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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stuff is too hard to get rid of

738 replies

Clutterbusting · 02/01/2022 23:32

I want to be free of my stuff. I’m drowning in it. My house is a mess and all that happens when I have a sort out is it gets moved about. I spend money on storage solutions when I need to just get rid.
I want to but where to? Charity shops are picky and I have A LOT to shift. Selling takes too long and I can’t be wasteful so a skip is out. What can I do?
AIBU to think this is just too hard?

OP posts:
N1no · 06/01/2022 03:18

I have to say that I agree. I had my first child 2 months ago and bought most things second hand. I find it a lot easier to part from it (maternity cloth, newborn size) again. I knew how much one gets given and had asked for specific wood toys but feel still overwhelmed by the amount of toys. I kept them in the packaging to sell or gift to someone else.
I think we have to realise that an unwanted or unneeded gift is a burden to the person it was given to. I have a list of presents I would have liked to receive but still got the toiletry bag number 4 and a bonnet (I have thick long hair and they just don’t stay on) for Christmas. I’m selling/ free cycling/ putting outside at least one item every Tuesday.

Roxy69 · 06/01/2022 04:10

Are you trying to do too much at once. I do a sort out into a bin bag and then just deal with that before filling the next one. If you are not adding to the stuff as you get rid of one bag you will see the difference and not get stressed. Be a bit creative with the toys, there may be a Salvation Army that can use them or womens refuge. Homeless charities might love some things, the one near me has a list of what they accept. Please don't get a skip or just bin things that's not environmentally friendly. Also you might like to enlist the help of a friend to help.

sue20 · 06/01/2022 06:36

Yes it’s true. She’s rather likeable.

Tzimi · 06/01/2022 07:07

I used to be a member of a Facebook group called the Hoarders Support Group (primarily an American group). I found this very helpful, because I could chat to people in the same predicament as myself, and it was also a good source of support & advice. Also, it dawned on me that there were people much worse off than myself! At least all of my worldly possessions fit into my house, whereas some people had multiple properties, sheds & storage units all stuffed with clutter!

sophiasnail · 06/01/2022 07:33

Most skip hire places go through the contents for recyclables very carefully before sending the contents to landfill because they pay a lot of money to dump the waste.

However, in your position I would start with clothes, because there are charity clothes bins everywhere!

Ineke · 06/01/2022 08:50

Anything good, clothes, toys books take to Women’s Refuge. Or contact refugee centres if they need donations.

specialsauce · 06/01/2022 12:38

@KavvLar - you're right. He's never going to look at these old books. I'll just cut out some favourite pages and recycle the rest.

Come to think of it, I find looking at ancient stuff of mine a bit depressing. Old school stuff, diaries, birthday cards, stuff from ex partners - it feels bad throwing it but I also get a 'stuck in the past' sinking kind of horrible feeling if I open an old box full of this stuff. This feeling has to go. Life is now. I don't need any of this old stuff. Just the lovely silver charm bracelet my granma gave me, my DC's first shoes and a few of my favourite things of his framed, plus the interesting trinkets from when I went t India in my 20's. The rest is going to go - going, going, gone! I'm determined now.

leatherboundbooks · 06/01/2022 14:42

A bit about sentimental stuff - an idea that I used from a declutter guru some time ago. As well as having boxes for keep, bin, charity shop, have one called emotional withdrawal and stuff that you are not sure about for emotional/sentimental reasons put it in there and put it out of the way for a few months or until you are ready to look at it. Or longer if you need to. Actually ,Marie Kondo suggests leaving sentimental stuff until last, but don't think she suggests boxing it up, but boxing it up while you are going through stuff to me saves time, and makes space. You might want to do different boxes if you have a lot, maybe for different people, different categories of stuff. If you blithely chuck stuff in a fit of get rid ASAP and on reflection realise a few weeks down the line that you really wish you'd kept it, then this is likely to discourage you from decluttering. Likewise, with clothing, it's all very well saying if you don't use it in 6 months you won't wear it, surely I'm not the only person who some years doesn't need the big warm snow boots, but will wear them next year if the weather is snowy. If you remove seasonal clothes to bags in the loft this is a good time to look at clothes and think is it worth putting this in the loft, as it's getting tatty, and again when bringing them down again, do you want to put that tatty old skirt in the wardrobe again. Clothes in general [ not sentimental stuff like your mum's favourite scarf or wedding dress] - if they fit would I wear them ever,, do they actually suit me, or flatter me, do I have anything to go with them, if not, is it worth getting a top or a skirt to go with them, or would a bit of an alteration or mend make them clothes I'd want to wear again and if so get them sorted, are they clothes for a specific occasion eg a funeral, a job interview that would need replacing if discarded, why hang onto them if they will never be worn. I've been known to take old clothes with me on a camping holiday where things get mucky, and instead of taking them home to put in the rag bag for the charity shop, have actually just thrown them away. Sorry, I usually bag up rags and hope that the green gurus will understand, it is saving water and washing owder not washing them
With other things such as furniture I have asked myself in the past if I had a huge house and everything would fit in, would I want to actually use it - if the answer is no, either just get rid or if you actually still need something to do the job that it does, hang onto it and start looking for things that would do the job as well or better that are smaller/more your style/whatever [and then get rid of it]
And at this time of year, taking down decorations, it's a good time to think what you want to keep, I've decided for example to get rid of a perfectly good card hanger because with things rearranged it gets knocked every time someone goes past it carrying something, don't want that next year - it would be fine for someone else with a different set up. I decided to give our old very distinctly coloured lights to my children, they were the ex's choice, and even if they weren't they need a ladder to put them up, I splashed out in the week before Christmas at the local garden centre which was selling Christmas stuff off half price. I don't mind seeing them at the children's houses. So what goes back in the loft will be things I actually want, , which includes stuff from my parents, some old ornaments etc, I just got rid of some 'meh' stuff that I had so no extra space needed and next December there will be no sorting through, or boxes still up there with things I don't want
Decluttering needs to be combined with getting organised for me, so this year it will be really great to have only the boxes and bags that have stuff I will need. I discovered that I had boxes up there which never came down, so was never sorted, which sort of acted as a bit of a clutter magnet.

