Stuff is too hard to get rid of

[Clutterbusting]

I want to be free of my stuff. I’m drowning in it. My house is a mess and all that happens when I have a sort out is it gets moved about. I spend money on storage solutions when I need to just get rid.
I want to but where to? Charity shops are picky and I have A LOT to shift. Selling takes too long and I can’t be wasteful so a skip is out. What can I do?
AIBU to think this is just too hard?

If you can afford it, you can ship large amounts to orphanages abroad. With a little bit of research, you can choose a charity.
A friend of mine started doing this when she felt her house had too much stuff. She now does it regularly. Knowing it’s for a good cause means it’s easier for her to get rid of.

I’ve not got anywhere near as much stiff but I’m going to be filling a box soon.

The disadvantage is that you have to find a shipping company and pay for shipping.

I have done this method when emigrating abroad and when house clearing after a family death.

Clothes in good or reasonable condition in bin bags to charity shops. They will either sell it or rag it. Ebay or sell anything with tags on or designer depending on how badly you need the cash.

Anything broken or stained - bin bags for tip. Feel no remorse.

Everything else (kitchen stuff, nick-nacks, toys, ornaments, household items, bedding, etc, in a big mountain. Take some photos, upload onto EBay as an auction entitled "Car Boot Job Lot" or similar. Give a list in the description of what's going and any expensive individual items. Ask £20 or £50 depending on size of pile. Put into boxes.

Someone will pitch up 7 days later in a white van and take it off your hands and you will get a bit of cash for it. Win-win.

It's OK to bin stuff.

But a lot of hoarders don't feel that way. They feel a crushing sense of responsibility towards their stuff. It's an absurdly strong emotional bond which leads to mental paralysis, and very unhealthy living conditions. It's an illness. It's real.

When you're at that stage, it's OK to bin stuff. Just clear out the whole damn thing. You did your best. It was too much. You will be more thrifty/eco-friendly/well-organised/whatever-is-telling-you-not-to-waste tomorrow.
It's OK to bin stuff now, don't beat yourself up over what ifs, just move on.

@Clutterbusting

I want to be free of my stuff. I’m drowning in it. My house is a mess and all that happens when I have a sort out is it gets moved about. I spend money on storage solutions when I need to just get rid. I want to but where to? Charity shops are picky and I have A LOT to shift. Selling takes too long and I can’t be wasteful so a skip is out. What can I do? AIBU to think this is just too hard?

But you are being wasteful

Not read the whole thread but have you looked at the Marie Kondo method where you get every item of a certain topic out and in a large pile and then sort through it to see if it sparks joy or is needed, if not it is put in either the to bin pile or donated pile.
Or you could sell if you think you could get money for it. Ultimately though unless something is brand new and you could get £20 + for it and it is going to sell immediately then getting rid to a charity shop or in one of those large recycling containers you get in supermarket car parks or large bags that you sometimes get that is left outside for the charity to collect on a certain day then donating or binning immediately is going to stop wasting the money and time you are wasting now moving the stuff around and paying for storage.

I've successfully freecycled boxes of stuff labelled as "car boot sale box"

I think boxes of multiple items might be easier to get rid of (so box of toys for certain age groups etc)

@Tippexy

You can be ‘wasteful.’

You can get a skip.

You should get a skip.

Saying you can’t, is yet another excuse to hang on to all the old crap.

I agree. I feel/felt guilt about getting a skip but I do not have a car and over all I'm sure that's better (for the environment). I do not deserve to be made feel guilty for throwing what I can't store in to a skip. If people want to rifle through my skip they're welcome to.

I'm going to try and buy less in 2022.

Somebody upthread said something about sticking to toiletries an make up that the y know work for them and that resonated.

I posted on my own de-cluttering thread that I had at one stage in my life left with a rucksack and started again with nothing. I went to tesco to get a toothbrush knickers and a change of top. When I say I started again with nothing, once, I had one change of clothing.

But I think that the cause of my accumulating clutter is that my mother did let us run out of things when we were growing up. The hunt for a pair of socks every morning was so arduous, socks are something I cannot have enough of now. But my mum would not buy more butter until the shopping trip after we had already run out of butter. YKWIM? So it was quite stressful growing up.

Free cycle. People collect things you don't want so it's easy.

That certainly has never been my experience. People are endlessly frustrating and unreliable, and it's disproportionately troublesome, even for just a few items. Managing a big clear out on freecycle would be a full-time job, and you'd still be left with 75% of it at the end.

