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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In blocking and ignoring friend of 20+ years

61 replies

shas19 · 04/01/2022 12:26

We've grown up together since primary school, she was there when my son was born and pretty much speak everyday. Now in 2018 when I was 35 weeks pregnant with my dd, in slow labour and it had snowed heavily where we live it was her sons 2nd birthday. Unfortunately I couldn't make his party, 1st reason being slow labour=very uncomfortable and 2nd would of meant getting a taxi and walking down a big flight of stairs in ice and snow. She went absolutely mental, sending paragraphs and voice notes about how much of a bad friend I am and said some nasty stuff. She was in a bad relationship at the time and I basically spent everyday with her, bought her food shopping and nappies when she had no money, looked after her son etc, stuff that a friend does to help. We didn't speak for around 3months. Got back talking and everything was okay. She's since had two other children and moved around 40mins away we speak on the phone almost daily, I call her. I've been up to visit and whenever she visits her family local to me I go round to see her and so the kids can play, she doesn't come to my house. I'm now currently 38 weeks pregnant and it hasn't been an easy pregnancy and we've kept alot of stuff quiet, and I'm not one for sharing everything on social media, she is. Here's is the new issue she has, I didn't send a happy new year text or go on fb to wish it... neither did she to me. It makes me cringe writing that this is what she's absolutely gone off her rocker about. I'm not one for big Facebook status gushing about friends, family and all that but she's the complete opposite and posts everhthing. She messaged saying 'happy new year to you to!' At the time she messaged I was in hospital for high blood pressure so just ignored and would of dealt with it later. No she had other ideas and in comes a barrage of abuse telling to to delete her fucking number, I'm a shit friend, I'm ignoring her, she's sick of my shit...you get the drift. I simply replied I'm in hospital will talk about later. Not good enough for her, the screaming voice notes start and everything is about how hard done by she is because I didn't bother to send a message, and that she hasn't heard from me. Then the icing on the cake was that I was lying about being in hospital because I didn't let her know I was there and how dare I not tell her. I told her she's ridiculous and you can't argue with an idiot so I simply blocked her. She's took to deleting me off of all social media, how will I survive🙄. She apparently suffers with 'split personality disorder and severe depression' but alot of stuff she says about being diagnosed doesn't add up but whatever not my business, but whenever she has these outbursts she blames her mental health. If you've got this far well done, I'm tired writing about this nonsense! I just feel like I have to complete wash my hands now of it as it feels like she lives for an argument, not just with me but absolutely everyone and its draining me.

OP posts:
Clearlynotmyname · 04/01/2022 15:14

You are well, well shot of that one. Block and never look back. I do not walk away from friends easily but recently did so from a friend of 20+ years... she had always been difficult and I've done my best to put up with it but the last straw was when I called her out for saying something offensive to my beliefs (I'm atheist, she's religious, not that it really matters) and she went batshit at me, saying how dare I, I must be mentally ill etc. It was a relief in a way as it showed me what she is really like. Your friend has done the same for you: take that opportunity and run for it.

Tara336 · 04/01/2022 15:17

I’ve been in a similar situation recently, friend of 10+ years we were very very close but sometimes she would tell me things that would be contradictory to other things she had said. Would be weirdly secretive about some things as well, all things I’d let pass as they didn’t matter much and we had fun together. But she started behaving weirdly with myself and other friends and just not communicating for weeks at a time this went on for a couple years and I slowly stopped making an effort. She blamed her mental health and I was genuinely sympathetic and tried to help. But you can’t be a great friend when it’s very one sided on the communication front! Earlier this year she suddenly started being quite nasty to me for no reason, I was a bit bewildered and left it a few days and tried to speak, she didn’t apologise just once again blamed her MH.

In the meantime I’d got very used to her not being in my life and not telling her things that previously I’d have told her about straight away. Including my wedding being postponed because of COVID. She knew my original date and never bothered to message and wish me luck or anything but I wasn’t bothered tbh.

