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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour from hell

74 replies

Enoughisenough0 · 01/01/2022 18:50

Posting here for traffic mainly, I moved into a new house 6 weeks ago and my ndn has taken a serious dislike towards me for reasons unknown. I tried to introduce myself to all the neighbours and she refused to even look at me, I sent a Christmas card which was ripped up and thrown into my garden so after this point I gave up. But since then she has been purposely banging on the walls at all hours of the night, slamming doors all night and morning which makes our house shake, playing loud music and walking her dog into my front garden to do it’s business. I have ordered cctv as I am now living in fear for unknown reasons. We are a small quiet family and haven’t ever caused problems for anybody, the lack of sleep and worry about leaving the house is now causing me a lot of anxiety and I regret moving to our dream home. We cannot up and leave as we have spent £4500 so far on the properly and this will be a loss we cannot afford to replace. I don’t feel we should have to move because this person has decided to bully us but I’m at a loss of what to do. I have enquired with environmental health who told me it’s normal noise and they cannot act on it as I cannot prove it’s deliberate. I made the mistake of getting angry and making all the same noises back in retaliation which has made her do it even more. I could honestly cry and I don’t know what to do please help.

OP posts:

BeenHereForAges · 01/01/2022 23:56

I'm sorry you're going through this op. You sound like a nice family and I'm sure many people would be grateful to have you for a neighbour.
But this woman's got serious issues. If you bang back she will bang louder or become aggressive or deliberately wake up in the night in order to fuck around banging and wake your family up.
If you ignore her she will likely keep up the current level of banging and letting her dog crap in your garden.
You can either confront her face to face and ask her what her problem is or move. Given that youre already intimidated by her due to her reputation, the best solution I can think is to move if humanly possible. Think of it as an awful experience and live a happy life elsewhere.

Pollingbadly · 01/01/2022 23:58

You can get a civil injunction but honestly it will have very limited effect (hard to define a breach when she has got you into this state and can upset you in ways that are hard to pin down in court). But that will end up costing you more than the money you have lost. You will never be happy where you are and this neighbor is not going anywhere. I've been where you are. I bitterly regret not taking advice to just leave. It's not fair and yes it's hard to believe they can get away with it but they can and nothing is worth depression, PTSD, anxiety, insomnia and feeling unsafe in your own home.

Danikm151 · 02/01/2022 00:10

Log a complaint with your HA. If she’s HA too she can be putting her tenancy at risk for antisocial behaviour

Bettysnow · 02/01/2022 00:15

I would fight fire with fire in the case of a moron like this. Do not give her an inch. If she lets her dog use your garden as toilet go straight out and give her both barrels! If she stands staring in your window pull back every blind and stare straight back! Do not move until she does!
People like this don't listen to reason so no point in even trying. They actually tend up increase their stinking behaviour as they think you are afraid of them. Once you stand up to a bully they tend to slink off as they're really cowards at heart.

KILNAMATRA · 02/01/2022 00:36

Soundboard I g our parting walk cost 800 labour and we used styrofoam and soundboard.. bout 1500 all in.. it helped me live here comfortably as we used to have neighbours banging on walls etc… cranky ones moved.. new ones say they can’t hear anything!

KILNAMATRA · 02/01/2022 00:38

a fencing company can put up a post and a gate.. she’s no right to be poo trespassing

Northernsoullover · 02/01/2022 00:42

Environmental Health should not have dismissed you. Its called unreasonable noise. You cannot determine whether its normal or unreasonable without monitoring. Please call them again. Definitely contact the housing association again too with investigating ASB.

KloppsTeeth · 02/01/2022 01:44

I also would be complaining to the HA for not disclosing previous issues with her for their tenants. I also agree with writing off the money, it isn’t worth the cost to your mental health.

Why can’t the ever house their problem tenants next door to each other so that they just wind each other up?

Wineisrequired · 02/01/2022 07:47

I would keep on at the HA most have a zero tolerance attitude towards this type of behaviour . I’m sorry you are going through this as I know that a bad neighbour can make life hell .

HMG107 · 02/01/2022 08:23

My sister had a similar problem when she moved into a HA flat. The neighbor underneath didn't want anyone living on top of her so made her life hell - she had form for this with previous tenants. This included banging at all hours, scratching her car etc.She gave up when she realised my sister wasnt intimated and wouldn't move out. She's now been there for the best part of a decade and has no issues.

awesomekilick · 02/01/2022 08:26

Contact your councillor and ask their help?

KarmaStar · 02/01/2022 09:18

I'm wondering if there's enough for an harassment charge?

catmania · 02/01/2022 09:48

I feel your pain as i have a very unpleasant neighbour living over the back from my home.
Its best if you can try and ignore her as these type of people love to get a reaction knowing they have wound you up. Believe me i know how difficult it is to ignore when all you want to do is punch them. Document everything she does however minor as this may help build a bigger picture for future reference if you have to take things further.

My one has assaulted me, harassed me, tried to attack me, told me i should die and sprayed my plants with weed killer. No one round here likes her suprisingly enough. The police have been involved but not much help. She has severe MH problems which is no excuse.

Whatever you do dont physically touch her as she will then become the victim and you the criminal. Thats how they work.
If you are on FB there is a group on there called Neighbours from Hell who may be able to give you some advice.

