Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a WhatsApp one

29 replies

scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 01:38

I have a long running saga on relationship board which I won’t get into here. Just looking for insight into this issue.

Ex and I split on Monday. He blocked me on WhatsApp and removed me as a friend on FB although didn’t block me there.

I am not spending time looking… but I notice when I use WhatsApp to message a friend. Every day since, he has unblocked me for hours at a time.

Anyone had this? What on earth is he hoping to achieve? I should mention I haven’t messaged since the split on Monday, nor do I intent do.

OP posts:
Scottishnewbie2022 · 02/01/2022 01:39

IMO he is checking to see if you try to message. Only explanation for it surely?

RedCandyApple · 02/01/2022 01:40

Attention obviously

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 02/01/2022 01:41

I think he's checking to see if you've messaged him...

Although afaik anything you send while blocked doesn't go through once unblocked anyways, so he's wasting his time.

gravybones · 02/01/2022 01:42

Yeah I think he's leaving windows of opportunity open hoping you will message him.

If he really wants to hear from you he should message you and not block you in some passive aggressive attempt at control.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I have similar drama in my life

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 01:43

This is what I don’t understand. There was some drama surrounding the split and he was obviously angry with me.

If he wanted me to message, surely he wouldn’t keep blocking me again. If he wanted to contact me he would have done so by now so I don’t get it. I can understand unblocking maybe once, then reblocking for good, but to do it every single day for a good number of hours, sometimes overnight is really strange.

OP posts:
YetAnotherChanger · 02/01/2022 01:43

He’s checking if you’ll get in touch or your last online status.
Delete or archive the chat history, that way you won’t see him doing it.
You may not be tempted to message him now but you never know, so take the temptation away.

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 01:45

Sorry you have similar drama @gravybones. it’s shit, esp at this time of year. I’m not going to rise to it, I’m just curious of this odd behaviour.

If anyone deserves an apology, it’s me.

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 02/01/2022 01:45

Well whatever reason it is he’s achieved it as you're here questioning it and that’s what he wants 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 01:45

Should have said, I don’t have last seen online active.

OP posts:
gravybones · 02/01/2022 01:46

Maybe he doesn't realise that any messages sent whilst blocked will never be delivered. So perhaps he unblocking you in the hope that all your messages will come flooding in.

Well done for not sending any

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 01:46

@RedCandyApple

Well whatever reason it is he’s achieved it as you're here questioning it and that’s what he wants 🤷🏻‍♀️
I know, but that heavens he doesn’t know that :)
OP posts:
Original poster
scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 01:48

@gravybones

Maybe he doesn't realise that any messages sent whilst blocked will never be delivered. So perhaps he unblocking you in the hope that all your messages will come flooding in.

Well done for not sending any

Thank you. Maybe. Still doesn’t explain the reblocking though. If he wanted to hear that bad he would leave me unblocked surely.
OP posts:
AlDanvers · 02/01/2022 01:49

Unless it's nit him doing it. Someone else wanting to see if you are actuly messaging?

Honestly, don't even spend time thinking about it. He treated you appallingly.

Delete the message thread and then you won't be able to see and the forget about it and him.

gravybones · 02/01/2022 01:49

Maybe he thinks he's in control by blocking you so that you only get to communicate when he wants to.

I hate this use of blocking on WhatsApp - it's passive aggressive. My DP does it to me when we argue.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 02/01/2022 01:51

None of it matters if he's an ex.
You may as well be back together if he's taking up so much energy.

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 01:51

@AlDanvers

Unless it's nit him doing it. Someone else wanting to see if you are actuly messaging?

Honestly, don't even spend time thinking about it. He treated you appallingly.

Delete the message thread and then you won't be able to see and the forget about it and him.

Thank you. I’m getting there. I’m pretty certain it wouldn’t be anyone else doing it bar him.
OP posts:
declutteringmymind · 02/01/2022 01:52

You block him and put an end to this.

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 01:53

I thought about blocking, I don’t want him to even have the satisfaction of knowing I went onto his conversation in order to do so.

OP posts:
Beachtrip · 02/01/2022 01:54

Delete the contact.
Make sure WhatsApp settings are profile pic to contacts only.

Do t just block cos then you still have the number in blocked contacts. Delete his number.
Then you can't see his blocking/unblocking fuckery.

Read your other thread and this is all games. He's a tool. Cut him off.
Block on Facebook, block the ex, delete him. Walk away.

Well done on no contact so far, it's hard. Stay strong.

Scottishnewbie2022 · 02/01/2022 02:00

He’s possibly blocking you to try and stop himself messaging you? But unblocking in the hope you will message.

Original poster
scorpiogirly · 02/01/2022 02:03

Thanks @Beachtrip, I know that’s what I need to do, I am just not there yet. Maybe part of me is hoping for some kind of apology or explanation as to what the hell happened.

@Scottishnewbie2022 I never thought of it in such simple terms as that. Could well be a possibility.

OP posts:
Beachtrip · 02/01/2022 13:00

Totally get the not being ready.
Mid of 2021 I went through an awful breakup with a game playing narc.
Actually broke up in the feb and got back together and demolished all my boundaries for him. Threw out all my self respect and got back together only for it to end horrifically in June.

It was then, when I was bruised mentally and physically, that I took the steps and deleted him.
My WhatsApp is set to photo to all for various reasons so I've no idea if he knows he's been deleted or not. And frankly don't care anymore. I get my self achievement out of knowing that what he thinks is all in his head and has no bearing on my reality.
Every day is an exercise of not searching him on SM to see if I'm blocked or not and I take that a day at a time. But after a while it hasn't become a day at a time, it's now become like a banked value. In my head, I've gone a good 4 months without searching and if I search now I lose that 4 month value. Make sense? Like spending my savings.
Think about him less and less now. And when I do it's abstract, not real.

I get my power back by living in my world and he has no place there. His 'power' is all based on his own conjecture.

Re the apology... totally pipe dream. He doesn't think he's done anything wrong. And if he does he doesn't give a flying rats arse.
Any apology you get will be empty and meaningless.
Apologise to yourself for allowing him to treat you that way.

He's an infection, he lives in your system as long as you let him.

PurpleCarpets · 02/01/2022 13:09

You might have it the wrong way round. Rather than thinking of you as basically blocked, but unblocking you at times for unknown reasons, he could be regarding you as unblocked, to keep the channels open, but blocking you at certain times to stop you checking on his online activity?

AgathaMystery · 02/01/2022 13:11

Delete his number.

I did this many many years ago and genuinely didn’t recognise my ex’s number when it popped up a year later asking me to post him his ski gear. I honestly meant it when I asked ‘who is this?’

Spoiler: I’d sold it all to fund a holiday

KiloWhat · 02/01/2022 13:22

It doesn't matter. Ignore it.