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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put two 11 year olds in an uber?

151 replies

ohlookgreyvelour · 01/01/2022 19:55

Just had a message from one of my dcs friends mum inviting them both out for friends birthday next week, however we will all be back at work and are unable to take them directly to the place ourselves.

So I was I thinking that I could book them an uber to pick them up from home and drop them to the place, which is a 5-10 min drive depending on traffic.
Both dc are very sensible and are usually at home alone in the evening from 4.30pm until 6.30pm when do gets home from work, I don't usually get in until later.

The mum is unable to collect as she will be coming from work herself. So do you think that would be ok?
I don't want them to walk as it will be dark at that time and they would have to walk through quite a rough estate.

OP posts:
surreymum89 · 01/01/2022 22:18

*DBS check

Benjispruce5 · 01/01/2022 22:21

The fact that you’re considering it means you think your DC are capable. I would never have done this though. DC are 21&17 now and only started taking cabs with friends at 16/17.

HiJenny35 · 01/01/2022 22:21

Every single thread about abuse of any description and its the same "why would a woman be safer" really, have we not got this yet? Because it is. Statistically it's about 4% of abuse cases that are committed by women. So yes women still abuse but you are statically far far safer with a woman. As for uber is 2018-19 (the last reliable year for data) there were 3000 reported assault cases with uber drivers, they aren't dbs checked, they aren't safe and no don't put unsupervised childen in them.

waterproofed · 01/01/2022 22:23

I’m all for independence, but your idea is against Uber’s own rules:

‘Ground rules

When it comes to requesting rides, our guidelines state that the Uber age limit is 18, meaning children are not allowed to have Uber accounts. If you’re using your Uber account or the Uber family profile for your children to request a ride, they must still be accompanied by an adult to be allowed to ride. As such, drivers may also ask for ID verification to check a rider’s age if they think it is necessary.’

GoatsAndBarley · 01/01/2022 22:23

I've only ever used an Uber once so I can't really comment. They don't have them where I live. But getting a taxi did mean I could go in and talk about it to the taxi company. I'm not sure how easy that would be to do with Uber? But it did provide some level of reassurance. Getting a taxi wasnt really my first choice, but it was one of those occasions when child needed to be somewhere, and I couldn't make it work any other way. It was fine anyway.

Benjispruce5 · 01/01/2022 22:24

Is there another friend’s parent that wouldn’t mind taking your DC? Could they perhaps go home from school with another child and you return the favour when you ah e time off?

HiJenny35 · 01/01/2022 22:29

I'm not sure why you've come on here to ask, you've already decided what you want, you've decided ubers are safe despite the thousands of women are sexually assaulted ever year in them, continue to use them drunk and just fingers crossed I suppose. Like you say kids have to learn, but personally mine have to learn that sometimes you have to miss going places if there isn't a safe way of getting there and back but each to their own.

Wfhquery · 01/01/2022 22:30

@Smartiepants79

You might want to check that the taxi company are happy to carry unaccompanied minors. School transport taxis have to have a chaperone it not sure whether it would apply to this scenario. Is there someone who could recommend someone trustworthy?
School taxis don’t have to have a chaperone, it’s risk assessed based on child and most primary school aged kids do have an escort but lots don’t and travel just with driver
BlackSwan · 01/01/2022 22:30

So your kids are going to be alone at hone, the Uber pulls up & thru leave the house alone and get into the Uber and travel to a party alone.
Um… no. That’s a dreadful idea.

BlackSwan · 01/01/2022 22:30

Then not thru

AssemblySquare · 01/01/2022 22:32

How is the birthday child getting home from school? Could they go with them?
Obviously I’ve assumed they’re all back at school and at same school!!

yoyoman · 01/01/2022 22:41

I'm sorry but this just annoys me so much.

The uber/taxi driver will be a stranger with no DBS check. Most likely nothing will happen but what if something did??

Is the party really that important? Worth the risk ?

No way I would send my 11 year old.

piisnot3 · 01/01/2022 22:46

I refer you to my former next door neighbour and my former postman - both well liked, both "pillars of the community", one a school governor and must have had a dbs check ... and both now serving time for paedophilia-related offences.

HunterGatherer · 01/01/2022 22:48

I wouldn't OP, when my car broke down, I used a local taxi firm to take my 2 huge, rugby playing 11 and 12 Yr old boys to school.
The taxi driver took them but then went into the school and told the head that he was concerned that I had put them at risk. Blush

PinkSyCo · 01/01/2022 22:55

Just book them a taxi.

Needmoresleep · 01/01/2022 23:03

Phone a reputable local taxi firm, explain what you need and ask for a named driver.

A good firm will be doing jobs involving vulnerable people. Taking the elderly to hospital, overseas pupils to boarding schools, etc and be able to tell you their approach and policies. Sometimes I got teenage DD picked up from sports training. She knew the name of the person as well as the firm. Equally I looked into having a regular booking for a driver to take my mum with dementia to church, and then wait for her and take her home.

Not Uber, too random.

onlycustomers · 01/01/2022 23:05

[quote Offmyfence]@onlycustomers but Uber needs masks, the drivers are in an enclosed space and need to keep safe. They can't work if they've got covid and are self employed so will not have an income'

Hope that helps you understand [/quote]
But the Op probably knows that by now. Whoever doesn't must be living under a rock. It was just a pointless add on in my opinion.

neveradullmoment99 · 01/01/2022 23:06

No way in hell!

