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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask if you ever beaten up or otherwise physically bullied in primary school?

72 replies

antanddec2021 · 02/01/2022 16:33

Sadly in primary this boy I was 'friends' did things to me a friend wouldn't do and it really upset me. Thinking back about primary makes me horrible that I let this happen to me. Did anyone else ever have a similar (bad) experience?

This happened to me just over a decade ago (year 5) and it's been playing on my mind. There was someone in my "friendship" group who truly made me miserable.

In the playground one day we boys were acting a bit silly and saying who the strongest was. I remember I wouldn't relent and I said "no I'm stronger". After a few days of roughhousing in the playground this boy decided to prove that he was stronger. He pushed me up against a wall said "so you think you're stronger than me" and thoroughly beat me up. I was kicked and punched and the kids around just didn't seem to care or intervene. When he walked away I remember trying to angrily push him. He responded by hitting me again. I just slumped down against the wall and was in a flood of tears. My other "friends" them came along and looked at me pityingly. What made this so humiliating for me what that I'd been doing karate for a few years by then (and was supposed to be good) yet I didn't even manage to defend myself let alone throw a punch.

I remember a few weeks later he beat me up on another part of the playground (for a reason I can't remember). This team I actually was got bruised on my waist.

Unfortunately in year 5 I also remember seeing him beat a girl up and she too was left crying.

One final thing I remember him doing was that in class once he was tugging my trousers down to try and expose my underwear. I had to raise my hand in class to say "Sir. [Boy's name] is pulling my trousers down." The rest of the class laughed but thankfully the teacher moved me somewhere else but this too made me cry.

I hate this boy very much but idk why I remained friends with him.

Last I heard was that this boy had to change secondary school due to him being bullied. Karma comes to mind haha.

OP posts:

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 02/01/2022 19:15

Yes, I had lots of fights in primary and senior school.
Small

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 02/01/2022 19:16

Oops sent too early.
😬

BackBackBack · 02/01/2022 19:43

@antanddec2021 yes it was primary but late stages.

CatsArePeople · 02/01/2022 20:29

oh, one of my classmates had it much worse than me. And she took it. Until one day, when she told her dad. Turns out, her dad was a criminal type. He came into the school, grabbed the ringleader and literally kicked the shit out of him. Must say everybody got the message and that girl became the class royalty.

Original poster

antanddec2021 · 02/01/2022 21:17

@CatsArePeople did the dad get in trouble for physically assaulting a child? What did the teachers do?

OP posts:

CatsArePeople · 02/01/2022 21:44

did the dad get in trouble for physically assaulting a child? What did the teachers do?

Teachers didn't see, only heard about it later. But nobody batted an eyelid. Back in the day it was like - oh well, the little shit was asking for it. After all, he wasn't really injured or anything. And the dad was the type of character that you wouldn't want to cross. Of course, today it would be a whole different story.

cruelladevill · 02/01/2022 21:50

This is so selfish of me but reading this thread has filled me with worry and stress

I am a mum of all boys and I worry about this daily. One being very shy and reserved who has just began karate

I have always and will always tell my children to hit back harder, I have told teachers this too, I'm not ashamed - reading this thread has confirmed that

OP, looking back - did you not retaliate because you were frightened? I'm so sorry that you went through that. What did your parents say? How does this affect you now?

XenoBitch · 02/01/2022 21:57

I was physically bullied all through primary school. Always by other girls though, never boys.

CatsArePeople · 02/01/2022 22:00

I have always and will always tell my children to hit back harder, I have told teachers this too, I'm not ashamed - reading this thread has confirmed that

yes. don't fall for "don't hit back/walk away/tell an adult" kind of bullshit. Bullies love that.

sst1234 · 02/01/2022 22:08

Telling your kid to not hit back is the worst thing you can do. They need to give back as good as they get.

Original poster

antanddec2021 · 02/01/2022 22:12

@cruelladevill I think it was the surprise that he had decided to beat me up. Before this he was in my "friendship" ground. Could have been that he was just stronger.

My parents did not know I was hit. My mum did see the bruise on my waist after the 2nd time he beat me up. I just said 'oh I slipped'.

Honestly I felt pathetic that I couldn't defend myself. Made me seem weak and small.

OP posts:

speakout · 02/01/2022 22:18

Was part of life.
Hit by my parents, punished by being beaten by a leather belt by teachers at primary and secondary assaulted by other pupils at primary and secondary. When my OH did the same I accepted that as normal too.
I grew up in a bear pit.

Quebeccles · 02/01/2022 22:26

Many years ago, in primary school, aged probably 5/6, I was targeted and physically beaten up by two boys who would have been on the cusp of leaving for secondary - so getting on for twice my age. It got to the point that I used to cry before break-times and plead to stay inside because I knew they'd come looking for me. I don't know why I didn't tell an adult, maybe they threatened me not to - it's so long ago now.

Anyway, I was a very shy, innocent child, completely bewildered that this could happen. I can't remember exactly how it was resolved but I have a vague memory that my mother saw the bruises from where they'd punched me, got the story out of me, and went to the school. The headmistress absolutely went to town on them and there were never any more incidents. But my whole school life was utterly blighted by it.

ReginaaPhalange · 02/01/2022 22:26

I was bullied and beaten up badly - Twice.

First time it happened, I did break school rules and go out to McDonald's for lunch with some other girls. Bully followed me with her bunch and they (bully and her gang) all beat me for about 30 minutes. Cars driving past, no one stopped to help. The girls I was with put their heads down and walked away. I got to McDonald's and got the courage to tell one of the workers what happened and they called the school. The head of year came to get me and I got in trouble for leaving the school grounds. Nothing happened to those girls so my parents called the police and it was dealt with through the childrens panel.

