I’ve been sat crying for hours because honestly I don’t want to live another year. Just to be clear, I am not thinking about ending my life, but the only reason for that is that I don’t want to do that to my children. For me, there is nothing to live for, I get no joy out of anything and I am just treading water until I can die.
It’s been like this for over 10 years now. I could bore you with the long list of why I ended up like this but trust me, there are no solutions. It’s just endless, miserable drudgery every day, rinse and repeat.
I think it’s the new year coming up which is making it worse right now. I just know what it will be like already and I don’t want to do it. I’m exhausted.