AIBU to ask if you ever beaten up or otherwise physically bullied in primary school?

[antanddec2021]

Sadly in primary this boy I was 'friends' did things to me a friend wouldn't do and it really upset me. Thinking back about primary makes me horrible that I let this happen to me. Did anyone else ever have a similar (bad) experience?

This happened to me just over a decade ago (year 5) and it's been playing on my mind. There was someone in my "friendship" group who truly made me miserable.

In the playground one day we boys were acting a bit silly and saying who the strongest was. I remember I wouldn't relent and I said "no I'm stronger". After a few days of roughhousing in the playground this boy decided to prove that he was stronger. He pushed me up against a wall said "so you think you're stronger than me" and thoroughly beat me up. I was kicked and punched and the kids around just didn't seem to care or intervene. When he walked away I remember trying to angrily push him. He responded by hitting me again. I just slumped down against the wall and was in a flood of tears. My other "friends" them came along and looked at me pityingly. What made this so humiliating for me what that I'd been doing karate for a few years by then (and was supposed to be good) yet I didn't even manage to defend myself let alone throw a punch.

I remember a few weeks later he beat me up on another part of the playground (for a reason I can't remember). This team I actually was got bruised on my waist.

Unfortunately in year 5 I also remember seeing him beat a girl up and she too was left crying.

One final thing I remember him doing was that in class once he was tugging my trousers down to try and expose my underwear. I had to raise my hand in class to say "Sir. [Boy's name] is pulling my trousers down." The rest of the class laughed but thankfully the teacher moved me somewhere else but this too made me cry.

I hate this boy very much but idk why I remained friends with him.

Last I heard was that this boy had to change secondary school due to him being bullied. Karma comes to mind haha.

yes. our teacher would make quietest girls sit next to stupidest of boys. We complained, parents complained, but she wouldn't have any of it - instead she called us crybabies and that boys were probably in love. I hate that b*tch.

So sorry this happened to you Cats.

That is just an awful experience. I hope you don't think you deserved that in any way - sometimes horrid things happen but don't let it define you. It doesn't sound at all normal to me, and someone should have intervened.

I should add - no, I've never been involved in or remotely experienced anything like this. I would be horrified at this type of behaviour.

Thanks @Nothinglikeachocolatebrownie

I felt pathetic that I could not defend myself especially since I'd been taking martial arts classes. I didn't even tell a teacher but I doubt it would have done much good.

It isn't 'karma' or funny that he was bullied at secondary school. Nobody should be bullied.

I was bullied. School did nothing.. One morning at drop off my dm marched across the yard, our ddog with her and told the awful girl to bloody well leave me alone.
It worked..
Have actually used this method with my own dd.
It also worked.

Yes, i was dragged around the playground with me hair. The following week the same girl came at me again! this time i was petrified and i just remember lashing out! i hit her back square in the face and broke her nose, it was almost as horrendous as being dragged round the yard the week previous, i was more hysterical that she was, she NEVER bullied me again though!

Yes.
School did nothing,parents talk didn’t work.
He was much bigger than me.

One day I hit back. Hardest I could and legged it.
My bully ended up crashing on the wall on opposite side of locker room where I was cornered every other day and walloped.

He tried to get his back but I was ready to fight again.He never touched me again.

Everybody is entitled to defend themselves while being attacked.

@frenchboule glad to hear he got what he deserved. In my primary I remember them saying that you 'shouldn't hit back'. What BS.

I was beaten up by a boy in primary school.

Classmates stood by and did nothing. That was the most hurtful thing of all.

Yes.

My bully grew up to play cricket for England.

I was beaten up on a weekly basis sometimes daily when it was at its worse all through primary school. In secondary it was just psychological bullying. I had no friends. I have very few friends now and have no confidence. I suffer from PTSD due to what I went through. I flinch if someone goes to touch me (brush a hair off my shoulder, reaching for something next to me etc), I can't cope with loud noises and crowds scare me.

I got beat up by a group of boys during primary. No one helped or intervened. I never forgot the humiliation. Unfortunately my son has been punched and strangled too. In what is essentially a 'naice' school.

Sorry to hear that you also had similar experiences. @NutCheeseBag would you be okay sharing their name.

I was regularly chased and punched by a boy at primary school. Another boy cut off all my hair. And another boy punched me hard in the stomach to which all teacher who witnessed it helpfully said, 'She might not be able to have children now!'

@antanddec2021

Sorry to hear that you also had similar experiences. *@NutCheeseBag* would you be okay sharing their name.

No, I’m afraid not.

Yes, went from pinching and "accidental" punching and knocking over, to then trying to shut my head in a door.

I used to be really upset and bitter about but found it easier to get past it as I got older. However I do think it contributed to my desperate need to people-please and the MH issues that started in my mid teens and which have been present for all of my adult life.

Oddly I don't really blame any of the girls involved. We aren't in touch, but I understand from the old school network that they all have families of their own and are generally known to be nice ordinary women. They were kids and didn't know the impact they would have on my life.

Yes for years, not beaten up but had my hair pulled, my arm twisted, been tripped, stabbed with pencils etc. Day in day out. The school bus was where the worst if it happened.
Also Karate does not help at all in a street fight apparently. My son is a black belt has been studying Karate for years I doubt he'd be able to defend himself in a fight, it's all very controlled.

Yes, I was bullied because I was born in Germany and "we won the War".
The reason I was born in Germany is because my DF was serving in the British Army at the time, which just goes to show how stupid bullies can be!

@backbackback was this in primary?
@Iblinkedandiamold I mean there is sparring in karate? Well, I still got beat up regardless.

Anyone know if the dept of education has policies to deal with physical and violent bullying in schools? What 'should' a teacher do?

Primary school, no. Seconday school, yes. Being autistic made me a wonderful target for bullies.

I was punched for being pretty in secondary school. The aim was to disfigure me with a single punch 🤷🏻‍♀️…. She also wanted my boyfriend.

I saw her in a shop a few months ago, now we’re both mid 30s. She stopped and said “hello”. She smiled.

I said “sorry, do I know you?” And she was left standing there, humiliated and confused. I walked off with my DH.

My teenage boyfriend is now my DH.

It was great!

There's probably multiple reasons either why you couldn't defend yourself and didn't defend yourself. We're taught as children it's not ok to hurt others, sometimes with the caveat unless they hurt you first. Also with martial arts you're often told as a child to not use them against others outside of the club. There's also the social aspects and being labelled a bully yourself or being told off if you did use your skills against them. Ultimately I think it's fear that prevents people from fighting back as children, both of the retaliation and what other people will think. What happened was not your fault however it's also not ok they were later bullied and were forced to move schools.

I was bullied in primary and secondary school, in primary it was more easily sorted. It's escalated and both of the bullies were people I knew from primary. One put a lighter to my hair fortunately doing no damage but if I'd have been wearing hairspray etc it would've been a different story. My mum approached the school and the parent and nothing like it ever happened again from then. The other was harder, she took great pleasure in humiliating me, once tapping (not quite a slap) on each cheek in the middle of class and finally she took a hot rod (science class) and pressed it against the back of my leg. Fortunately it didn't burn me but it ruined the trousers. I wish now I'd told the police but the school were reluctant and we didn't push for it. She could so easily have permanently scared me and it wasn't ok. She enjoyed feeling powerful, I do wonder what the school said to her to get across how close she was to permanent repercussions, she was about 15 when she attempted to burn me so more than old enough to understand her actions.

@woodlandarchitect bless you that your teen bf is now your DH!! What was it like 'growing up with' a boy who you would later marry. What was it like developing from a crush all the way to marriage? Super happy for you :)