Is it possible to not be like this?

[ppeony]

I don’t remember a time when I haven’t had dread sitting inside me, even at times when I’m not panicked it’s there, even when I’m happy and enjoying myself, I can feel it. My anxiety has specific triggers that I’m trying to work on, and I have counselling lined up, but I’ve no idea what to do about this feeling—like I’m just waiting for something terrible to happen, like there’s no point doing anything enjoyable because it’s temporary. It feels like it will never go, because it’s no vague… And even the specific triggers, well, I’m so sceptical about trying counselling again. It feels like painting by numbers or something. Checklists, rating yourself 1-10, the same old structure every time, never in any real depth. Does anyone else find this?
Sorry. I’m just feeling so low. I can’t even read (my main pleasure in life) because my mind is all over the place.

I am watching this thread with interest, as I could have written it myself. I am 46, bipolar, bpd and asperger's.

The simplest thing that helped me when I felt anxious and found myself constantly worrying about stuff was to be told FEAR - Future Events Aren't Real.

That getting stressed about things that might happen was daft, you were investing worry in imaginary things that hadn't even happened and getting yourself anxious over a situation that didn't actually exist and was all in your head.

This really helped me. In addition, a situation I had worried about for approximately two years turned out to be fine - I had wasted two years of stress and anxiety on something that turned out not to actually be true at all.

Thanks for this. I think that’s the most infuriating thing about this isn’t it, that the next day and the next day after that are almost always fine! I mean, great! But why did we torment ourselves.

I keep trying to think about when I’ve had reeally bad experiences related to my anxiety, and how no matter the awfulness of it, that it passes. That’s really important to hold on it when starting to catastrophise.

However, what I really struggle with is almost the sensation of dread with no tangible cause.

When you get the sensation of dread, have you tried writing it down?

Taking it out of your imagination and putting it down in black and white can often make you see how farfetched your fears really are. Once you can look at the dread a bit more objectively, write down the following;

1. The absolute worst outcome (and give examples of when that's actually happened in the past. For example, if you worry about having a serious car accident, write down how you coped when it last happened to you).

1. The best possible outcome and how that will make you feel.

1. The most likely outcome.

I guess you've seen this thought record before but do give it a go - it really does work.

It sounds to me that you’ve got into a hyper vigilant way of thinking - it’s now not even conscious; it’s become automatic. Your body is in fight or flight all the time. But you CAN change it, I promise.

I had a debilitating fear and anxiety about something quite specific and it was affecting my whole life. I did the Thrive programme and it’s now almost completely under control.

It’s not counselling (I tried two lots of that), but it tackles anxiety and teaches you to retrain your thinking by questioning and changing your beliefs and challenging your thinking styles.

It’s quite expensive (about £45 for the book), but it is sooo worth it. I think Thrive is on Instagram if you want to have a look.

You have my sympathy but I honestly believe you can solve this. I now can’t believe I let fear take over my life!

Yes. Every single minute of every single day. Its hard work. Sleeping helps as when I'm sleeping I'm I'm worrying.

I somethings think I'm in a constant state of hyperventilating. People would be shocked if they knew as I look so calm and collected but inside I'm in turmoil ALL.THE.TIME.FOR.YEARS.AND.YEARS

Can relate to this. Find exercise very helpful. It’s good that you’re planning to seek help.

@Toottoot11

That sounds exhausting. What have you tried so far to change the situation?

I'm on Meds and I've had cognitive therapy twice. Then they referred me for more sessions which didn't work. They said that the average sessions are about 7 sessions (I think) I had about 15 and in the end I lied and said it helped. It didn't. I might try the book an above poster suggested above.

I function normally day-to-day but I do have moments where it gets too much. Especially the health anxiety.

@Toottoot11

I'm on Meds and I've had cognitive therapy twice. Then they referred me for more sessions which didn't work. They said that the average sessions are about 7 sessions (I think) I had about 15 and in the end I lied and said it helped. It didn't. I might try the book an above poster suggested above.

I function normally day-to-day but I do have moments where it gets too much. Especially the health anxiety.

CBT does work, but a lot of it depends on the rapport between the therapist and the client, and also the amount of work the client puts in between sessions - it's not a passive process.

Have you considered hypnosis/hypnotherapy?

OP, can I ask what age you are?

The 'sensation of dread' rang a bell with me. When I hit peri-menopause I was constantly filled with what I called 'impending doom'...the feeling that something terrible was about to happen.

It's very common in peri and menopause and is related (I think) to hormone levels. HRT helped me massively.

There are times when the fear threatens to completely overwhelm me. Only those closest to me would have any idea that it was going on. It is truly exhausting.

I can relate to lots of these posts. I’ve had crippling anxiety for the past year or so and while CBT has helped tremendously to the point where I can function pretty much normally now, I have this perpetual physical anxiety that I can’t get rid of. Like a permanent knot in my stomach, stomach doing backflips, shallow breathing, and feeling generally on edge. It makes going anywhere exhausting. I can do it, and I can get through it, but then I just feel so wiped out afterwards. And going out for meals is really hard because my stomach will be backflipping so badly that I can’t eat much (even though I love my food and used to be able to eat for England).