Original poster

Enoughisenough0 · 02/01/2022 10:54

Thank you everyone and sorry for those suffering the same issue now or in the past, I agree with a PP that they should all be forced to live in a community together so us decent families can get on with our lives peacefully!

OP posts:

Blinky21 · 02/01/2022 11:48

Is she HA? If so report her and keep reporting her. A friend of mine had a similar issue of a neighbour harassing her family for no reason, after repeated complaints to the HA, by her and other neighbours, they finally moved her. Also keep complaining to the council, don't be fobbed off. You can also contact the police if you feel Intimidated or harassed, in my experience, they will take you seriously

Thelnebriati · 02/01/2022 11:56

@Enoughisenough0 Talk to your housing officer, and keep an incident diary. Log the date, time, and what happened.

RockinHorseShit · 02/01/2022 12:08

Keep a diary of every incident & video anything you can. Then report to the police ASB team via 101 or website

We've had this with an unhinged neighbour, despite clear breach of regs, EHL have been worse than useless & find any excuses to fob us off, despite ASB police deeming his behaviour "extreme" this woman obviously has form for harassment, so get in fast & report, as it takes time to sort out. Goood luck

CornishTiger · 02/01/2022 12:10

Is she Housing association too? If so that’s positive as they can take a range of actions.

Firstly they can write to her and tell her that her actions are causing alarm and distress and could be seen as Anti Social Behaviour and if she continues to do so they make take action as it is a breach of tenancy.

You need to keep diary sheets. Date time duration what happened and how it made you feel.

You must not behave in any negative way in retaliation.

Police can issue words of advice about acceptable conduct - not to stand staring at your window for example and issue a stage 1 warning notice for asb if she then continues.

Dog warden. Report the fouling to them as well as HA.

Get CCTV

If HA arent helpful then you have an ASB caseworker at council. Usually in Community protection.

I strongly suspect your Housing officer will be fully aware of this tenant. If they don’t seem to be supportive then don’t forget the complaints process. However you do need to do the leg work and provide the evidence.

TeachesOfPeaches · 02/01/2022 12:17

Don't you have to abide by a few rules to live in an HA property otherwise you risk eviction? Could it be possible get her evicted instead ?

catmania · 02/01/2022 12:17

What you have to remember is that people like this who behave the way they do are deeply unhappy and want you to be as bitter and unhappy as they are. Also any vile verbal abuse they spew is just a reflection of themselves.

CornishTiger · 02/01/2022 12:19

@TeachesOfPeaches

Don't you have to abide by a few rules to live in an HA property otherwise you risk eviction? Could it be possible get her evicted instead ?

You have to abide by the terms of the tenancy.

However enforcement action will only be proportionate to the breach. This isn’t something they would evict for yet- however if it continues and escalates then they might eventually. It’s not a short process though.

Pinkywoo · 02/01/2022 12:40

I had a very similar situation, we moved into a privately rented terraced house and one of the neighbours was a woman like this. We couldn't work out what we'd done to piss her off until we started going to the pub over the road and got chatting to the barman. Apparently she'd driven out the previous few tenants, harassed various other neighbours and was known as a complete nightmare to everyone on the street.

She made constant complaints to the council about us, including telling the dog warden our (thoroughly spoilt!) dog was neglected. When the dog warden came to investigate he found our lurcher asleep on his back on the sofa with all his legs in the air, full water bowl, and clean yard (one of her complaints was we didn't clear up after him). Fortunately while he was there he heard her banging on the wall to make the dog bark so she could complain!

Anyway, we were advised to record everything she did, every bang on the wall, keep every abusive note, and in the end she was removed from the house (I don't know all the details because of confidentiality). A lovely older lady who lived the other side of her brought us a plant to say thankyou, apparently the nightmare woman had been putting cat shit through her door.

CityCommuter · 02/01/2022 13:02

@Enoughisenough0 you poor thing your NDN sounds mentally ill and could also be dangerous / violent so I would advice you or any relatives against threatening her or doing anything silly such as sprinkling chilli pepper etc... remember someone like her would definitely have her phone recording without your knowledge if you threatened her so you could be the one who'd end up with a criminal record... I wouldn't write a letter either asking if you did anything wrong because firstly you haven't, secondly that gives her the satisfaction of power as if you're pleading with her and thirdly she mightn't even be able to read it anyway... I know it's tempting to ask other neighbours about their experiences of her but I'd be very careful about this as you simply don't know who you can trust! Have the other neighbours been friendly and nice to you? Does the nutty neighbour live on her own or does she seem to have any close family? It could be that she's jealous of your family set-up or anyone who has kids... I would contact the police again about harassment, always have your phone discreetly in your pocket set to audio record if you're ever 'talking' to her so you'll have evidence... someone like her would be known to the police... as other PP's have said I think moving is the best option if you can, you'll just have to live with the loss of 4500 to save your sanity and you can sleep at night...

emsmar · 02/01/2022 14:23

@Enoughisenough0

I appreciate all your advice and kind words it has really helped me tonight while I’ve been hysterically crying and feeling alone. She walked her dog outside but not in my front garden this time, however she stood facing my house and watching me in an intimidating manor. I closed my curtains and ignored her but she clearly has it in for me. I have ordered two ring doorbells and a new bulb for the security light, hopefully that will make her feel exposed and uncomfortable.

I'm not very aggressive but reading this makes me want to choke the fucker. Honestly what a bully. I feel so terrible for you.

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