Yes I have got rid of some things that I regretted, but nothing that I couldn't cheaply replace or replace for free .

Naughtyfrog · 06/01/2022 17:49

@ToJabOrNotToJab
"Aww man! I got excited reading your post - autistic dc here will only use plastic straws ! Was all set to pm you to take them off your hands until I read your last sentence"

I have a pack of about 100 plastic straws I haven't been able to throw out - I'd be happy to post them to you if you'd like?

nongnangning · 07/01/2022 09:01

This useful 'how to sell your unwanted stuff' article is on Which today. Says some of the things on this thread and a few more.
www.which.co.uk/news/2022/01/22-ways-to-save-and-make-money-in-2022

Rubyupbeat · 07/01/2022 09:18

OP, I am similar, maybe not to the same extremes, but I find it so hard to let certain items go and yet I really dont want them, fortunately it is limited to one spare room, but one we could really make use of. It's such a messed up problem.

One point , here you cannot leave stuff outside charity shops, its classed as fly tipping and carries a thousand pound fine.

Hope you find a way of disposing of your stuff, I know on the occasions that I have been brutal, I feel so clear headed afterwards.

Rubyupbeat · 07/01/2022 09:39

@Clutterbusting
This is very true, 'being a child of a hoarder'
My friend has this situation, she is now in her 60s and father in his late 80s, she has tried and tried over thr years to help him de clutter, but to no avail. His health is bad because of it, he lives in a 10 bedroom, I would call it mansion, every room is full, he is cold because the radiators are under so much stuff, the place is damp because of that, mould in certain rooms, his extensive valuable book collections are ruined through mould and my friend feels it's a high probability the house will be beyond repair, a regal 250 year old place.
And yet his gardens set over 3 acres are outstandingly beautiful.
Much as she loves her dad, she is really dreading having to clear the place when he passes, shes getting old now and it is a scary thought.
She can't get house clearance in for certain reasons.

Peregrina · 07/01/2022 11:07

My DM always used to explain her hoarding habit as being a result of having lived through the War, when things were difficult to obtain. My DF lived through the same war and was most definitely NOT a hoarder.

UCLSugar · 07/01/2022 12:00

Following

MrsR2018 · 07/01/2022 12:19

@Clutterbusting start small, room by room.
If it hasn’t been used in a good few years, get rid.

In terms of getting rid, Facebook!
There’s an amazing group… Preloved to reloved for postage …
www.facebook.com/groups/798889800670595/?ref=share

But also get onto some local reuse pages. We move house next week and have gotten rid of so much stuff through that page and local reside pages.

Good luck!

SocialConnection · 07/01/2022 12:32

@freckles20 it was the Marie Kondo book and some of her videos that really was my lightbulb moment. How important starting with your vision is, thanking things you let go, really asking if it sparks joy. And categories, not location. Good luck!

Jk987 · 07/01/2022 13:12

Freecycle.org is good. Often people come and collect the same day.

80sMum · 07/01/2022 14:02

@Anordinarymum

How can a charity shop be picky when you leave the bags of stuff outside?
You can't do that where I live. It's deemed to be the same as fly-tipping. If stuff is left outside the shop when the shop is closed, then they have to dispose of it.