If it's not suitable for charity shops use a skip or just put it out in black bags for the binmen. It's heading for landfill sooner or later. All you're doing by denying that is turning your home into temporary landfill.

Start somewhere! Do you want to carry on life like this with no room. 4 sheds full is way way to much. When are you ever going to get rid of it if not starting now? Are you still going to have it when you're retired? Is someone going to come and sort it for you? Asking yourself those kinds of questions can help to focus your mind.

I speak from personal and family experience if this issue.

The website droppoint.org/ is good for finding charities that need specific things. You can search by what items you have and your location, then it gives you options for dropping off or posting. Eg I had a load of part-used balls of wool, turned out there is a charity near me that uses them for making baby clothes. It takes a bit of time but it helps with that feeling of responsibility that is making you hold on to things.

@Clutterbusting I'm in the process of having a massive clearout. My aim by the end of this year is to be clutter free of my own clutter and hope DH will follow.

The trick I heard is to get everything out of the drawers and cupboards and then put back the things you love and use often. Focus on the things you really want to keep not whether or not to throw the rest away. Then bundle everything else up very quickly and send it to the tip or charity shop before you have the chance to poke around at it. Focusing on what you love and use is far easier than making a decision on every single item.

@Clutterbusting

I want to be free of my stuff. I’m drowning in it. My house is a mess and all that happens when I have a sort out is it gets moved about. I spend money on storage solutions when I need to just get rid. I want to but where to? Charity shops are picky and I have A LOT to shift. Selling takes too long and I can’t be wasteful so a skip is out. What can I do? AIBU to think this is just too hard?

The truth is you have already been wasteful if you have more stuff than you needed. Get a skip. The skip hirer will usually recycle or resell items and take that job away from you.

You don't actually want to get rid of stuff, that's your problem.

This is all about the negative feelings you experience when you try and how you deem those feelings more important than your feeling of frustration at not succeeding in clearing stuff, or the good feeling you will experience when it's cleared.

It seems to come down to 'I can't get rid of stuff because somebody looked at me funny'.

Do you realise how ridiculous that sounds? How you are running your life based on the 'rules' set by some self-sabotaging commentator in your head?

Like most or all hoarders, you have a mental health problem.

You can address that first, then tackle the hoarding. Or you can address the MH problem through the process of tackling the hoarding. Just stop caring so much what the negative voice in your head thinks and get on with it, one step at a time.

Other people find it easy because they don't allow those negative feelings to rule their life. Or they don't experience them at all.

@NearlyAHoarder

I don't know why but nothing I try to sell is ever bought so I know that that just slows me down. I once put up a new pair of uggs for sale, they had been for my daughter and were a UK 4, my daughter needed a size 5. I put them up, brand new, half price, in the box, never worn, proof they were genuine. Then I had people questioning that they were genuine, basically strangers abusing me on line doubting the boots were genuine. I'd already said I had proof they were real. It was awful. Then I tried to give them away, I said to my daughter who was about 12 to ask if any of her friends younger sisters might like them, or any friend with size 4 feet. No takers. In the end, I put them in a skip and felt relieved.

Try giving something away for free.

I have had people questioning if something is actually free, then wanting me to deliver it 60 miles away and getting angry when I refuse saying that they would have paid what I wanted when I got there.
I had to block several people recently when I had something up for free.
They were getting too argumentative and accusing me of all sorts
It was a very large item and it did go very quickly but I think there is a lot of trolling on places like FMP.
Whether they think they are softening me up so they could get a better deal and their reading and comprehension ability is really poor or they do it because they have sad little lives, either way I wish they would just use a dictionary to look up the word “free” or get a life.

@Anordinarymum

How can a charity shop be picky when you leave the bags of stuff outside?

Most charity shops don’t like you leaving bags of stuff outside. I just walk in and leave bags in the sorting room at the back. Job done.

OP there will be eBay resellers near to where you live- join your local buy sell swap Facebook group and post you ‘want it all gone’ on there. if you pile all of the toys together and take a couple of pictures you could say £20 for the lot and someone will snap your hand off.

So a first step, were I you, would be 'resolve not to care that the person in the charity shop looks at me funny and wants to sort through my stuff.' Let them! Revel in the joy of them taking stuff they want and can sell! Enjoy it!

Then I'd think about 'bundling' stuff (same size clothes, toys) and selling them very cheaply on Facebook Marketplace. You can pass on a lot of stuff that way, to people who will find it useful.