Year later, I was walking down from English to PE and I had taken up karate since the last attack and a girl from behind grabbed my pony tail and pulled me to the ground and was kicking me etc. all the kids out in the hall just crowded round. No one helped, just watched. I tried to fight back but I just stayed on the ground and covered my face. Again, same thing, I got in trouble for obviously doing something to cause it. I didn't. I was shy at school, desperate to fit in and have friends. I was slagged off rotten. School did nothing, parents got police involved, same thing with childrens panel.

I eventually left at the end of the year and moved schools where I was very happy.

I never got the answers as to why these girls attacked me!

IsDiscovered · 02/01/2022 22:29

There was a little girl who used to pull my hair when was 5. My dad bought a blowup punchbag and taught me how to throw a punch properly

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 02/01/2022 22:39

this is one of the perks of being big/tall for me, no one never messed with me in fact i used to be the go to person if anyone messed with my friends

i was very big from birth,28 inches born,9lb10oz(im female btw)and just went up and up
by 11(y6) i was 6ft(yes really 11) with DD/E bust and size (mens)11 feet and 35/36 inch leg(nightmare in the early 90s)

i was what you call around here a hefty piece or built like a shit house(yes i have bene called that over the years)

i wasn't fat just solid and tall but with the bust and shoulders i was rugby player sized
i could pass for a grown woman (i did actually at 12 as i used to go clubbing, never drank but used to get in to go dancing this was early 90s where id didnt matter might have been a different story if i tried to get alcohol)

i was also a tom boy and did play rugby(yes with the boys, I stopped at 17) and all my friends were boys(who i towered over)ive also have a dont mess with me attitude(hence my user name)and look since a toddler so in a small village i was unusual and different from the normal 90s teenage girl

ive never even been "roughed up" or confronted tbh
i wasnt a bully or violent really it was all a what if i turned
if my friends were getting picked on one warning from me and they would back off. ironic considering i wasn't violent(apart from the pitch)

we home educate so my kids have never had to experience "school "culture
they are/were very big boys too and have disabilities so i feel they would have been a target

it seems even though it was a long time ago its still on your mind a fair bit.
i believe very heavily in karma(im a atheist with religion) and what goes around comes around

Fidgetty · 02/01/2022 22:41

It isn't 'karma' or funny that he was bullied at secondary school. Nobody should be bullied.

Such nonsense. Little Thugs like that deserve to be bullied. Going around beating up girls and sexually assaulting them? He deserved everything he got.

I can't believe boys going around beating up girls seems to have happened a number of posters. Horrendous. The boys in my primary class were very quiet and gentle souls so there was none of that and luckily I went to an all girls secondary. I will be doing the same with my DDs.

Sorry that happened OP

MimsyBorogroves · 02/01/2022 22:44

I had bitchiness from girls (including those who were meant to be my friendship group) but actually it was worse from the boys.

One boy had it in for me all the way through school, but in year 9 or 10 he was particularly a nightmare. One lunchtime he saw me drinking from my water bottle and smacked the bottom of it as hard as he could so it smashed me in the mouth and the water went all over me. Everyone else found it hilarious.

He also sent me to a&e after a hockey game where he hit me as hard as he could (wooden hockey sticks) on the knee.

I sometimes see him come up on FB. He's in a really cool graphic design post, has worked for Nike etc. I always wonder if he even remembers what he did, thinks about what I might have felt, and what it was about me that he hated so much.

recycledcat · 02/01/2022 22:52

How old are you now @antanddec2021? Sorry I don't "do" years as from different school system.

cruelladevill · 02/01/2022 22:53

@antanddec2021 it wasn't weak of you at all to not fight back. You were a child. They were children who should have known better.

I feel so sad at the thought of my children going through this or being a bully themselves. I think bullies are just children with issues, they need help too.

When one of my sons were 4/5 they were being hit by the same child too often so I approached the teachers, this child was on report at such a young age. It still happened so I approached the parent, she didn't once apologise, she was so cocky and rude. I approached her again at her place of work and said for every punch my son gets I'm going to come to your job and punch you

To my knowledge my child hasn't been hit again but I can't be certain. I will punch her though. And her fucking kid.

Thatsplentyjack · 02/01/2022 22:59

Yes, I was tortured in for about 4 years. 2 were awful, 2 were mainly living in fear of being the main target again. I spent my first 3 years of high school feeling physically sick and trying to convince my mum to let me stay off. Not physical violence butental torture and always the threat of physical violence. I remained friends with the person through fear.

Bananarama21 · 02/01/2022 23:07

My brother was physically hit alot by a lad alot bigger than him in primary school he was only small but he did martial arts ended up knocking the living day lights out of him the teacher couldn't believe someone so small could hurt someone so big, he became very good fighter fought in tournaments like those in cobra kai even fought my other dbro in a championship he finished as a black belt. He was the national champion in the county for his age group. He still had afew people who would try and have a pop in senior school one kicked him from behind he swung round and broke the lads wrist. Other brother could fight but never got into physical fights at all.

cruelladevill · 02/01/2022 23:12

@Bananarama21

I like these stories
Fair play

Hawkins001 · 02/01/2022 23:20

Without going to specifics, at secondary school, some subjects I had to dodge or at least survive, and I developed the mindset of get through one day at a time and to plan for worst case but hope for the best, some subject lessons I had peace others it was survival, then dinner and breaks were helping teachers to at least get some safety.

Pendolino · 02/01/2022 23:41

Kids can be horrible

I was bullied relentlessly by two girls at primary school. Eventually I tricked one of them into meeting me in a remote place and attacked her. I didn’t cause any permanent damage but enough to frighten her. They never troubled me again.

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