Some of the charity shops near me had loads of stuff dumped outside during the lockdowns. The charities had to pay to have it all removed.

freckles20 · 07/01/2022 19:06

[quote SocialConnection]@freckles20 it was the Marie Kondo book and some of her videos that really was my lightbulb moment. How important starting with your vision is, thanking things you let go, really asking if it sparks joy. And categories, not location. Good luck![/quote]
@SocialConnection thank you. I had a really really good session with the professional declutterer yesterday.

She was really kind, and in 2.5 hours we: got all my clothes in one place; I decided what to keep; we bagged up the rest; decided what types of clothing should go where;
and folded / hung it all in a Kondo type way.

I was utterly gobsmacked when I saw all of my clothes in one place. I had so many SadI was also ashamed of how much waste I had created by having so many clothes. A lot of the issue was caused my putting on weight over the past 7 years, plus a major change of career- so I was hanging onto loads of things in the hope that one day they might fit, and also a lot of things that I really have no use for anymore as I don't now work in an office environment or attend work dinners.

I realised that even if I magically lost weight I probability wouldn't choose to wear a lot of the smaller items as I've changed and aged and I no longer want to wear that kind of thing.

I probably got rid of 4/5 of my wardrobe. I took some to a local charity supporting refugees, one bag to a charity shop and put the rest in a Salvation Army clothes bin.

Initially I was skeptic about the folding, but I went with it. It is definitely growing on me- items take up less room, my adhd brain likes that I can see much more easily what is in each drawer, and it all looks so lovely. I actually smiled to myself last night when I opened a drawer and got a pair of pyjamas out, and it felt good to fold my jeans neatly and pop them into a neat drawer last night.

I now want to attack my DC and husband's wardrobe, my shoes and my chaotic linen shelf. Unfortunately I can already feel that it's going to be much harder without the lady with me.

TBH I'm tempted to ask her to come again, but even though she was quite reasonable I don't want to spend too much on this.

Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to share this somewhere. Smile

Twinkleylight · 07/01/2022 19:46

Contact your local salvation army as my local branch collects clothes for the homeless. They have a collection point and take household goods to pass onto vulnerable people setting up home.

www.salvationarmy.org.uk/

Squirrel134 · 08/01/2022 00:11

Just place marking

MachineBee · 08/01/2022 08:59

The advice you’ve had here is excellent. Don’t underestimate how much energy and time it will take though. We had a major building project and I had to clear our clutter. We’d moved two household’s of stuff in together, plus a lot that had come from deceased relatives and our respective children had left with us when they moved out.

The clearance (including everything in the loft) took about 9 months. Lockdown helped but I had to be very disciplined and devote a day every weekend to sorting, cleaning, distributing and chucking. It was hard work but for me better than just hiring a skip.

My DH was a big part of the problem because hates throwing out stuff. Our local FB group for giving away things was brilliant and once he saw that our stuff wasn’t just going to landfill but to people who would use it, he really embraced the clear out.

We lived in the house while the building work was happening and soon we’ll have a lovely house to turn into a home without all the clutter.

But the best reward has been the unexpected calmness that we have both felt from having removed all the stuff. We’ve found things we’d forgotten we had and are enjoying using them.

Good luck - it is worth it.

BertramLacey · 08/01/2022 13:50

Thanks for starting this thread, OP. I've just had a massive clothes clear out. I tackled it a few months ago but was much more brutal this time and there's a lot of stuff for rag bank, a few for the charity shop and some things I'll try Ebaying.

A word of warning. It was interesting going through stuff and noticeable that quite a lot of what I'm passing on was passed on to me from other people tidying out their wardrobes. I don't want other people's hoarding to become my problem, and vice versa. A fair bit is also spur of the moment charity shop purchases, which I justified in my head because it was money for a good cause. I also spent some time working out what I spent on clothes last year. I thought I'd been really strict, but it was still £400+ and I don't actually need any more clothes. I have an enormous number. So it stops now. If I'm tempted to buy stuff I just picture the planet burning. Might seem weird or extreme, but it's working for me so I'll stick with it!

Most of the rest I'm calling 'folly of youth' - stuff that I bought a long time ago, wore a handful of times and will never wear again. I think I was clinging to it because yes, I would like to cling to my youth. But I'm not that person any more and don't need to be dragging that stuff around with me either.

Good luck everyone with any clearing out you decide to do. It's very liberating. And I think key for me has been the realisation that to remain clutter free, I need to stop bringing stuff into the house. So it's one in, two out, and I'm being strict about it! Also, that does not apply in reverse. Just because I get rid of two things, does NOT mean I can then go out and buy another one.

HereticFanjo · 08/01/2022 15:39

Marking place for tips!

CliffsofMohair · 08/01/2022 16:49

For anyone in Ireland-
Heard the Marie Kindo consultant on the radio this morning, and like the mythical MN solicitor she offers a free half hour telephone consult if you’re interested. She sounded really kind. I may have to go down that route. I have 2 sheds and a full storage locker full from a previously owned house , nothing of which made it into current house

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