Original poster
ohlookgreyvelour · 01/01/2022 23:06

@HiJenny35 clearly you haven't read all my updates and also my last comment! I said I was very lucky with the drivers I've had, not all men are sexual predators that prey on drunk women and children.

I also said that I would look into other options recommended by those on this thread, which I started to get some advice which is what this forum is for!

My dc will be collected after the party by their father, so they won't be coming and going alone.
There is also no law that I am breaking by leaving two 11 year olds alone for 2 hours.

OP posts:
gogohm · 01/01/2022 23:10

@Smartiepants79

School transport doesn't have chaperones for older children unless behaviour/health reasons. My DD's picked her up for 2 years from 12-14 no chaperone

Aphrodite31 · 01/01/2022 23:10

I wouldn't let my 11 yr old go in an Uber. Taxi yes but Uber? Why not taxi?

Justgorgeous · 01/01/2022 23:19

I wouldn’t get in a Uber let alone a child. Use a black cab if you are in London.

elelel · 01/01/2022 23:19

I wouldn't let them go in a taxi either. You don't know the driver. It's not even about DBS, you don't know anything about them. There is not a chance I would leave children with a complete stranger under these circumstances. I have a lot of experience here and wouldn't let half the drivers I know anywhere near my kids.

As an aside, I'm a woman and a few years ago I drove cabs. I would have refused a fare like this because I wouldn't want to be responsible for someone else's child. It doesn't matter if the child does nothing wrong, and is fine with it, personally I don't want that responsibility.

Graphista · 01/01/2022 23:37

Licensed taxi - maybe but I'd be requesting a dbs checked driver (not that this is a guarantee)

Uber - no way!

Why can't the birthday celebration happen at a time when parents CAN properly transport/supervise?

What are they doing? Are they going to be at birthday friends home alone (no parents? No adults?)

Holly and Jessica were sensible 10 year olds together at the time of their disappearance...

Birthday child lives across the road from the location so will meet mum or be collected by her I assume.

What kind of venue? Will they have to be waiting outside until parent gets there?

I really don't understand why either the birthday child's parent can't adjust the time or take an afternoon off work. (And it needn't be mum)

For those who say no, can I ask why?

Seriously?!

Because they're so young! In mn terms I'm one of the parents more keen on kids becoming independent but there's not only the risk of predators here (which I believe is far more common than we're led to believe) there's also general personal safety, plus how would they actually cope if something went wrong eg birthday child's parent running late or even gets in an accident or something?

Most children this age would at least initially panic.

I wouldn't put a child of mine in that situation.

Summer before high school she was allowed in daylight hours to get the bus into town with at least one friend but we were in a semi rural area, not "rough" and she was very familiar with the bus company and route and knew her way around town. There were also certain rules we had for such trips.

It's still getting into a car with a stranger.

Good summation

I'm 49 and I wouldn't use an Uber solo!

I've heard all kinds of issues from friends/family who've used/tried them from not showing up, to ripping them off, to seriously creepy close calls! One relative (mechanic by trade) noticed something in the Uber they were in, looked up the car and discovered it was a write off after a serious accident!

Wouldn't use them ever!

Although Uber better than a local mini cab company as at least there is a digital footprint.

I'm in the arse end of nowhere (west coast Scotland) and even our local registered taxi firm has an app and tracking now, this is not just Uber. Friends and family in other parts of uk have also said their local taxis now have tracking (well it's been last 5 or so years now in most cases)

How do they differ from a taxi or mini cab?

Generally speaking just much more regulation of both cars and drivers!

Uber their drivers are self employed and effectively self regulated. Ditto the cars as they simply use their own cars whatever state they're in!

Registered/licensed taxis and the cars they use in most places in the uk are required to meet higher safety and efficiency standards than regular cars and drivers.

The drivers are usually background checked AT LEAST to check they've no convictions for violent crimes or "crimes against the person" so that also includes general thievery.

Better councils/areas do thorough background checks and nobody with a criminal conviction can be a taxi driver - unfortunately this varies by locale

And again they're more than ok to be left for 2 hours

Completely unsupervised?!

I didn't say they were girls!

Irrelevant

uber is safer than a normal cab firm

Totally disagree for points already stated

Private hire (proper cabs) drivers are all thoroughly vetted.

Not always! Councils vary on their requirements

so I know that if the taxi were to cancel they would come straight back in the house and call me.

It's not just if the taxi doesn't turn up, there are several other potential scenarios that could wrong foot them and they aren't yet old enough to be able to think what to do or guaranteed not to panic/stress

Yes women CAN be predatory but let's be honest it's rare! Far far more likely to be at risk from a male!

we cannot wrap our children up forever

No but we shouldn't take UNNECESSARY Risks either. This is not an essential journey

not all men are sexual predators that prey on drunk women and children.

Not all - but a lot!

GoatsAndBarley · 01/01/2022 23:50

And again they're more than ok to be left for 2 hours

Completely unsupervised?!

Both my kids at age 11 years could certainly be left for 2 hours both at home and at a party.