+ve for covid, vulnerable son, guilty and dirty

SleepingStandingUp · 2022-01-01T06:27:42+00:00

I have caught covid from my sister after seeing her for my birthday, so basically all my own fault. She tested +ve that day and me a few days later. I can't stop crying with guilt. DS is due back at school Wed, he's absolutely phobic of the swabs, he is on long term o2. I couldn't say this in real life but I'm scared I'm going to kill him or put him in hospital. We've not had it so far and so whilst we've been careful, he's been in school and going to dance etc. But now I have it the risk feels different and I can't stop crying. I feel dirty. Like I'm this pox ridden thing all my kids have been hanging off and kissing and licking for DAYS and now I'm disease ridden and it'll be all on me when they all get sick. Or if DH gets it and dies ill have taken their parent away from them for what? Seeing people for my birthday? I don't know how to stop these thoughts and actually function around them Ll

Toddlerteaplease · 01/01/2022 06:30

It's not your fault. It's a virulent virus, that can get round the bodies defences. We can't keep our lives on hold for ever. So you did nothing wrong in seeing your sister. Do you normally have anxiety? As your reaction is quite extreme.

Hotyogahotchoc · 01/01/2022 06:35

You sound very anxious

Can you wear a mask and try to keep as much distance as possible with your children?

countrygirl99 · 01/01/2022 06:36

My ILs and parents rarely leave the house now due to their illnesses and disabilities. All 4 are CEV. Despite this FIL and my dad have managed to catch covid. Neither MIL or my mum have caught it off them. It's not your fault. 83yo CEV dad had a few sniffles. Dad has only just tested positive when he was admitted to hospital with his usual range of issues. So far the covid doesn't appear to be a significant factor - he is 94 and ticks several.CEV categories.

NonBlogger · 01/01/2022 06:38

I actually understand your reaction if you have a chronically ill child.

Let's look at this sensibly:
Your child goes to school. It's unlikely they would have escaped covid when they went back to school.

You can't have the whole family hide away forever. It's been nearly 2 years of covid. Some people (extreme minority) have been able to hide away all this time but most of us have had to keep living.

I'm sorry you've got it but all you can do is take sensible precautions at home.

meteoric · 01/01/2022 06:38

Hey OP, it sounds like you've had a really traumatic long rough time of it worrying for your son. So no wonder you're feeling awful and scared now that it's here. But no, this wasn't your fault or something you've done wrong.

Logically, he's been in school and at dance - he could easily have picked it up at those at any time. Seeing a grown relative for a birthday is relatively low risk in comparison.

You've chosen being a lovely cuddly mum giving him as normal a life as possible, instead of locking him in a bubble and not touching him or letting him touch you. That's good!

In terms of tackling it in your head you heard of Headspace? If not, it could be worth giving it a try. Their "noting" exercise might help in particular while doing some deep breathing:

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2022 06:41

The babies aren't sleeping so I'm shattered so my anxiety is worse than normal. I've been struggling emotionally any way and I recognise its extreme and I wouldn't feel like this about someone else having it (I wouldn't think they were dirty etc) so I'm well enough to see I'm not rational iyswim ibut I don't know how to act out anything but my anxiety. Every time one of them comes at me what do I do? The babies two. I can't pee without being created by a welcome party on my return. They steal my food and my drinks. They've missed and cuddled back to sleep. Shit shit SHIT!!

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SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2022 06:41

They just pull masks off, they hate them / think it's a game / are a bloody nightmare around the things

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Goodfood1 · 01/01/2022 06:43

Woe that's a very intense reaction. It was inevitable someone would catch it at some point.
It certainly doesn't make you dirty. You did what most people are doing nowadays.
Please try to breathe and take a step back from your negative thoughts.
Chances are he as many kids had it and was asymptomatic.
The swabs are just up the nose for lateral flow, let him do them himself.
My DS is the same absolutely scared so he does them himself even though he's 10.
And just follow the rules. Keep your distance, washing hands and mask.
It will always be here like the flu and colds.
I believe this last wave is turning it into endemic (like colds and flu) and we will be out of the pandemic soon.
We need to learn to live with it.
Big hugs.
Hope you don't have too severe reactions and are feeling well.
You really did and are doing nothing wrong.

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2022 06:45

Eldest gets in my bed every morning and gets as close as he physically can, like literally limbs stuck in any crevasse.

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SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2022 06:47

The swabs are just up the nose for lateral flow, let him do them himself he's 6, a young one with a history of medical stuff being done to him. There's no way he'd do it himself. He'd literally just say "no thank you". He gets hysterical if he even sees the packet

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Vanillacronut · 01/01/2022 06:58

As someone else said it’s a virulent virus and not your fault you have got it. I have a child who absolutely has sweats at the sight of seeing a packet of lateral flows too so he wouldn’t do it himself either. My colleague told me to pin him down and squeeze his head between my legs to do it . I didn’t tell her what I thought of that suggestion! There are four of us in my family, the adults got it and the kids didn’t and they were in isolation with us for 10 days, we couldn’t separate out so hopefully it will be the same for you.

Beseen22 · 01/01/2022 07:00

I know the feeling of feeling dirty, I work on covid areas and DH is higher risk so I have had an (unreasonable) feeling of being unclean whenever I've been isolating with symptoms. But its an incredibly transmissible virus, especially this new strain and there shouldn't be blame attached to catching it. They were saying yesterday this new variant can be caught from one infected breath in close range. All we can do is minimise risk, vaccination, reducing social contacts, masks, increased hand hygiene.

