Husband just won't give up the cigs

[pradalover]

I'm trying not to interfere.

Can I ask, if anyone has given up- what made you want to give up ?

Did something click or was it gradual ?

I just can't see that he wants to give up. I don't think he ever will.

I used to smoke and can enjoy the odd one when drinking. So I don't judge smoking or anything like that. But obviously continuing day in and day out for many years will have catastrophic consequences.

For me, giving up was more of a gradual process.

Did anyone have a light bulb moment that helped ?

Or a health scare or something ?

I have smoked since I was 15. Probably on about 15 a day at my "height" but could smash through 40 a day on holiday (smoking all day then a big night out)
I don't smoke now....except I do. Night out with certain friends, I'll smoke. A week to myself (Covid isolation) I smoked.
I am on Nicorette tablets, and I suspect I always will be.
What I'm trying to say is that it is HARD. It's (apparently) on a par with heroin addiction. He will only be able to successfully give up when he wants to. No amount of nagging will make him stop.
The only reason I don't smoke all day every day is the cost and the fact I know it'll kill me (although if I'm honest, if they were cheap, I'd smoke)

Sorry, I didn't really answer your question, and I missed that you also used to smoke.
No lightbulb moment here.
Just a realisation that I can't afford it.
And it was taking over my life. Every day out was spent looking for moments I could escape the kids and smoke

For me it was the Alan Carr book where he says "you only need to smoke because you smoke" meaning take away the nicotine addiction and you don't need any more nicotine. After that, it's all in your head.

He really focuses on the psychological aspect which we all need.

He also tells the story of when he had given up but then secretly started and was hiding it from his wife. One night after he had gone to bed, it was pouring with rain outside so he got on his knees and smoked a cigarette in front of the fire, blowing the smoke up the chimney. He was so uncomfortable and really didnt' enjoy the cigarette at all. It still makes me laugh imagining it.

I think we have all done stupid things like that.

I gave up 18 years ago and have not had a single one since, which I am very proud about .

But yes, your husband does need to want to give up. I think sometimes people are just too afraid to face life without their crutch. Terrified even.

Damn, it was after she had gone to bed, not he!

Alan Carr had a wife??

@Somanysocks not THAT Alan Carr 🙈

I quit smoking 3 months ago after realising that I couldn’t afford it anymore and how much money I wasting every month. I still use nicotine pouches and probably will long term but I guess that’s still better than smoking.

Yes it's totally his crutch. He says he has nothing no escape within it.

Being an ex smoker myself, I understand that.

I now use food / too much TV and Netflix / spending loads of money on clothes / bags instead as my vice. Not ideal either. But I try to keep it within limits.

Haha, I'd heard about Alan Carr's give up smoking book and always thought it was the comedian . Had no idea there was another one.

As you were.

We booked an expensive holiday. Looking at ways of paying for it, smoking was staring us in the face. We went onto ecigs. DH still on them 9 years later, I stopped all nicotine with 4 months.

It had already done the damage as I had a heart attack at age 51.

I was not exactly a 'heavy' smoker but went through phases and smoked a lot when I was drinking. I've knocked it on the head now and my 'lightbulb moment' was my mum's death from lung cancer. She was 57 and had given up years ago. Seeing someone die as a direct result of smoking made it a lot scarier.

We never got my dad to quit smoking; I think the only thing that might have done it would be a "Ghost of Christmas Future" style trip to see himself in the dementia care home he ended up in. Like a lot of people, he was the type of person who would probably have said "oh just shoot me if I end up like that/ oh I'll just shoot myself if I end up like that" but if everyone who said that did it, there wouldn't be many people in those homes. It was crammed.

Of course, he may have got it anyway- but he got it in his 60s and died at 72. His 3 nonsmoking (two never, one quitter nearly 20 years ago) siblings are still alive and mentally fine.

Watching my mum die a horrible and painful death from lung cancer was enough to kick it into touch for me.
Stopped smoking the week after she died and have not picked up another cigarette since.
I was a heavy smoker for approx 15 years

There's just nothing I can do.

For me, stuff like videos showing cancer sufferers etc and just how damaging if is, really help. He won't even watch that stuff though.

