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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Turns out my friend is my counsellor....

49 replies

kelseypops · 01/01/2022 12:05

Should I say anything?

Having telephone counselling with a womens aid type charity.

Had my first session yesterday and this morning realised my counsellor is school mum friend. My dc and her dc are in the same class at school.

Obviously know her first name from the charity but that's all so would never have guessed form that

She works full time, I know what she does her a living. Had absolutely no idea she does this too - so I say anything? Have absolutely no idea what to do. I spoke to her at great length yesterday and didn't have a clue it was her from her voice!

I only know as I saved her number - went onto what's app and can now see her saved name under or what's app conversations.

Do I tell her I know?

OP posts:
Marmite27 · 01/01/2022 12:06

I’d ask for a different counsellor.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2022 12:07

Change Councellor

SwanShaped · 01/01/2022 12:07

Yes tell her. You need a new counsellor.

trickyex · 01/01/2022 12:08

I agree, I would change.

Chrispackhamspoodle · 01/01/2022 12:09

Yes you need to tell her and change counsellors. Don't have another session with her.She will end it anyway when she realises she knows you.

Original poster
kelseypops · 01/01/2022 12:09

I'm having weekly therapy with a private counsellor anyway, this was just something extra that I was advised to do. I could ask to change.

I told her so much yesterday, which doesn't really matter as it was all the truth. I trust her completely - she actually is a wonderful counsellor and has been q wonderful friend. She contacted me the other week to check I was ok but our communication has always been on what's app and I never saved her number so I had no idea it was her!

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 01/01/2022 12:10

Yes
She should arrange that herself if she realises you know each other.

daretodenim · 01/01/2022 12:10

You definitely need to flag this and get a different one. She actually can't work with you if she knows you so if she's not made the connection yet then best to raise it before you continue and she does, and then you need to switch.

Original poster
kelseypops · 01/01/2022 12:10

@Chrispackhamspoodle

Yes you need to tell her and change counsellors. Don't have another session with her.She will end it anyway when she realises she knows you.
She called me off her personal number. The number that I already have - she will have my number and know it's me.
OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 01/01/2022 12:11

Does she know?

I think blurring the lines between friendship and therapeutic relationship would see the therapy suffer. Id ask for a new councillor.

Original poster
kelseypops · 01/01/2022 12:11

Ok thank you. I will sort it, I don't have another appointment for 2 weeks.

OP posts:
daretodenim · 01/01/2022 12:11

That's really weird OP and you should still ask for another one. It's certainly not ok!

ClemDanFango · 01/01/2022 12:12

Why did she take you on? She will have known it was you from your details/number?

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 01/01/2022 12:13

Maybe not. You should let her know and see what she can sort out for you.

Original poster
kelseypops · 01/01/2022 12:13

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Does she know?

I think blurring the lines between friendship and therapeutic relationship would see the therapy suffer. Id ask for a new councillor.

I can't see how she doesn't know. She messaged me a few days ago off the same number but through text message where our usual communication is what's app.

She had all my registration details on front of her including all my children names who she knows. Our dcs are in the same class, go to each other's bday parties, have play dates every now and then

OP posts:
Original poster
kelseypops · 01/01/2022 12:15

@ClemDanFango

Why did she take you on? She will have known it was you from your details/number?
Absolutely no idea. I spoke to her yesterday not having a clue who she was. She is absolutely wonderful to talk too but feels very unfair on me. She's met my exH numerous times
OP posts:
TueWed · 01/01/2022 12:15

She doesnt sound that wonderful if she knows its you, and she does as she has your number. Sounds dodgy

ClemDanFango · 01/01/2022 12:15

She should have flagged this up when your details landed on her desk. No professional counsellor would continue with a consultation with a conflict of interest like that.

ChrimboGateauxCatto · 01/01/2022 12:16

Yes you should tell and also if she is suitably qualified she should know to NOT do this. Ethical guidelines are very clear.

Lacedwithgrace · 01/01/2022 12:16

You need to tell her and request a different counsellor, it's not good for either of you to be in that position.

Original poster
kelseypops · 01/01/2022 12:17

@TueWed

She doesnt sound that wonderful if she knows its you, and she does as she has your number. Sounds dodgy
She is. I have confided in her before.

It's obviously unpaid work. Maybe there was no one else to speak to me - I have no idea

OP posts:
ChrimboGateauxCatto · 01/01/2022 12:17

Also calling from a personal number and not hiding it is super frowned upon too.

MajesticWol · 01/01/2022 12:17

Unpaid or not, it’s unprofessional and unethical.

ClemDanFango · 01/01/2022 12:23

Did she not introduce herself at the start of the call?

Xmasiscancelledagain · 01/01/2022 12:24

I agree that if she knew it was you, she should not have taken the job on.

With my job if I know anyone in my private life, I need to declare it and ask someone else to deal with something. People get sacked where I work for looking at people they know and not declaring it etc.

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she may not have recognised you. I don't know all the names of my DC school friends parents and unfortunately I have had a couple of times where I've not recognised another school parent by their name or address until I've actually seen their photo on the system.

But you should definitely mention it and ask to swap.