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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or am I just losing the plot?

35 replies

houselikeashed · 31/12/2021 13:22

I have had parents staying now for 2 weeks. First mine, and now DH's.
I find MIL very difficult at the best of times, and now she's driving me mad.
Want to check here first to see if I need to calm down, or if MIL is being annoying….
MIL likes to "help". But she has a special skill of making things worse when she "helps". At the best of times I feel she takes over my house.

She's just gone in the kitchen and turned the radio station over. It was on Radio 2. She's turned it over to jazz music.

This has really annoyed me. AIBU? or do I just need to chill out?

OP posts:

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 31/12/2021 13:23

Can you delegate specific tasks to her such as peeling spuds or setting the table?

GaolBhoAlba · 31/12/2021 13:25

YABU. However after 2 full weeks of parents, you are forgiven 💐

LittleBearPad · 31/12/2021 13:26

Turn it back and breathe, then count the days til she goes

TimeForTeaAndG · 31/12/2021 13:26

What is she actually doing in the kitchen cos if she's taking a turn washing dishes then turning the radio is not an issue. If she just doesn't want it on and has simply changed it to suit herself then that's annoying.

Essexmate · 31/12/2021 13:27

I’m sure loads of people with disagree with me but I have a ‘my house is your house’ policy when family are over. I don’t really see them as guests so here they can do as they please really

Original poster

houselikeashed · 31/12/2021 13:37

ok. I have retreated to my bedroom for a bit. She can do whatever she wants. I shall take a bit of time out with MN for company!!
She is making herself some lunch. We all do our own thing for lunch, and have a sit down meal in the evening. This suits us, as DH works irregular hours, and the kids are teenagers with social lives.
I was emptying the dishwasher, DS was making himself some lunch too, and she just told Alexa to change the radio!

OP posts:

scaredsadandstuck · 31/12/2021 13:40

It would annoy me too, but it is a symptom of having had people in your space for 2 weeks. I would have cracked much sooner!! You are being reasonably unreasonable!

VladmirsPoutine · 31/12/2021 13:43

I think as it's the festive season just chill out. 2 weeks is a long time to have been acting as host.

FinallyHere · 31/12/2021 13:53

The saying is that visitors and fish stink after three days. Remember this and negotiate shorter visits in future.

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2021 13:55

I am not sure changing the radio is a hanging offence to be honest. Either you’re really highly strung and controlling or you’ve just had enough and have moved into unreasonable territory because of it.😃

cushioncovers · 31/12/2021 13:57

2 weeks is far too long to play hostess. This is your break as well. Have a think about how long you want both sets of parents to stay next year.

Sunbird24 · 31/12/2021 14:00

I wouldn’t arbitrarily change the radio station in someone else’s house, not even my own parents, so I do think YANBU and it’s a bit rude that she didn’t even check first. However, it’s not a hill worth dying on, and hopefully they’re going home soon!

Essexmate · 31/12/2021 14:12

I hope you’ve taken a brew up at least for your moment of peace. Maybe a nice walk would do you good (pretty much projecting at this point) 😂

Astrak · 31/12/2021 16:19

She'll be gone soon. As previous posters have recommended, take a brew and a book, put your feet up and while away the hours until she's gone.
Alternatively, give her specific tasks to do, say you are exhausted and thank her profusely for all the help she's given you.
Next time, visit her and enjoy!

Original poster

houselikeashed · 31/12/2021 17:37

Thanks all. I am just fed up with people being here I think. Sadly, it's MIL's first Christmas on her own without FIL, so I don't feel I can say go home to your empty house now.

DH say's I'm being horrible saying she can't stay so long (10 days) , but he's out working a lot of the time so doesn't feel the brunt of it.

OP posts:

HikingforScenery · 31/12/2021 17:44

If it was your mum, would you begrudge her staying 10days during her first Christmas as a widow?
I agree with your DH.

She changed the radio, so what? How’s that such a big deal?

PyjamaFan · 31/12/2021 17:50

If someone changed my radio station without checking with me first I'd be really annoyed. It's just a really rude thing to do in someone else's house.

I think I would have said something at the time though, such as 'Hey! I was listening to that!'

Normski67 · 31/12/2021 17:53

You sound like a saint for putting up with guests for 2 weeks!

Isolated101 · 31/12/2021 17:54

I’d find that annoying tbh whoever did it. I wouldn’t just walk in if one of my kids were watching or listening to something and turn over without asking. Basic manners surely.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 31/12/2021 17:57

YANBU

Jazz would see me throwing both MIL and the radio through the window.

urbanbuddha · 31/12/2021 17:59

To be fair radio 2 is total crap atm with all the fill-in DJs.

Sundancerintherain · 31/12/2021 18:00

When is she due to go home op?

vintage21 · 31/12/2021 18:01

perhaps being able to change a radio with Alexa is a bit of a novelty after all not everyone has such technology

Ivecomeoutoflurking · 31/12/2021 18:01

My MIL does little things like this, I thought it was annoying at first but after so many years it really irks me and I take great joy in going round and recorrecting everything. I.e. she changes my toilet roll round, opens windows that don't need to be opened, puts dishes away in cupboards that she thinks look better suited for them, changes radio and TV stations without asking etc etc

thing47 · 31/12/2021 18:03

@houselikeashed

Thanks all. I am just fed up with people being here I think. Sadly, it's MIL's first Christmas on her own without FIL, so I don't feel I can say go home to your empty house now. DH say's I'm being horrible saying she can't stay so long (10 days) , but he's out working a lot of the time so doesn't feel the brunt of it.

Here's your problem, OP. Tell your DH that if he wants to have his mother to stay for 10 days in the future, he has to take at least 7 of it as annual leave. If he's not prepared to do that, he doesn't get to tell you how long you have to put up with her for!

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