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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put two 11 year olds in an uber?

151 replies

ohlookgreyvelour · 01/01/2022 19:55

Just had a message from one of my dcs friends mum inviting them both out for friends birthday next week, however we will all be back at work and are unable to take them directly to the place ourselves.

So I was I thinking that I could book them an uber to pick them up from home and drop them to the place, which is a 5-10 min drive depending on traffic.
Both dc are very sensible and are usually at home alone in the evening from 4.30pm until 6.30pm when do gets home from work, I don't usually get in until later.

The mum is unable to collect as she will be coming from work herself. So do you think that would be ok?
I don't want them to walk as it will be dark at that time and they would have to walk through quite a rough estate.

OP posts:
massiveblob · 02/01/2022 00:14

I'd do it. My DC1 is that age. All her mates would do it too. They are all at high school age 11 so navigate buses / trains / trams etc. It's dark after 4pm and they still do it. Taxis are safe in comparison

Original poster
ohlookgreyvelour · 02/01/2022 01:38

Ok I'm just going to say that I am a more than capable parent, so I'm hardly likely to pack my dc off into a cab without firstly making sure they are comfortable to do so and doing all the relevant checks.
Secondly making sure they are met at the other end, by birthday childs parent who I will make relevant arrangements with.
Thirdly they are not 5, believe me when I say I am not the type of parent who willingly puts their child at risk just for the sake of it.

Of course children panic and don't understand everything, which is my job as a parent to teach.
They're not even at secondary school yet and we are currently doing practice runs of each route they will need to take, including doing things like getting on the wrong bus and working out routes to get back on the right one.
They know what shop to go to for help, as a few shops round here have set up a fantastic community help scheme, that if children do not feel safe in any way they can go in and call for a parent.

In answer to a pp, yes they are completely unsupervised for 2 hours! weekends as 11 year old boys I rarely see them surface from their room, sometimes for hours unless it's for food.

OP posts:
GreetingsFromVenus · 02/01/2022 02:09

Local taxi firms in my area won’t take unaccompanied DC under 14 as I found out when my car was in the garage longer than anticipated and my twins were 13. They asked me as I wanted a taxi from school. Probably due to insurance.

I guess if there are age limits and they look older than they are (my 11 year old is in 15/16 year clothes!), I’d give it a go at a push if I really couldn’t take get back to take them. Taking a late lunch? With them having a text convo with me during the journey so I know they’re OK.

Definitely not in a Uber though. The times I’ve used them, some of the cars were old and stinky, no signage so I’d be worried about them recognising it’s the right car, and not what I’d want my DC travelling in alone.

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/01/2022 02:20

Sure just get them to text you.

1forAll74 · 02/01/2022 02:55

Do you have a friendly neighbour with a car, who can take them on this short journey. maybe offer petrol money.

Graphista · 02/01/2022 03:42

They're not even at secondary school yet

Which given the time of year means they are v young 11's too

As I said I'm generally in mn terms fairly for encouraging independence in youngsters but...at this age and stage I think this is a bit much

It has to be measured and gradual though and has to bear in mind what the risks are/are likely to be

HappyDays40 · 02/01/2022 03:51

I used to catch a bus 15 miles per day for school at jus turned 11. I think it's fine a taxi us perfectly safe

HappyDays40 · 02/01/2022 03:53

If you are worried you couodcaskbtgem to keeping phone on in their pocket then for the parent attention othercend to say hello on arrival.

RAOK · 02/01/2022 04:04

I would ask the birthday parent if they could come home with the birthday child straight from school or if that’s not an option ask a family friend/babysitter or another familiar adult if they would kindly take them for you and return the favour when you can.

sashh · 02/01/2022 04:32

@ohlookgreyvelour

Thank you I will definitely look into a taxi firm.

For those who say no, can I ask why?

I know myself I struggle with letting them be a little more independent, but they will have to travel alone at some point very soon as they'll be going to secondary so I have to let go.

Uber drivers have, I believe, no checks or licence.

Taxi drivers have to have a licence. Taxi drivers who take children to school have to have further checks.