I’ve had beta blockers a few times before, just as and when the anxiety got really bad, and I’m tempted to try them again to see whether they can calm the physical anxiety and help me get on with things for a while.

Someone unthread mentioned hyper vigilance and that’s exactly it. Mentally I’m doing so much better but my body still hasn’t got out of fight or flight mode.

It’s a bit retro but Feel the Fear and do it Anyway is a useful book.
I have also experienced this, it came on post-natally and I took ADs and Beta Blockers for a short time. This gave me breathing space from the anxiety and during that time I was able to get back into exercise (a huge help), intermittent fasting (I find this calming) and writing stuff down. Also “praying” (I’m not religious but it helps).
I talk to a friend regularly about such matters and that’s brought me to the conclusion-when you’re anxious ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Usually it’s “people will disapprove”. I then started analysing it saying “so what if someone disapproves of me, it’s just a feeling”. I started doing things that scared me and realised that nothing bad happened and actually, good things tend to happen.

@Sarahlou63

When you get the sensation of dread, have you tried writing it down?

Taking it out of your imagination and putting it down in black and white can often make you see how farfetched your fears really are. Once you can look at the dread a bit more objectively, write down the following;

1. The absolute worst outcome (and give examples of when that's actually happened in the past. For example, if you worry about having a serious car accident, write down how you coped when it last happened to you).

1. The best possible outcome and how that will make you feel.

1. The most likely outcome.

I guess you've seen this thought record before but do give it a go - it really does work.

I have a CBT workbook I’m using, which has exercises like this. It seems to help with my social anxiety triggers, but not so much this, because I can’t articulate it really

@Toottoot11

Yes. Every single minute of every single day. Its hard work. Sleeping helps as when I'm sleeping I'm I'm worrying.

I am sorry you’re going through this. It’s absolutely exhausting isn’t it

@Toottoot11

I somethings think I'm in a constant state of hyperventilating. People would be shocked if they knew as I look so calm and collected but inside I'm in turmoil ALL.THE.TIME.FOR.YEARS.AND.YEARS

Have you tried beta blockers? Propanolol has really helped me with my palpitations

@BoPeeple

It sounds to me that you’ve got into a hyper vigilant way of thinking - it’s now not even conscious; it’s become automatic. Your body is in fight or flight all the time. But you CAN change it, I promise.

I had a debilitating fear and anxiety about something quite specific and it was affecting my whole life. I did the Thrive programme and it’s now almost completely under control.

It’s not counselling (I tried two lots of that), but it tackles anxiety and teaches you to retrain your thinking by questioning and changing your beliefs and challenging your thinking styles.

It’s quite expensive (about £45 for the book), but it is sooo worth it. I think Thrive is on Instagram if you want to have a look.

You have my sympathy but I honestly believe you can solve this. I now can’t believe I let fear take over my life!

Thank you! I will look into this. If £45 can help I’ll be over the moon - that’s one counselling session!

I think it’s a fight or flight response too. I suffer with my stomach too which is part of this.

I have this. I explained it to my (then) DP as being like when you are worried or anxious about something but you don’t know what. And then you realise what, it’s the rest of your life. It felt like he got it when I said that, but clearly he didn’t.

@FirewomanSam

I can relate to lots of these posts. I’ve had crippling anxiety for the past year or so and while CBT has helped tremendously to the point where I can function pretty much normally now, I have this perpetual physical anxiety that I can’t get rid of. Like a permanent knot in my stomach, stomach doing backflips, shallow breathing, and feeling generally on edge. It makes going anywhere exhausting. I can do it, and I can get through it, but then I just feel so wiped out afterwards. And going out for meals is really hard because my stomach will be backflipping so badly that I can’t eat much (even though I love my food and used to be able to eat for England).

I’ve had beta blockers a few times before, just as and when the anxiety got really bad, and I’m tempted to try them again to see whether they can calm the physical anxiety and help me get on with things for a while.

Someone unthread mentioned hyper vigilance and that’s exactly it. Mentally I’m doing so much better but my body still hasn’t got out of fight or flight mode.

Absolutely this. So, so exhausting.

Beta blockers are brilliant for the physical side of things and I consider them a kind of mental prop too. Sometimes the fear of the physical symptoms is the biggest worry, for me.

Just want to say thanks for all the advice and also solidarity to those feeling the same. Be kind to yourselves x

Have you read The Power of Now? It was recommended to me ages ago and I put it off as it just sounded a bit new age-y and ‘woo’ but actually I thought it was great and it might help in combination with other things

The dread - I get this, it's awful.

For all of you describing the physical symptoms of stress/anxiety please have a look at

Knowing what your body is doing and why it's doing it (and that, while it's not comfortable, it is perfectly normal) can help you control it with relaxation and breathing exercises.