Her birthday was near my rescheduled wedding date so sent a card early and wrote a note explaining I had a new wedding date, apologies for early card but I didn’t want to miss her birthday etc. Next thing I know couple days before my wedding I’ve been deleted and blocked on Facebook, no idea why. I was so hurt and so upset at the time.

But now I think I actually don’t care, no matter what I’d been a good friend, let things go and to be honest was a bit of a door mat for her. Mental health problems or not no one has the right to treat you badly no matter the length of the friendship. I realise i deserve better, that I’m owed an apology at the very least (which I doubt I’ll ever receive) and I realise I’m actually a lot happier not walking on eggshells anymore and not wondering if I should bother texting and then waiting weeks for a reply when she could be arsed.

I deserve better.. so do you

gsaoej · 04/01/2022 15:25

How wonderful that she’s moved 40 mins away and blocked you. You can cut her off for good without even lifting a finger - fantastic!

Just because she’s a long standing friend, it doesn’t mean she has a licence to abuse you. But she thinks she has this right - abusive and nasty. Cut her off and keep it that way.

Butchyrestingface · 04/01/2022 15:34

Deleting her from your life can only help with that blood pressure.

NumberTheory · 04/01/2022 16:16

I would find that very hard to put up with.

She sounds like she’s been a close friend for decades though. And she’s been calmer, helpful and good to have around a lot of that time? While I don’t think you should put up with this sort of treatment from her, will you not lose a huge amount if you just drop her like this?

Would an alternative be to let things calm down a bit and talk to her when she’s calmer? Let her blame it on her mental health but point out that it’s not an excuse and that by now she should have mechanisms in place to help her divert that sort of behaviour before it hurts those close to her.

shas19 · 04/01/2022 17:13

Omg pregnancy brain I forgot I posted this thanks for all the replies! Honestly she's so selfish centered, everything must evolve around her. I've always known what she's like, she's like it with everyone so everyone else just gets on with it but this time she's gone too far. How someone can get so angry about something so stupid I don't understand. She always says about everything she's done for me...I honestly cant think of anything. When I blocked her within in 16 mins her brother gf had messaged me asking what was going on. She lives for drama.

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shas19 · 04/01/2022 17:14

@ClawedButler

Crikey, with friends like that who needs enemies!
This! I said that to myself last night
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newnameforthis76 · 04/01/2022 17:17

She’s fucking crazy. Run a mile.

shas19 · 04/01/2022 17:18

Thank you! Honestly as I said it makes me cringe to write what the latest problem is as its so childish, but I'm definitely not a childish person hence the entertaining it. It's insane. Tbh, in the last year she has called me probably 5 times, I call her any other. But yea I'm the bad person in her head. I was sat in triage getting a cervical exam whilst my phone was pinging off with abuse, midwife said oh someone is desperate to get in contact. She's crazy!

OP posts:
Glowtastic · 04/01/2022 17:21

There's no such thing as split personality disorder by the way. It's a made up thing for the film industry, there's dissociative identity disorder but the behaviour she's exhibiting is not indicative of that!

shas19 · 04/01/2022 17:24

@NumberTheory

I would find that very hard to put up with.

She sounds like she’s been a close friend for decades though. And she’s been calmer, helpful and good to have around a lot of that time? While I don’t think you should put up with this sort of treatment from her, will you not lose a huge amount if you just drop her like this?

Would an alternative be to let things calm down a bit and talk to her when she’s calmer? Let her blame it on her mental health but point out that it’s not an excuse and that by now she should have mechanisms in place to help her divert that sort of behaviour before it hurts those close to her.

