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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to a hotel.........

76 replies

BonVinBlanc · 31/12/2021 00:41

NC to avoid being identified, but some advice appreciated.........

My DSS (32) has yet to have his first Covid vaccination and my DH (61) had a heart attack 5 months ago - his recovery is good and he's back working full-time, but he's nonetheless high risk re Covid. We're both triple jabbed and neither have had Covid. My (otherwise healthy) dad died from Covid early on in the pandemic so I'm probably a little paranoid about it.

DH and I are on annual leave for 2 weeks and decided to pretty much isolate - ie we're not socialising, having anyone round, going to the cinema, etc, only shopping for food really. We spent Christmas Day just the two of us and it was really nice. The only thing we're doing is going out for a long walk every day (we live in the country, so we don't really come across anyone).

DSS is doing some decorating and laying carpets. DH today offered to help him. I'm beyond pissed off for two reasons. Firstly, if my DH gets Covid, it could turn out badly. Secondly, we had an agreement that we'd pretty much isolate to avoid getting Covid at this point. I accept we'll probably get it eventually, but now doesn't seem a good time given the pressures on the NHS.

If DH helps him, then it'll be tomorrow and then on the 3rd and 4th January. I'm thinking of saying that I'm going to check into a Premier Inn about 10 miles away for the next week. No big arguments, but I just feel that DH is taking too much of a risk. As well as DSS not giving a jot about Covid, there are 4 DGCs all under 10 - so all at school/nursery but none jabbed. I therefore feel that DH would be playing Russian Roulette as to whether DSS might have Covid.

Thanks for reading, AIBU?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 31/12/2021 09:14

Are you going to stay in the room and not come out?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 31/12/2021 09:16

Why isn't DSS vaccinated?

Lalliella · 31/12/2021 09:23

YABU to not check into a more luxurious hotel Op, perhaps one with a spa 😊 I don’t blame you at all. Sorry about your Dad Flowers

DixieSun · 31/12/2021 09:24

DS had covid over Christmas. We didn't isolate and lived as normal in the house. None of the rest of us caught it.

I think you're being a bit daft.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 31/12/2021 10:12

Not impressed with son here for putting his dad at risk and accepting help laying carpet from someone who is recovering from a heart attack!

LyndaLaHughes · 31/12/2021 10:20

My triple vaccinated 77 year old father who had a massive heart attack and has ongoing serious heart issues has covid now. Zero symptoms. My 78 year old mother with diabetes and high blood pressure who has had a stroke also has it and has mild cold. I have it and have a runny nose. Vaccines work. Omicron is incredibly transmissible so you cannot hide from it.

Offmyfence · 31/12/2021 10:44

@Skiptheheartsandflowers

Not impressed with son here for putting his dad at risk and accepting help laying carpet from someone who is recovering from a heart attack!
I'm not impressed with someone who thinks the DF can't decide and risk assess for himself. He knows he's had a heart attack and his DS is unvaccinated.

He's a fully functioning adult with full capacity and has decided to help his son.

Kshhuxnxk · 31/12/2021 10:59

I've read all tour responses and I have to say YABVU. Your DH is obviously missing his family yet you want to check into a hotel. I understand you loathe your dad but I'd rather take my chances and enjoy my family than stay locked up and still have the risk of covid. You need to stop being selfish.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 31/12/2021 11:04

I'm not impressed with someone who thinks the DF can't decide and risk assess for himself

Many adults are shit at assessing risk. The pandemic has shown us that. Many people also make stupid decisions! Especially where their kids are concerned. In the son's position I would get help if I needed it from someone younger who hadn't been seriously ill. His dad can offer but he could also say no.

RedBonnet · 31/12/2021 11:08

Maybe you're more upset that your dh is breaking the 'rules' that you both agreed on? If so then perhaps accept that it's OK to agree to something that in the fullness of time isn't working and needs a revisit xxx

CorrBlimeyGG · 31/12/2021 11:18

Do you think you've developed health anxiety as a response to your father's death? It's not unusual for that to happen, and likely exacerbated by the government's mixed messaging and basically leaving us to it.

If you want a few nights in a hotel then do it, but take some time to work through this irrational fear that is limiting your life. Have you thought about grief counselling?

Also keep in mind that Premier Inn does not do room service, so you'll have to mix at some point, whether that be in the bar/ restaurant, and going to a shop.

honeylulu · 31/12/2021 11:28

I'm sorry about you Dad but (kindly) YABU for the reasons PPs have said.

Your SS sounds like an utter twerp though. Didn't have time to get a vaccine, my arse! Don't even get me started on pretending to be mask exempt!!!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 31/12/2021 12:04

Not impressed with son here for putting his dad at risk and accepting help laying carpet from someone who is recovering from a heart attack!

