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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenager talking at night

35 replies

DollyStardust · 01/01/2022 23:24

I'm laid in bed and about to settle down, I can hear my 18 Yr old DS in the room next door laughing and talking while he plays a game. He can sometimes do this until 4am with friends. Some nights he is louder than others and it causes arguments as it disturbs our sleep- he doesn't realise how much louder his voice is in a quiet house and argues that he isn't being loud.

It's hard to give him a curfew for this because he's of adult age, but equally he's acting like a child not considering others.

I don't understand how his friends can do it to without annoying their parents or waking siblings!?

OP posts:
OhLordyWhatNow · 01/01/2022 23:27

Ask him to remove his headphones and use the cpu speaker/ microphone.

He can't hear how loud his own voice is. Once he has experienced it he may alter his own volume.

AmandaHoldensLips · 01/01/2022 23:30

This used to drive me insane. I had to resort to storming into their bedroom and telling them to STFU. My house, my rules, and if you don't like it then move out.

DrDreReturns · 01/01/2022 23:34

I turn the WiFi off with my 15 year old. I appreciate you may not be able to do this with an adult but you may have to give him an ultimatum - change your behaviour or lose WiFi access overnight.

Detest · 01/01/2022 23:35

I turn the Internet off. My house, my rules. My DS is 15 but, even if he was an 18yo adult, why should the rest of the family suffer while a grown man shouts at animated characters all night?

elelel · 01/01/2022 23:35

It's hard to give him a curfew for this because he's of adult age

He isn't acting with adult consideration, so I would curfew accordingly.

SuckItup22 · 01/01/2022 23:36

Mine do the same. Its very annoying.

LSLLM · 01/01/2022 23:36

Why do you even allow it? Adult or not, it affects the family so much he needs to stop it.

Comefromaway · 01/01/2022 23:39

My 18 year old had a noise curfew at night both when she lived with a live in landlady and in shared accommodation (private halls of residences). Assuming you are the homeowner/tenant then it’s a case of your house, your rules.

sadpapercourtesan · 01/01/2022 23:40

My youngest tried this caper when he was about 15. After a couple of polite requests to keep the noise down, I just barged into his room and loudly told him off, to the hilarity of his FIFA mates. He piped down after that.

Honestly, tell him to shut the fuck up or you'll take his stuff away and turn off the WiFi. I adore my teenagers, but there have to be basic rules - people need sleep.

MojoMoon · 01/01/2022 23:40

If you can hear him, he is being too loud.

Don't get into an argument. Just state that you can hear him and it needs to stop.

It's the same as playing music.

He can work out how to fix it himself. Be that not playing the games. Or speaking more quietly. Or playing the games at an alternative location - a friend's house. His own flat. A downstairs room in the house far away from bedrooms?

He is an adult. He can be responsible for choosing his solution to it.

You set the boundaries, he figures out how to exist within them.

shampooing · 01/01/2022 23:40

It doesn't matter if he's an adult, it's your house.
If he wants to be treated like an adult he can behave like one.
If he were in a house share the others might not like to be disturbed. There have also been recent threads where neighbours were being disturbed by gaming teenagers.

Does he have school or college? Can't tell if this is "only" an issue because of the holidays.

violetbunny · 01/01/2022 23:41

If he's 18 it's easier, he's an adult so you treat him like you would any other adult. It's your house, your rules.

If he doesn't keep it down i would start changing the internet password every night before you go to bed.

Original poster
DollyStardust · 01/01/2022 23:42

He has college and is good at settling down on the evenings before as he gets up at 6am. It happens at weekends and worsens as his body clock changes over the holidays.

OP posts:
AntiHop · 01/01/2022 23:43

That would drive me mad! I wonder if the neighbours can hear him too.

gogohm · 01/01/2022 23:45

I just tell mine no. They can go to bed whenever they want but speaking is not acceptable once I'm in bed and headphones must be worn. If they don't like it then they can go back to their halls/flat (they both want to stay here if lectures are online so I can "home educate" them aka kick them out of bed and make them work!)

Summerfun54321 · 01/01/2022 23:52

New house rule = WiFi goes off when you go to bed.

Scbchl · 01/01/2022 23:54

Mine also do the same and it drives us nuts.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/01/2022 23:54

@elelel

It's hard to give him a curfew for this because he's of adult age

He isn't acting with adult consideration, so I would curfew accordingly.

This. I would expect an adult of any age (a partner for example) to not be so rude as to regularly keep others in the house awake by talking late while gaming (or anything else). If he wants to have free run of a home and make all the noise he wants whenever he wants, he's welcome to live alone or with someone else who doesn't mind. I would say the same if your partner was the one doing it.
JorahFriendZone · 02/01/2022 00:24

Honestly I would tell him. It may be that he doesn’t realise, so give him the benefit of the doubt and have a word. If he carries on doing it after that then it’s a lack of respect. A close friend lives next door (adjoining flat) to a late teenager who plays on his PC and is up all hours being rather noisy. It has drone my friend to distraction and made him very unhappy where he lives. The parents don’t seem to let the noise bother them, but overall they seem a bit of a noisy family. If you have adjoining neighbours please ensure your son has an awareness about noise on them too, as well as on those in the home.

sofakingcool · 02/01/2022 00:25

My 18 yr old DS is a pain for this too. He's always good at turning the volume down (shutting up!) when asked but I get fed up with asking.

Generally he's turning it off about midnight, but that's a bit later than we go to bed. In the holidays I ask him to move downstairs into our converted garage where he can play as long as he wants

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 02/01/2022 00:28

My 15 and 16 year olds like to yell and laugh loudly while gaming. They have enough respect to quieten down when we tell them to though. As much as I dislike the "turn the WiFi off when I go to bed, that's exactly what would happen if they carried on with the noise

TheHoptimist · 02/01/2022 00:40

@DrDreReturns

I turn the WiFi off with my 15 year old. I appreciate you may not be able to do this with an adult but you may have to give him an ultimatum - change your behaviour or lose WiFi access overnight.
Don’t they just tether off phone?
Cameleongirl · 02/01/2022 00:47

I agree that you need to speak to him about keeping the noise down generally. My DS (13) also plays online games with his friends and we've had to speak to him about shouting and whooping.

I know he's a child and yours is an adult, but it's common courtesy and consideration for other people living in the house.

ReginaaPhalange · 02/01/2022 00:57

@AntiHop

That would drive me mad! I wonder if the neighbours can hear him too.
We have the exact same issue with the 21 year old boy across from us. He is so loud, he swears and he screams like a child. He's definitely playing games like fifa cause he screams things like "pass me the fucking ball, I'm wide open".

His parents don't appear to have addressed it in the 7 years they have lived there, and also the complains about the noise (1am Monday mornings) from other neighbours on the estates Facebook page (which his parents saw the posts).

So chances are, yes, your neighbours will be hearing it and are probably really annoyed with it...

RavingAnnie · 02/01/2022 01:01

We had a rule of no headphone talking after we were in bed.