There is nothing you can do to make someone give up...we tried for years
The penny didn't drop until they were told they would lose their legs unless they gave up (age 54) and had a massive op
The damage was already done by then tho....

@pradalover

I'm trying not to interfere.

Can I ask, if anyone has given up- what made you want to give up ?

Did something click or was it gradual ?

I just can't see that he wants to give up. I don't think he ever will.

I used to smoke and can enjoy the odd one when drinking. So I don't judge smoking or anything like that. But obviously continuing day in and day out for many years will have catastrophic consequences.

For me, giving up was more of a gradual process.

Did anyone have a light bulb moment that helped ?

Or a health scare or something ?

It's incredibly hard. Hardest thing I have ever done. The only reason why I managed to give up was because I wanted to try for a child desperately. Even then it took me s very long time.

What really helped was to switch to vaping. I didn't enjoy vaping and it broke the ritual of lighting up but I still got my nicotine fix. I only vaped for a couple of weeks though. Otherwise I'm sure I would hsbr got addictrd to that.

@Munchyseeds

There is nothing you can do to make someone give up...we tried for years The penny didn't drop until they were told they would lose their legs unless they gave up (age 54) and had a massive op The damage was already done by then tho....

Such a shame that it seems to drop when it's too late !

Dh has given up a few times. Gone back on though. He doesnt smoke near house or in car or infront of the kids - he is embarrassed about smoking. It's his choice. He never nags me about eating or my weight which is my struggle

I quit age 26 when I started coughing up blood, and I knew I wanted to TTC the following year.

But obviously continuing day in and day out for many years will have catastrophic consequences.

As we've been well and truly reminded on the Covid threads, we all have to die from something. Assisted suicide aside there's very few nice ways.

Perhaps your dh doesn't want to end up in a care home. Not everybody does.

I understand your concerns OP. Obviously smoking can be harmful to the health. But then so can many other things in life. Sugar, poverty, poor housing, pollution, cars - and, far too often underestimated, stress.

As the government says, we all have to live with risk. The good news is that smoking, unlike Covid, is a net gain to the national economy.

Like I say I do understand your worries, but you need to respect his choice, because if nothing else pushing someone to give up very often backfires. He needs to want to give up, not feel forced.

@Tealightsandd

But obviously continuing day in and day out for many years will have catastrophic consequences.

As we've been well and truly reminded on the Covid threads, we all have to die from something. Assisted suicide aside there's very few nice ways.

Perhaps your dh doesn't want to end up in a care home. Not everybody does.

I understand your concerns OP. Obviously smoking can be harmful to the health. But then so can many other things in life. Sugar, poverty, poor housing, pollution, cars - and, far too often underestimated, stress.

As the government says, we all have to live with risk. The good news is that smoking, unlike Covid, is a net gain to the national economy.

Like I say I do understand your worries, but you need to respect his choice, because if nothing else pushing someone to give up very often backfires. He needs to want to give up, not feel forced.

I think smoking is pretty silly though.

It's just such an obvious one and it's a horrible death.

We all have to die sometime of course, but maybe not in your 60s or 70s of a basically self inflicted cancer.

It's just such an obvious one and it's a horrible death.

Very few deaths aren't horrible. Assisted suicide is the only way to avoid that.

We all have to die sometime of course, but maybe not in your 60s or 70s of a basically self inflicted cancer

But look at the alternative. There's been a huge amount written just on MN alone about the issues of living a long life. Regardless of whether the individual is happy to live longer, society is (sadly) increasingly seeing the elderly as a burden.

Even with good care and well funded care homes (something we don't currently have), not everyone wants that end. People who do should absolutely be supported and there should never ever be pressure into assisted suicide, but choosing to pursue an activity that might cause a slightly shorter life but gives pleasure at the time is an equally valid choice.

I've given up three times - once from Alan carrs book, once using champix from the GP and thirdly via Tabex.

It's incredibly hard but the important thing is that he wants to do it - the book I found so useful in opening your eyes to the nature of the addiction and as you can smoke whilst reading it it's a good way to start

Btw non-smoker lung cancer cases are on the rise.

www.verywellhealth.com/why-is-lung-cancer-increasing-in-never-smokers-4688865