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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for asking you for ideas for a baby

132 replies

Helpwanted21 · 02/01/2022 16:03

Hi,

Let me preface this with saying I do not have children myself. I have a friend who is pregnant with their first child and whilst I have agreed to get them a present that they love but couldn't afford themselves I wanted to do more. The friend is currently stressed out about money and how they will afford a child. I would like to alivate this somewhat I have decided I would love to make them a big hamper (I know you can buy hampers but often they are over priced and don't contain enough stuff) so what I am asking here is for ideas of things I can buy to put in this hamper......It can be anything that would be useful for a new parent and thinks that would be used day to day but are added costs that would help. I want this to be useful for the first year of life and am thinking about stuff like nappies and bibs all the small things that soon add up....so please put everything you found useful with your children in that first year that I can include in this hamper!

Thanks in advance :)

OP posts:
scully29 · 02/01/2022 20:39

yes alot of these are nonessentials and you would never need all this, Id honestly go for a few essentials, a few inexpensive treats and a voucher for the things she will really need as she goes. Its all so personal too, she will know what she wants to use and everyones so different as this thread shows.

glasshalfsomething · 02/01/2022 20:43

Star blanket
Thermometer
Gro bags (Sainsburys are fab)
White vests - pack in every size for the first year
Socks and sock-ons
Hats (weather dependent)
Boots vouchers
Amazon vouchers
Weaning plates/bowls/cutlery - 6 months sneaks up.

Lancrelady80 · 02/01/2022 20:44

PS - I would avoid nappies OR get a couple of different types of own brand for them to try as babies can be v individual as to what suits. DS was Pampers all the way til 2, then Sainsburys in day but still Pampers at night. DD was fine with Sainsburys the whole way. Aldi and Lidl, which loads of people swear by, were awful both both and leaked dreadfully.

Another thought - look into waterproof pads for under sheets.

WheelieBinPrincess · 02/01/2022 20:45

Yeah I was ‘gifted’ a lot of breastfeeding stuff as i’d planned to do it- bags, pads, nipple cream etc.

Had a really hard time with it then got ill with an infection and wiped out the supply so had to switch to formula pretty fast. All that breastfeeding paraphernalia hanging about made me feel a bit shit to be honest!

ConfusedBear · 02/01/2022 20:59

I think asking her what she would like is the best idea. They are lovely suggestions but perhaps don't offer the best value if someone is struggling for money. For example a hooded towel is cute, but you don't need one and they are soon outgrown. Your friend probably already has hand towels or beach towels she could use.

If your friend is ok with the idea you could get a few vests, sleepsuits, cardigans etc in each size from a charity shop. Wash and dry them and package them nicely with the rest of the budget in an envelope as cash for her to choose what she would like from wherever she would like. Some shops near me sell baby clothes 4 for a pound, some are 99p an item - either way much cheaper than buying new and less pressure that the gift must be used.

WheelieBinPrincess · 02/01/2022 21:02

Oh the pressure to dress your newborn in all the lovely cute but utterly impractical outfits people have kindly bought you (dungerees and a coloured shirt on a three week old 😫) is something I definitely could have done without 😂

Pinkstegosaurus · 02/01/2022 21:06

My most memorable lovely thing was my mum turning up to visit DD1 with a carrier bag full of the nicest ready meals, some handmade in Tupperware, some Charlie Bingham luxury oven stuff, M&S biscuits, kefir, all the stodgy gloriousness that I wouldn’t have thought of for myself but meant I ate well with minimal effort and though for some time!

Pinkstegosaurus · 02/01/2022 21:09

@WheelieBinPrincess

Oh the pressure to dress your newborn in all the lovely cute but utterly impractical outfits people have kindly bought you (dungerees and a coloured shirt on a three week old 😫) is something I definitely could have done without 😂
So much this! Simple babygrows and vests all the way! I was given a beautiful frou-frou Cath Kidston dress sized 3-6 months…I love it but it brings me out in a sweat trying to think of how I’ll get the wear from it 😂
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 02/01/2022 21:13

@Pinkstegosaurus

My most memorable lovely thing was my mum turning up to visit DD1 with a carrier bag full of the nicest ready meals, some handmade in Tupperware, some Charlie Bingham luxury oven stuff, M&S biscuits, kefir, all the stodgy gloriousness that I wouldn’t have thought of for myself but meant I ate well with minimal effort and though for some time!
Yes!!!! When dc2 was born, a very good friend of ours bought round 2 days worth of M&S ready meals, veggie/meaty/toddler, puddings, tea nags, biscuits, breakfasts, prepped veg..,, everything. It was perfect, I have done this for other new parents since, it has always been very well received.
WheelieBinPrincess · 02/01/2022 21:14

*collared shirt even. No issue with colours!

Plus mine had mouse size feet. There were no socks that weren’t from a sylvanian family set that would have stayed on.

Bloatstoat · 02/01/2022 21:18

Weleda calendula nappy cream. It's really expensive but amazing.

scully29 · 02/01/2022 21:22

yep agree with pre-prepped food or treat healthy snacks. agree too that soooo much is wasted, you just dont need half the stuff and it does just feel such a waste, no one needs more than one baby hat or one baby towel surely. And expensive tiny outfits that are way too much hassle to get on are just such a waste of money. she will have more hassle trying to sell it on for things she needs. Stick with vouchers all the way and a few practicals and eats.

scully29 · 02/01/2022 21:24

yes, see its soo personal. Really expensive nappy cream would have really stressed me out! Youd be thinking of how much money had been wasted on nappy cream!

