Walking the dog

[validusernames]

DD14 is expected to walk the dog on her own at her Dad's house every time she is there. She is there 4 days a month. The last time she stayed she was only there for 24 hours and was asked to walk the dog twice.

I never get involved with what happens at her Dad's but the last time she was walking their dog she FaceTimed me, it was so foggy she could barely see the field in front of her and she was a bit worried about a man that was also in the field (on his own, no dog).

I have said to her why does she not say that she is not comfortable walking the dog and she said she'd get made to walk it anyway.

Would it be unreasonable of me to speak to her dad and ask that someone at least go with her to walk the dog, or should I just keep my nose out? I don't really agree with her being made to take the dog on long walks when she is there as she is there so little, but it's not my place to comment on that really!

I don't think it's unusual for teens to walk the family dog on their own, certainly my brother and I were doing it from 12 ish. As soon as we were big enough to hold him really!

14 is definitely old enough to walk a dog alone. On the other hand, it’s not her dog if she only sees it 4 times a month, so your ex should get off his lazy arse and walk it himself, taking your daughter along to get some father-daughter time with her.

Pretty normal for a teenager to walk the dog. She’s getting fresh air and exercise and it’s a good lesson about responsible dog ownership. If I were you I’d be pleased.

I never get involved with what happens at her Dad's but the last time she was walking their dog she FaceTimed me, it was so foggy she could barely see the field in front of her and she was a bit worried about a man that was also in the field (on his own, no dog).

I don't think it's unusual for teenagers to walk dogs perhaps she needs to negotiate with her Dad how much of that responsibility it is reasonable for her to take. I do think you should help her to take action to improve her feeling of safety in situations such as the one you described, I hope she left the field immediately and told her Dad about how uncomfortable she felt.

Sorry I pressed post too quickly. DD is autistic, high functioning, but doesn't always understand situations correctly and her common sense isn't always the best. That's part of my worry.

I don’t think she should walk the dog if she feels uncomfortable doing it.
Walking a dog on a clear day in a well populated area or with other families around is different to walking a dog in thick fog where she clearly didn’t feel safe.
Could you suggest to her dad they walk the dog together? Surely she’s visiting him for time together?

I would not worry about my 14yo DD going for day time walks in a foggy place. My gut feeling is to talk to the DD about if she has concerns, and she should raise them directly if she has safety concerns.

Going against the grain here but surely the point of her visiting her dad four times a month is to spend time with her dad? Him sending her off to walk his dog, what is dad doing during that time? Why wouldn't he go with her?
Who lives at dad's house? New partner? Other children? Who walks the dog when DD isn't there?

@yellowsubmarines Her Dad's partner and her 2 children live at the house too.

Yes it does seem a little unfair that she's only there for 4 days a month and spends hours walking the dog!

If she feels unsafe she should listen to her gut and get out of the situation. Her dad might not understand or empathise with why a 14 year old girl feels unsafe in poor visibility away from other people with an unknown man nearby making her feel uncomfortable because he probably wouldn't feel (or be) vulnerable in the same way as a teenaged girl!

"I wouldn't be worried about my teenaged daughter in that situation" is IMO a strange response. The fact is that the teen girl felt unsafe in a situation in which feeling unsafe wasn't unreasonable.

Don't tell your DD to ignore her feelings of unease in order to learn a lesson about dog ownership! That's back to front thinking on turbocharge!

There's nothing wrong with walking the dog per se but only when she feels safe - well populated areas in good visibility.

She needs to ask her dad to go with her if it's dark/ foggy/ she feels unsafe. If he refuses to go with her that's absolutely not on, especially as she's there so little that 1) it's not her dog by any stretch of the imagination, and 2) he should be spending time with her not teaching her obscure lessons about ignoring her personal safety in order to spare him the effort of walking his dog, or whatever the agenda might be.

Can she talk to her dad about this?
That's got to be the first step. There's a world of difference between a family out walking the dog and her being sent to do it as a chore.

@mumda With her autism she finds it hard to verbalise her feelings so she won't say anything to her dad, but she will to me once she gets home.

[quote validusernames]@mumda With her autism she finds it hard to verbalise her feelings so she won't say anything to her dad, but she will to me once she gets home. [/quote]
Can you find ways of supporting her thoughts?

At this time of year, quite often I’m walking the dog in the dark and I don’t feel particularly comfortable as an NT 41 year old sometimes.

I don’t think being asked in itself is too awful, but if no one ever goes with her, or she’s doing it after about 5pm I’d discuss it. She’s not there to be a dog sitter, she’s there to see her dad.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a 14 year old walking the family dog twice a day. Chores are part and parcel of normal family life, even if she is only there 4 days/month.

However, if she feels unsafe that’s something that needs addressing by helping her to calmly risk assess the situation, whilst not dismissing her instincts (I.e. is this a rational fear) and suggest suitable alternatives to her father - for example, can the dog be walked at a different time or in a different location, or can your DD volunteer to do another chore instead (unload the dishwasher or whatever) whilst her Dad walks the dog?

She can walk the dog in more public places if she feels unsafe.

No in my opinion if she’s only there four times a month that’s not on really.

She’s still young. She shouldn’t have been walking the dog in those conditions.

@MakingTheBestOfIt I did suggest alternative chores to my DD but she said she also does those whilst she is there (like load the dishwasher).

@mumda I'll be honest, I do struggle with that. I can read her better than anyone so have always 'spoken' for her which has suited her, but in hindsight it's probably not helped her in many ways.

I agree with those saying if she's only there 4 days a month she needs to be spending the time with the father, not the dog

What type of dog is it? Is it a big bastard that would be a deterrent?

My other thought is why should she walk the dog? Sounds like the owner is too lazy to do it themselves. I wouldn’t be happy with this at all OP

validusernames can you role play the conversation with her so she can practice telling her dad ahe feels unsafe in poor visibility away from busy areas and ask him to go with her?

Alternatively or additionally brainstorm alternative solutions with her (are different, safer routes or different times of day possible? What about step siblings going with her? She can't be doing all the chores... although its possible she genuinely believes she is could she nevertheless ask about swapping the dog walking for any indoor or garden chore and ask her dad what alternative is available if he won't walk with her?

I wss walking the dog when I was about 11 but I felt comfortable doing so. She shouldn't have to walk the dog in thick fog or in an area where very few people are about. She shouldn't be walking the dog after dark either, at least not on her own.
It almost sounds like dad kicks her out with the dog so he can be with his new family. He should at the very least be going with her.
If she really can't talk to her dad I think I would say that she doesn't feel safe walking the dog and can someone go with her or can she do a different chore.

@LibbyVonTrap It's a Rottweiler. They've had it since it was a puppy.

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme Her step sister is 8 so doesn't walk the dog. Her step brother is 16 and apparently does walk the dog on occasion but is left asleep or on his Xbox most of the time.