Putting them in an Uber is not that far from them hitchhiking.

Onatree · 02/01/2022 06:30

I find the “why not?” Posts so disingenuous. WTF? Oh why would you not put your pre-teen into a car with a strange man? What on Earth could happen?

elelel · 02/01/2022 08:47

Thirdly they are not 5, believe me when I say I am not the type of parent who willingly puts their child at risk just for the sake of it.

Don't send them in a car with a stranger then. It really is that simple.

Remmy123 · 02/01/2022 08:54

Not an Uber but I local taxi firm.

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 09:06

I'm actually not sure Uber will take them anyway but they have a pretty terrible reputation. Many drivers apparently share cars and so a few not who they say they are. I've had some pretty hairy rides myself, have not always felt safe and no longer use them. I'd order a black cab or well known private cab service. You'll have to ask if they take unaccompanied dc though. Some will have contracts with local council for schools etc so won't be a problem for those

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 09:14

Re the tracking, I think that's a bit of a false sense of security. I assume that can just be switched off judging by the way cars just disappear from the app when they decide half way to you that they are taking another job instead, also just because the car passed the stop off does not mean they stopped and let the passenger out. There's no guarantee the person stated is the one driving the car. It's certainly not safer than a well known local firm whether that has tracking or not but ime most do these days.

IndigoToo · 02/01/2022 09:16

Where I am it would actually be illegal to leave an 11 year old at home alone - so I would never even consider it. It has been eye-opening to read some of these responses about it though.

liveforsummer · 02/01/2022 09:20

@sydenhamhiller

My older 2 children need to take the train to their secondary schools. The trains can be unreliable.

On occasion when they have been stranded, they have piled into a cab outside one of the stations.

They have been under strict instructions not to ever get into cab by themselves. When there are 4 of them (and would have been 14 and 16), I was/ am fine.

Outside our station you only find licensed black cabs which are heavily regulated by the local council. I'd take that over an Uber for my dc any day and is obviously the safer option to being stranded at a station or trying to walk
FoxInABox · 02/01/2022 09:27

I’m confused why some posters think a local licensed firm is better? Uber are licensed, their drivers are dbs checked- any private hire driver is dbs checked to get their badge. Uber also check documents a lot more often than any other firm my husband has worked for. In this situation I would prefer Uber as you can watch the journey yourself and will know if they deviate off course in real time. As far as I am aware it is up to the driver if they will take an unaccompanied minor, but they need parental permission to do so. Most have internal dash cams to cover them also.

Rexthesnail · 02/01/2022 10:20

I regularly put my DD in a taxi on her own. I wouldn't use Uber though. She's been taxying on her own since she was 8

user313213521 · 02/01/2022 10:27

Uber won't take unaccompanied children
www.uber.com/en-GB/blog/uber-with-kids-guidelines/

NinaDefoe · 02/01/2022 10:29

Local mini cab firm.

It’s the way plenty of children get to school every day believe it or not.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 02/01/2022 10:53

Could any of the other party parents help with a lift? Lift share is common for parties in my experience. Is the invitation on WhatsApp for instance? I have an 11 year old. He's at secondary and not sure he'd cope in taxi.

EricCartmansGoatee · 02/01/2022 11:44

@IndigoToo

Where I am it would actually be illegal to leave an 11 year old at home alone - so I would never even consider it. It has been eye-opening to read some of these responses about it though.
Really? Where are you?
Original poster
ohlookgreyvelour · 02/01/2022 12:52

That's the thing though all children are different and certainly wouldn't cope with either being left alone or using transport, I'm not saying it's a bad thing but we as parents are the only ones who know what our children are capable of doing and whenbits the right time for them to do so.

OP posts:
iloveredpandas · 02/01/2022 19:05

@AlwaysLatte

Really interested in why some people are saying definitely not? Independent person we know nothing about in a car, just no.
It's their job - what would you need to know?

You cannot assume every person is a danger or rapist or whatever it is you are thinking.

Also how does this ever change by age? Do you think women should never travel alone?

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