Can you contact someone who knows your son's medical conditions (appreciate its a difficult time of year to get a GP) to keep them in the loop that he has been exposed as he may meet lower parameters for accessing secondary care than other children his age? Can you try and isolate as much as possible? Having 2 DS myself i appreciate how impossible that is but to try and reduce risk. Or could you keep the baby away in the bedroom with you and try and isolate from your more vulnerable son?

You have no reason to feel guilty at all, just try and focus on getting better and getting back to cuddles with your children.

nether · 01/01/2022 07:12

I get it.

Living with someone who is highly vulnerable is tough, and when it's one of your DC the urge to protect is very strong. And you'll have been up against this, in a society where it's OK to say that families like yours should just be cut off from everyone else, and it's all too easy to think (wrongly) that it's all your fault.

It isn't. You have done nothing wrong

You sound too tired, too stressed and in need of a proper night's sleep. Can your DH look after you, and them, for a while.

Jacaranda75 · 01/01/2022 07:26

Is your DH vaccinated?

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2022 10:24

@Vanillacronut

As someone else said it’s a virulent virus and not your fault you have got it. I have a child who absolutely has sweats at the sight of seeing a packet of lateral flows too so he wouldn’t do it himself either. My colleague told me to pin him down and squeeze his head between my legs to do it

. I didn’t tell her what I thought of that suggestion! There are four of us in my family, the adults got it and the kids didn’t and they were in isolation with us for 10 days, we couldn’t separate out so hopefully it will be the same for you.

I'm just worried as DH is currently negative that if he doesn't get it for another week that'll be weeks and weeks he's off school.

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Briarshollow · 01/01/2022 10:38

Is your husband vaccinated?

Fullyhuman · 01/01/2022 11:01

OP, you poor love! You need to keep your child safe, and there’s no reliably safe option: if you keep distant from him/isolate him from everyone you hurt his emotional development; if you don’t you risk viruses and covid’s such a scary one.

He is 6. It is ok if he misses some school and sounds like the best option compared to testing. Honestly? I wouldn’t try to isolate from the children: I think it would do harm and be unlikely to be beneficial. I would contact his dr and try to keep calm, distract yourself, comedies and Disney films and whatnot - play with your kids.

You haven’t done anything wrong. Wishing you all and especially your boy very mild cases so you can breathe easier the rest of the winter.

Treezylover · 01/01/2022 11:09

People saying your response is extreme have clearly never lived in fear of losing a vulnerable child, and especially not feeling like you are the one who has risked their health- your feelings are completely valid and understandable. You sound exhausted and mentally drained, I hope you can get some support so that you can get some rest. Headspace app was a great shout. I hope your son stays well, and am sending you huge love and strength.

MajesticallyAwkward · 01/01/2022 11:14

Oh OP, I understand but honestly any of you could have gotten it, it's just by chance it was you. There's no guarantee anyone else will get it, I've known a few families where one person has tested positive and no one else has caught it so it's not a given.

Are you isolating from them now? Obviously not easy with young dc.

LindaEllen · 01/01/2022 11:15

Everyone else has given good advice already, but the only thing I have to add is a little bit of perspective - even if he DID get it, the stats are still heavily in his favour. Even people with health conditions have a much higher chance of surviving than dying. And now there are better treatments if people do end up in hospital.

I was hysterical when DP got it (it was right at the start before anyone else we knew had it) but he was absolutely fine.

CovidForChristmas · 01/01/2022 11:18

Yeah it took 6 days for my DH to get it off me. Now my DC have it too and will miss the first week back at school and nursery.
It’s a shit!
Even though I was the superspreader I don’t feel guilty. It’s just one of those things.

Xogozil · 01/01/2022 11:19

@SleepingStandingUp

The swabs are just up the nose for lateral flow, let him do them himself he's 6, a young one with a history of medical stuff being done to him. There's no way he'd do it himself. He'd literally just say "no thank you". He gets hysterical if he even sees the packet

I totally get that. In his place I think we’d all be the same.

Does your son have a specialist nurse for his condition? You could try calling him/her.
Alternatively call GP for a telephone call back and discuss your concerns.
Is there a support group for yoyr son’s condition? Calling them for support might help.

So far nothing awful has happened. Try to think in the moment, at this moment I’m the only one who’s ill. Try some calming techniques, just through yoyr breathing. Lots of examples online.

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2022 11:45

@Briarshollow

Is your husband vaccinated?

We're both tripled, done as soon as we could so boosters Early Dec

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SleepingStandingUp · 01/01/2022 11:49

Thank you every one and esp @Treezylover for getting why it's different for some of us.

I'll call his consultant once I'm home (3 mile round trip to get tested), no specific groups but I can post on a few that cover the main stuff. I'll call his cardiologist too. He's so well generally, he doesn't look like a vulnerable kid but e just have no idea. I'm hoping his mutant chromosomes (said affectionately!), will repel covid in the same way they seem to repel chickenpox (missed him twice at school) and headline (so far so clear)

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PigeonLittle · 01/01/2022 11:54

@SleepingStandingUp

Thank you every one and esp *@Treezylover* for getting why it's different for some of us.

I'll call his consultant once I'm home (3 mile round trip to get tested), no specific groups but I can post on a few that cover the main stuff. I'll call his cardiologist too. He's so well generally, he doesn't look like a vulnerable kid but e just have no idea. I'm hoping his mutant chromosomes (said affectionately!), will repel covid in the same way they seem to repel chickenpox (missed him twice at school) and headline (so far so clear)

Sometimes in a state of stress like youre having taking practical steps really helps.

Call consultants.
Check O2 levels and supply
Call GP
Write email to school
Chrck legality of LFTS in 6 yos and school attendance.

Etc

And promise yourself a bit of self care at some point today, put all the babies in the bath and pop some relaxing music on for you all. Or watch a kids film together that you also enjoy (its Frozen for me!)