Poppoppogo · 02/01/2022 21:28

I agree that, whilst lovely, lots of the suggestions aren’t really necessary. Other people tend to buy clothes, my goodness, we were given so many.

I’d go for:
Giant muslins (Can be used for swaddles, blankets, muslins for burping, play cloths for when the baby is older)
A Cook voucher, OR a voucher for her nearest supermarket so she can stock the freezer in the first few weeks.
A cot sized, non fitted waterproof mat. Can be folded to go in a crib, used in a cot and child’s bed for potty training, and used during third trimester in case waters break in bed. Will save ruining several mattresses and they’re a bit of a luxury if money’s tight.
Something lovely for her- Breastfeeding nibbles, some bath/shower stuff you know she’ll like and use, something like that.

billy1966 · 02/01/2022 21:30

A long warm dressing gown.
I was given a full length heavy fleece lined velour one, with a zip, cowl heck. The last word in comfort and warmth.

An electric throw is a great gift if you are sitting around breastfeeding a baby a lot.
Good hand cream.
You sound like a lovely friend.

lochmaree · 02/01/2022 21:31

cloth wipes. lots of new parents don't think of using cloth wipes but they're easy, efficient and save some money. can also be used for mopping up mess, hands and face etc later on.

Bananarice · 02/01/2022 21:32

I have no idea how things are now with health visitors, but ds3 was born in the first peak and we only had telephone appointment with health visitor. Asking me about his weight. I had no scale at home. I would have loved scale.

Like I said it was ds3, I felt more comfortable saying I'm not worried about his weight. But felt really bad for not having a weight scale.

Shinytaps · 02/01/2022 21:56

You’ve had some great suggestions and this is a really kind thing to do for your friend.

I would say maybe don’t go too mad, just a few things and then add a gift voucher for somewhere like John Lewis so she could get stuff herself or add to it for a larger purchase. Easy to cook but ask tasty and nutritious food is really useful. So some M&S or Cook vouchers would also be handy.

Original poster
Helpwanted21 · 02/01/2022 22:28

Thank you for all your suggestions there is stuff here I will definitely be getting such as the reusable wipes, nappy cream, nose unblocker, Capol, baby grows and a number of other things as well as some pamper stuff for her ( which will be easy as I know her very well!) but I'm not going to go as big as I first thought as I have taken on board the comments about her choosing stuff so I'll go with some vouchers to various places so she has the choice without having to think about cost......I appreciate you all so much for contributing to this thread!

OP posts:
FortniteBoysMum · 02/01/2022 22:38

Nappies, wipes, cotton wool, baby bath supplies, muslin squares, baby nail clippers and scissors, Aston and parsons teething powders, bonjela, calpol, nappy cream, baby spoons and bowls for weaning. Little pots incase decide to make homemade baby foods, rusks, bickiepegs, teething toys. Sterilising tablets or liquid, even if they plan on an electric or microwave steraliser as you can bet the thing packs up when you desperately need it late at night. That way they can chuck it in a clean pan with cold water in an emergency such as a power cut. Milk powder dispenser tub if bottle feeding.

Danikm151 · 02/01/2022 22:40

Nappy caddy- inexpensive but used the most.
Teething toys, granules, gel
Baby bath stuff, sponges, cotton wool
Time out- offer to take care of baby so mom can shower etc

Ponoka7 · 02/01/2022 22:44

I was about to ask if you are definitely not stepping on anyone else's toes, grandparents etc? Will she take it in the spirit it is given, or will she feel bad that she isn't getting those things?
But I see that you are giving vouchers. I've given both vouchers and cash, it's better than overstepping.

Startrooper · 02/01/2022 22:48

What a lovely friend you are!

It might be an idea to ask her what her most needed items might be, or do a mix of items and vouchers.

The gifts we received which were most useful were:

GroEgg room thermometer
Ewan the Dream Sheep
Bath support
Boots voucher

Received far too many bibs, hats, mittens, and booties though! If you buy clothing look at 6-9 months onwards and correct for the season too.

Also, for me friends of DH’s gave me two huge bars of chocolate, flowers and two magazines (one parenting, the other Red Magazine I think). I remember it well as they were only non-baby gifts we received and it was so much appreciated for me to be thought of too.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 02/01/2022 22:51

Honestly? I’ve just had my third baby and I have never had use for most of the things listed on here.

A voucher for Boots would be much more helpful. She can buy whatever she needs then. You don’t know if baby will be breastfed, bottle fed, be a big baby and go straight into a grow bag, hate being swaddled etc.

A voucher means she can get what she needs as well as the odd little treat for herself.

Original poster
Helpwanted21 · 02/01/2022 22:52

For those of you that have asked about how she might take it and if she might feel bad she afford everything I'm certain she will receive it in a positive way and be happy with it. When I say shes a friend she is more like family to me and already knows I'll be spoiling the baby rotten :)

OP posts: