Hello, I have put this in AIBU as I know it gets most responses. Sorry. I feel desperate and need advice.
My eldest is 18 in full time education with an EHCP for a language disorder, ADD and dyslexia. He finishes college in July 22. Currently my husband and I pay for everything because he can't have a job as he is a resident at a college located miles away from anything. He is a resident for the rest of the families benefit.
He has always been extremely difficult to live with. Massive melt downs, he is aggressive and violent. It has been so traumatic raising him. He hits his younger siblings and his father. He breaks a lot of things. His attitude and language stinks. We have called 999 before and I have personally called social services for help. Nothing happened. Every school and college have also been told but they too say that there is no help available.
This has been going on for years. During lockdown I was so depressed living with him, I was suicidal. I would drive around for hours to be away from him and would dream of driving into walls at speed. He locked me in rooms and called me and his siblings and dad all sorts of names. This Christmas Eve I took a knife to my wrist in dispare and desparation. Small cuts but nothing terrible: a cry for help.
I've gone to my GP numerous times over the years but we were turned down by CAMHS twice. The GP just says call the police.
After college, he most likely won't get PIP as he would pass any interview, but is also not likely to get a job paying very much either. He won't be able to leave home any time soon.
I have strict rules at home from the basics of clearing up after yourself or walking the dog etc. To major ones such as no smashing doors, kicking siblings etc. He just ignores them and then makes some excuse as to why it happened. Or he calls me names and says I am mean and horrible. He always blames other people.
I am dreading him coming home after his education. I have suggested to his dad that we get a divorce and he keeps our eldest; just so I can get away from him. I think we would fight over who would NOT have him.
I want him to leave, but know he has nowhere to go. His attitude is getting worse, not better. Even after the police came and spoke to him, he just was angry and said we were dreadful parents for calling 999 on him.
We paid for psychiatric counselling but this just seemed to validate his feelings and he became far far worse. Clearly the counsellor only heard his story. I know it is a journey, but I stopped paying for counselling.
His siblings hate him and love him. They would never forgive me for kicking him out as they know that his learning needs are not his fault and much of his behaviour is directly connected to that. Yet they hate his behaviour too. My daughter just stays in her room when he is home.
I can't win and I don't know what to do. I really need advice and guidance.