Exactly.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 31/12/2021 12:08

@LyndaLaHughes

My triple vaccinated 77 year old father who had a massive heart attack and has ongoing serious heart issues has covid now. Zero symptoms. My 78 year old mother with diabetes and high blood pressure who has had a stroke also has it and has mild cold. I have it and have a runny nose. Vaccines work. Omicron is incredibly transmissible so you cannot hide from it.
Just because your parents have mild symptoms, doesn't mean everyone is the same.
Tiredpregnantmess · 31/12/2021 12:15

I understand that your worried about DH OP but having vaccinations does not stop it being passed on. The vaccinations are there to help with the symptoms and to prevent hospitalisations. If your worried ask him to do a test before DH helps to rule out none symptomatic but him not being vaccinated has no implication on whether or not your DH catches it.

gogohm · 31/12/2021 12:20

Yabu, mostly isolating doesn't apply to seeing he son. Perhaps suggest the son takes a lft each morning?

rookiemere · 31/12/2021 13:26

The DH offered to help his DS with the decorating. Perhaps he's tired of being treated like bone china and never seeing his own DS and DGCs. Maybe the DS doing a LFT each day is a good one, however on another thread a poster is accusing us all of being too wasteful with LFTs, so it's hard to know.

Ultimately he's a triple jabbed adult with his own autonomy.

Anammelech · 31/12/2021 13:53

@BonVinBlanc

NC to avoid being identified, but some advice appreciated.........

My DSS (32) has yet to have his first Covid vaccination and my DH (61) had a heart attack 5 months ago - his recovery is good and he's back working full-time, but he's nonetheless high risk re Covid. We're both triple jabbed and neither have had Covid. My (otherwise healthy) dad died from Covid early on in the pandemic so I'm probably a little paranoid about it.

DH and I are on annual leave for 2 weeks and decided to pretty much isolate - ie we're not socialising, having anyone round, going to the cinema, etc, only shopping for food really. We spent Christmas Day just the two of us and it was really nice. The only thing we're doing is going out for a long walk every day (we live in the country, so we don't really come across anyone).

DSS is doing some decorating and laying carpets. DH today offered to help him. I'm beyond pissed off for two reasons. Firstly, if my DH gets Covid, it could turn out badly. Secondly, we had an agreement that we'd pretty much isolate to avoid getting Covid at this point. I accept we'll probably get it eventually, but now doesn't seem a good time given the pressures on the NHS.

If DH helps him, then it'll be tomorrow and then on the 3rd and 4th January. I'm thinking of saying that I'm going to check into a Premier Inn about 10 miles away for the next week. No big arguments, but I just feel that DH is taking too much of a risk. As well as DSS not giving a jot about Covid, there are 4 DGCs all under 10 - so all at school/nursery but none jabbed. I therefore feel that DH would be playing Russian Roulette as to whether DSS might have Covid.

Thanks for reading, AIBU?

What's wrong with you?

It's his choice. You and your husband are vaccinated anyway.

Stop trying to control OTHER individuals.

ChristmasFluff · 31/12/2021 15:47

OP, why on earth did you bother getting vaccinated if you don't believe it offers you protection from the virus?

LyndaLaHughes · 31/12/2021 19:39

LyndaLaHughes
My triple vaccinated 77 year old father who had a massive heart attack and has ongoing serious heart issues has covid now. Zero symptoms. My 78 year old mother with diabetes and high blood pressure who has had a stroke also has it and has mild cold. I have it and have a runny nose. Vaccines work. Omicron is incredibly transmissible so you cannot hide from it.
Just because your parents have mild symptoms, doesn't mean everyone is the same.

I wasn't saying it was- I was merely stating my experience as a means of reassuring the op given that omicron is so transmissible that no one can hide from it. The latest data shows that the numbers of hospitalisations, particularly needing mechanical ventilation, and deaths are greatly decreased with omicron. The virus is going nowhere and so it cannot be avoided unless you never leave the house.

Theluggage15 · 31/12/2021 20:11

Your husband isn’t going there because he’s desperate to help with decorating, he wants to see his family. You going to a hotel seems some sort of weird punishment for him living his life.

Offmyfence · 01/01/2022 09:21

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Not impressed with son here for putting his dad at risk and accepting help laying carpet from someone who is recovering from a heart attack!

Exactly.

Very impressed with son knowing his dad has full capacity and is able to decide what he does and doesn't want to do!
MarshmallowFondant · 01/01/2022 09:26

How is YOU checking into a hotel for a week going to stop your DH getting Covid?

Totally bonkers.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/01/2022 10:09

If it was him that suggested isolating then I'd be pissed off with him! As he has essentially asked you to stop seeing anyone or going anywhere over a few weeks, to protect his health (as he is older with health conditions so is the vulnerable one) and then he is going back on it in a fairly big way (visiting a house with a number of unvaccinated people who have all been mixing) so it's kind of like your sacrifice has been for nothing. If nothing else it's a bit thoughtless to ask someone else to give up something for you then when they have done so, announce you're planning to do it anyway, without them (like asking someone to give up alcohol to help you cut down then merrily skip off to a party without you after you've abstained for a while). But I'd just be talking to him about all this rather than going to a hotel as not sure it achieves much and there are better ways of making a point (like going off and mixing with whoever you want as well)

YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/01/2022 10:20

Very impressed with son knowing his dad has full capacity and is able to decide what he does and doesn't want to do!

Or knowing that Dad will put his own safety at risk to see him...