Hi
Its so vain and shallow to be bothered so much by someone's appearance when there is more to a person. However, as a human being its hard not to be.
My dh has massively let himself go over the years.
He doesn't take care of himself at all. He has piled on weight but he for some reason doesn't see it. Whenever the topic comes up he tells me how he is still slim and can't believe in all these years he has maintained his sae weight. The thing is he has put on a few stone. He is wearing clothes that are far to small and its embarrassing. His tops come up to show his middle and he looks 8 months pregnant because of it. His trousers hang low as he can't pull them up. I'm not awful I get he can't help it in some ways but he goes on about how easy it is to stay slim and how people are lazy etc. I'm baffled. If he acknowledged this and was working on it fair enough but to be completely blind to such an increase is worrying as his health is also affected. He eats alot but is oblivious to this too. He does eat junk but its the huge portions of seemingly healthy food. He tells me he eats better than me (which is probably true in terms of protein etc) but thinks nothing of eating 3 people's meals in one sitting. He always finishes the childrens dinner left overs and it makes me feel awful to see it. My children are fussy eaters so more often than not leave a large portion of their dinner so its not the odd bit its a whole extra meal. He will then finish off the pan of dinner while tidying up. Again if there was acknowledgement then fine but he goes on about healthy eating like he knows it all and then does this.
Its not just his weight. He never shaves and cuts his hair himself. Its not even styled.
His clothes as not in fashion. He used to be quite fashionable but now he wears old tatty clothes.
He has less showers than is ideal.
I hate to write this down but him on top (sex) is awful as i have a tiny frame.
I gained weight with having the children so im not immune and unsympathetic. However, I acknowledged it, worked on losing it, which was hard, and I still do my hair, be clean and take pride in how I look.
He sits there in his tatty clothes unshaven, eating, farting, burping and picking his nose and wonders why I don't want sex. I told him these things turn me off but he gets defensive and says I'm horrible to say such.
I do care for him but my patience is wearing thin. I'm falling out of love with him. Not because of the weight gain as im not that shallow but because of all the rest combined.
Hes not depressed so its not that.
He can't see it.
What can I do. I want to try to salvage my marriage but I can't live with someone who takes so little effort and care. If that makes me awful then so be it.