the fact I wasn't champing at the bit to leave it all behind to care for her PFB.

Haha, this is nuts

Did you explain to her that it wouldn't work like that?

@Bexxe yes, sounds familiar. Apparently now I have to do all the chasing too as they are so busy with PFB! Despite the fact that I also have 2 kids- I am honestly bored of it!

Other way round for me and one of my mostly ex friends. When she had her baby I cooked food for her, went over to hold baby while she showered and things at least once a week for several months, helped her with trips out. She then moved out of town and I still visited as much as I could until a career change meant I couldn’t afford the train fare down as easily (it was about a week’s worth of disposable income). I then moved to the West Country for work. She lived in Norfolk Doty’s journey was LONG and £££. I was super busy with work and had just started seeing DH who then also lived in another city so weekends were spent with him. She complained loads to mutual friends and to me about how I never came to visit anymore, wasn’t in her kids’ lives enough. A few years later I had a baby. He’s now three and she’s neither met him nor even sent a present, despite the fact that she’s now separated and her ex has their kids every other weekend. I’m fine with that. People’s lives are busy and tiring, and long train journeys to hang out with other people’s children don’t always seem like appealing ways to burn up money and time. What finally did it for me is that she visited my city for a night to go to dinner and stay with a guy she was keen on (he was only there for a couple of weeks — usually he lives in her village). I’d just had an awful miscarriage so needed a bit of pal solidarity and was excited to see her and introduce her to my little boy. I only wanted a half hour coffee or something. She told me she wouldn’t have the time. Literally 15 minutes on foot from my home, with me prepared to see her whenever she could manage, and she didn’t bother. End of friendship for me.

Yep. I had a nice circle of childless friends until I had a baby. I tried to attend nights out. A lot of people would be invited, and go. I had to cancel because my baby was unwell, one friend got annoyed. She said I was flaky and she hated being let down. She ignored all future messages and left me out. Which was fine. Now she has a baby, I sincerley hope she now understands how it is. When your child's sick, you make them your priority and look after them, when no-one other than mummy will do. Mine are growing up now, while many of my old friends are having babies!