I don't feel grown up / mature

[BeachTree]

Does anyone ever feel immature or perhaps not 'grown up' enough for their age? I am 35, I have a good job that I enjoy, a car, own a small property and live alone. I am single and have no children. I suppose in some respects I feel I am not 'grown up' enough for my age.

When I look around at others of a similar age I feel they appear to me as more mature - they speak well - with confidence and a grown up air/attitude, appear 'sorted' or more 'settled' in life, perhaps children and long term relationships adds to my perceived 'maturity' of other people around me. Maybe it all comes boils down to confidence or lack of. I can't quite put a finger on my reasons. Anyone else feel this way? Thank you

@Ohyesiam

Everybody, everybody, EVERYBODY is just busking it. You, me, the Dalai Lama , Priti Patel. We all feel like helpless children on some level. The whole of our economy runs on bolstering ourselves up. Think about it, if we felt secure why would women spend money on face cream that costs more per gram than gold? That said, when menopause rolls round you do find that you give a LOT less fucks than you used to.

I love this! I seen a good meme once, something long the lines of ' you only get a certain amount of fucks, ration them carefully'

39 and feel like this too.
It's also so strange to think our generation is now in charge of things in so many areas in society - politicians, senior managers, doctors, scientists... It feels like only a couple of years ago we were at school! 🤣

@Woodlandwater

I feel like this. I'm late 30s and feel like a little girl at work, even though I'm reasonably senior. I watched a 24 year old walk into our office, take command and have clear poise, whereas I'm left looking like the worst bits of Mel and Sue (scatty, bad jokes, juvenile but mumsy style). No idea how to be like 'the poised one'.

Thing is, I bet you do appear poised and in control and all those things to everyone else. We just can't see it about ourselves!

58 & still feel it. I do some really childish things tho too eg: waiting for friends to finish speaking on front doorstep, found myself "playing" on the kerb with my garden shears sort of balanced round my neck. I just don't realise I'm doing it til later.

Every time I achieve something at work, I have to stop myself thinking ‘that was pretty impressive for someone as young as me!’
I’m not young.

49 in March. Can't believe I'll be 50 next year! How has that happened? Still don't feel like a grown up despite 3 grown up dds and 1 dgs. Own house. Illness prevents me from working though. I still feel people don't take me seriously 🤣

31, married with two children and still don’t feel like a ‘grown up’ yet! I feel like I’m a kid playing house.

Yeah.... I was at a kids party with my son this weekend and very much felt like the least adulty adult in the room.

I get the same feeling when Im talking to other parents, as i did when I was a teenager talking to my mate's parents and trying to be grown up. Does that make sense?!

Except Im in my 30s, have a full time job, my own consultancy, a 5 year old and an ex husband.

@Tiny2018

37 here and still feel like a teenager in my head (often act one like too, which I'm not proud of). I find I spend a lot of my waking hours reminiscing about the best parts of my life, in my late teenage years and twenties, before I had any responsibilities. A lot of the conversations i have with friends centre around music, products etc from those years. I wonder if I'm clinging onto the past too hard sometimes.

Outside of that, I really don't know. My confidence wanes these days due yo numerous factors but everybody else I know seems to act like adults. I see how much they actually feel like I do after they've had a few vinos though.

You are me. I'm 37 too, EXACTLY the same! I'm stuck in the 90s/early 00s. I reminisce in my head constantly throughout the day

Yeah, I’m in my 40s and married with 2 kids, a good job, house etc etc.

I feel like I’m pretending to be a grown up a lot of the time! Waiting for someone to catch me out.

Whenever my kids ask me where to put something, my first response is always 'up your bum' and I'm not sure I'm ever going to grow out of it...

36 with two kids. I feel like I’m 16. I have never been able to function as a proper adult and I’m doing very badly. I still rely way too heavily on my parents which is a horrible feeling. I have recently realised that I have inattentive type adhd so fear I may never be a functioning adult, which is very depressing.

I'm almost 40, own my own home, have two kids, a good job, two cars (one a Volvo!!) and still don't feel like an adult. I don't think I look like one anyway

I do remember thinking when the kids were born : 'When are the adults arriving!?!?'

Love this thread.

OMG i have found my people. I’m oddly capable in some ways but I always assume that other people are more adulty than me and probably know better than I do. Even people younger than me. I still haven’t got to grips with some really basic shit in life and have never had a career as I just don’t feel like I’m grown up enough to have one. I’m 40.

I felt like this for a long time. Am also the youngest child so maybe that's why.

I'm 58, not wearing elasticated trousers and a bit tiddly on wine having sorted out the fam's return to work and school tomorrow. Feeling about 30 but that could be the Rose talking 😂

I keep womdering when ill feel like a grown up... maybe when i own a million tea towels and bath towels like my mother!

Sometimes i get a bit shocked that im a mother... and a home owner.. and a senior teacher... like wtf??

I’m two years older than you and job hunting, don’t drive, renting, no kids and having a ball! It’s all just a number until you need a joint replacing, try not to worry about it

I am a Solicitor with 2 kids, married, a house, a private pension plan and private healthcare. Do I feel grown up?! Nope. I often feel like an imposter in my own life. Like I'm still 18 and just blagging my way through life.

Honestly though, I think we all feel that way. We try to project confidence and certainty but we are all much less sure of ourselves on the inside.

Your super confident friends with jobs and kids who appear to have it altogether....they only act like that because they have people relying on them. They can't admit they don't know it all or know exactly what they are doing. Tiny humans are dependant on them and are watching them all day. They have no choice.

All parents and non-parents are the same. We are like ducks. Apparently gliding smoothly through life, but underneath the surface we are paddling our legs furiously. And we all have times when we just want to crawl under our duvet, eat a Chinese and watch Mean Girls like it's the noughties again.

Your doing great!

I'm a high earner, own house, children, smart, career etc etc etc. Yet I feel like an immature child at all times even with people younger than me. I just feel a bit like a fraud or a simpleton no matter what context I'm in. I often think that people must think I'm really incompetent or immature or silly and yet logically this cannot be the case (not all the time anyway lol).

I don't know where it comes from but you're not alone in feeling this way.

I’m the same. I’m 36, own a big house, run a business, have a wonderful DS: from the outside I should be seen as a success but I don’t think I am. I’m sure I look as anxious as I feel inside.

I remember a friend (who is older than me) once telling me that his niece was the same age as me but much more mature and to be honest, that stung a bit. It’s been 4 years and I still can’t forget it. I don’t know HOW to be more mature and I put it down to nerves a lot of the time. I don’t have a huge group of friends so always feel a bit lost and awkward. I got married young and whilst I don’t regret that at all, I don’t feel like I “lived” my 20s, if that makes sense?

I remember going on a training course for newly qualified teachers and another NQT asked the head teacher when did they start to feel that they knew exactly what they were doing. The head said that he still doesn't quite believe that he's head teacher and he still winging it.

I’m nearly 60 and I still feel this way. I think almost everyone feels like this, some people are just better at pretending they don’t.