I wish that were the case but unfortunately she's always been like this. It's almost a personality trait for her. In all honesty I won't lose anything other than having one less person to call each day, that's the sad reality of it. If I dont reach out to her I won't hear from her then she goes mad because she hasn't heard from me? It's so draining. And what even more draining is that she's never wrong, resorts to childish indirect on social media etc, very childish. I suffer with depression but never treat my friends like this. For now I think I have to wash my hands, my blood pressure may go through the roof otherwise😬😬
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shas19 · 04/01/2022 17:26

@Glowtastic

There's no such thing as split personality disorder by the way. It's a made up thing for the film industry, there's dissociative identity disorder but the behaviour she's exhibiting is not indicative of that!
Yes exactly! She was apparently diagnosed but it just didn't add up. One week she had depression then the next it was spilt personality.. but yeah whatever. Blaming behaviour on mental health is the worst
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TrashyPanda · 04/01/2022 17:28

She sounds very hard work - and you have done more than enough.

Her behaviour is off the charts!

Block and move on. Nobody needs that sort of hassle.

MrsPerfect12 · 04/01/2022 17:34

Right now you certainly don't need the drama. Look after yourself Flowers I can't get my head around her calling you a liar when you said you were in hospital.

Hopevoyager · 04/01/2022 17:34

So the first outburst was when you were heavily pregnant. The second, the same. Sounds to me like she has an issue with coming second in your life!
You don’t need this kind of crap from a ‘friend’. Be kind to yourself and save the best version of you for the people in your life who deserve your time and don’t make you feel bad.
Good luck with the new baby when the time comes!

shas19 · 04/01/2022 17:35

@Hopevoyager

So the first outburst was when you were heavily pregnant. The second, the same. Sounds to me like she has an issue with coming second in your life! You don’t need this kind of crap from a ‘friend’. Be kind to yourself and save the best version of you for the people in your life who deserve your time and don’t make you feel bad. Good luck with the new baby when the time comes!
Yes there's definitely a pattern. She hates that I have other friends also. She's very reliant on me and her mum and family. Thank you! Peace and quiet
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Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 04/01/2022 17:50

MH is not an excuse for this kind of drama. And I very much doubt she has 'split personality disorder' since that is not really a thing - it is called dissociative identity disorder but the idea of different personalities is pretty much discredited now.

NumberTheory · 04/01/2022 18:50

I wish that were the case but unfortunately she's always been like this. It's almost a personality trait for her. In all honesty I won't lose anything other than having one less person to call each day, that's the sad reality of it. If I dont reach out to her I won't hear from her then she goes mad because she hasn't heard from me? It's so draining. And what even more draining is that she's never wrong, resorts to childish indirect on social media etc, very childish. I suffer with depression but never treat my friends like this. For now I think I have to wash my hands, my blood pressure may go through the roof otherwise

If that’s the case then drop her like a hot stone!

Really. Relationships should be beneficial to both parties. You have no obligation to just be on the losing end of a one way street. People aren’t charity cases.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/01/2022 18:53

You are not unreasonable at all! I wouldn’t have forgiven her the first time.

Bettysnow · 04/01/2022 18:55

Life is far too short to have people like this in it! Once she realises that you aren't running after her she will make contact again and try to reel you back in. Keep her blocked and enjoy the company of people you can call real friends.
I know a few of these types and they always end up alone as everyone eventually distance themselves from them. Sadly they never realise they are the problem and just become more embittered blaming everyone except themselves

PGSTesting123 · 04/01/2022 18:59

She's an attention seeker.
An absolute moron to boot.
Get rid of this trash and have a stress free pregnancy.

Pamlar · 04/01/2022 19:54

Well done. Don't look back and prepare yourself for the dramatic sob story when she needs your help

Hawkins001 · 05/01/2022 21:56

All the best op

Sportslady44 · 05/01/2022 22:39

Facebook has got alot to answer for. Go back to the days before it. You had none of this stupid likes and status things. You spoke to on the phone along more too.

How on earth do people think other folk have the time to keep up with everything on Facebook.

shas19 · 07/01/2022 10:04

She's now just text me saying to stop being stupid and she was having a bad day... can't write this shit😑🤣

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