Brilliant thread. I am going to try the ‘try sell only things over £20’ as recommended by PP, plus good quality to charity shops, plus tat to the dump.

To try to make it more fun -
I just asked my DS 12 if he would like to do a car boot (which we’ve never done) and his face lit up, especially as I said he could keep any money. So that is work and faff but made into a potential fun family activity. He has gone off to message his cousins to find out where there are some good sites nearby.
I might experimentally try Olio, which I am already on - locally mine is quite active - and see what happens but think as PPs have said that it will be a load of faff and no shows, so we will see

Actually forget Olio. I just took a look at the ‘non-food items’ section. It’s full of stuff like part used bottles of shampoo and sticky looking bundles of Peppa Pig dvds. Urgh. My skin is slightly crawling

When I lived overseas, the local council had a 'big rubbish' collection once a month. You could put anything too large to go in a wheelie bin on the pavement and it would be collected. On big rubbish day, the second hand dealers would start driving round the streets in the morning and by the time the bin lorries came, only the real junk was left - everything else had been taken already. I thought it was a really good system, but it was abandoned after council cutbacks.

I absolutely agree that if putting your mental health first means just chucking it, then chuck it.

Personally I list on all three of olio/Freecycle/local FB group (I just copy paste from on to the other so it only takes a few seconds longer to do all three). If it's not out the house on two weeks it's in bin/recycling because if no one wants it for free, no one wants it period! I try to list one 'thing' (which might actually be a box of a type of thing I've cleared out) a day, so it doesn't overwhelm, but I'm always chipping away at the stuff. I need the money so anything with value I try to sell first, but if it isn't gone after a month then I list it for free.

You need to sort it. Charity shops can take things that are sellable only eg clothes need to be in good condition, household items cannot be chipped or damaged. Other clothes can be bundled up for rags, many charity shops can take rags but really appreciate you separating them! Electrical goods can be recycled, big items like furniture are sometimes in need by refuges, homeless charities etc for those being allocated flats. Animal shelters need old towels and duvets.

I don't know where you live or how much money you have but this website allows you to put in your postcode and select the service (decluttering / dealing with hoarding or whatever) and a professional will come and help you sift through your stuff and decide what to keep and what to bin.
Ive done it a few times and it is really good. Be prepared to work hard tho - you have to sit with them and really look through your stuff and if they are good they will push you to think hard about whether to keep something or not (although they will never force you). Will also advise on storage solutions (which in my mind is the second not the first part of the battle).
You also have to pay but it is worth it.

www.declutterondemand.com/search/

I feel for you OP. I've been in a similar position. I ended up hiring a skip because I had to accept that despite my best intentions- I was never going to find the motivation to sell or donate my clutter.

I hired a skip for seven days from the date that I started sorting. I committed to trying to donate or give away as much as possible during that week.

Everything else went into the skip. It was liberating, despite an underlining guilty feeling. Since then I have tried to live in a more sustainable way and recycled as much as possible.

You can do this @Clutterbusting, and you won't regret it.

Thank you so much for all the advice and especially the posts with links for places I can use to get rid. I’m sorry I can’t reply to you all but I’ve just spent well over an hour catching up on all the comments.
I appreciate what pp have said about not buying stuff but in truth (and I am not trying to make excuses) this “stuff” has been accumulated very gradually over decades. Some dates back to my own childhood (I’m 50) and lots has been given to me by my parents. My parents have a huge problem with hoarding but also buying junk or using free cycle to get more and more stuff! I don’t want to be like them and my problem is a tiny fraction of theirs but I know the mental issue is there.
Lots of useless things come in as “gifts”. If I go to my parents house I pretty much always come home with a bag of things I didn’t want or ask for. I have been firm. I’ve been pretty rude and they’re just about beginning to stop. When they pass I’m going to have a whole other problem. If it’s hard to get rid of the stuff from my small house and garden I don’t know how I’ll manage theirs.
I digress.
I’m going to join the housekeeping thread as someone suggested. I’ll download some apps and get sorting out. I don’t like leaving stuff out the front or do car boot as I have issue with my things being on display. Comes from being a child sat at the car boot while people turned their nose up at your things because they wanted it cheaper. Probably why the charity shop thing gets to me. Some of the workers have been rude like about books etc because they don’t want them, and I was then not inclined to go through that again. I think I do need some counselling though.

Clothes into bags and into a charity bin at a supermarket.

Toys get your kids to help they will have a better idea of what is still in good condition and a charity shop will take.

You are absolutely going to have to take stuff to the dump and you will have to accept this snd let it go.