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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids acting like entitled gits

42 replies

HobgoblinGold · 30/12/2021 15:17

My son goes to a comp school. His friend goes to grammar. My son went to friends birthday party and his friends friends were acting like entitled little pricks frequently talking about how much better they were because they were going to grammar school. My son defended himself as best as he could but I can't deny this is one of the main reasons I hate these types of schools.

Wibu to talk to friends mum about this and how my sons friend did nothing whilst this happened. I would hope in saying something her son remains grounded and the perceived hierarchy in education wouldnt erode their friendship.

OP posts:
Woodlandwater · 30/12/2021 15:20

I'd let it go and speak to your son yourself about the benefits of comprehensives and how the snobbiness was not kind or appropriate. You're asking a lot of a young boy to put himself up against his friends, yes it would be amazing and courageous but also a stupid move on his part if he wants a smooth ride at his grammar.

Original poster
HobgoblinGold · 30/12/2021 15:21

@Woodlandwater all good points. I have already spoken to my son about it and also discussed the relevant literature in this area.

OP posts:
TheWayTheLightFalls · 30/12/2021 15:22

No lessons on manners at the grammar then?

I wouldn’t. But have a good chat with your son about how this attitude comes about.

icedcoffees · 30/12/2021 15:22

I really don't think it's your place to interfere with things like that. Yes, his friend didn't behave that well but it takes a lot for kids to stand up to their mates.

It sounds like pretty standard teenage arrogance IMO. A bit unpleasant but I think it's relatively common.

BooksAndGin · 30/12/2021 15:25

"Little Timmy don't worry about not going to grammar school, at least you won't be a pompous little twat and actually likeable by normal people." Grin

YANBU. I would mention something to the mother but I'd imagine she's pompous too if her child and his friends have attitudes like that!

sadpapercourtesan · 30/12/2021 15:26

The grammar school will probably be giving them all the message that they've done jolly well to earn a place, they all have glittering futures etc. They're only kids and it's a damaging message which will inevitably put up barriers between people - it always has done.

All you can do is bring up your own child to value and respect everybody equally and ignore elitism and snobbery when he encounters it. Or politely challenge it, if he's that way inclined, but that's a big ask for an 11 year old.

Waftypants · 30/12/2021 15:30

Stay out of it. He'll encounter worse than this in his life and you won't be able to right every wrong. Be glad he spotted it and support him to discuss with you when people make him feel uncomfortable.

Notimeforaname · 30/12/2021 15:31

Nope. Stay out of it. You meet people like this in life and have to learn how to deal with them.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 30/12/2021 15:34

Wibu to talk to friends mum about this and how my sons friend did nothing whilst this happened. I would hope in saying something her son remains grounded and the perceived hierarchy in education wouldnt erode their friendship

Your friend's son has to go to school with those kids. I don't think anyone at that age would risk social suicide by speaking up. I'm assuming from your post that he didn't join in the "we're better than you" type crap though. If he did join in with that then I'd be telling my son to find some new friends

MadMadMadamMim · 30/12/2021 15:35

Really? All my children have been through grammar schools. Neither they nor any of their friends considered themselves better than anyone else due to the school they were at, and I don't know anyone with this attitude. The school certainly didn't feed them this bullshit. Perhaps their parents do?

Are you in the South East?

coronabeer · 30/12/2021 15:41

My younger dd goes to a grammar school and I would be very disappointed if I ever heard that she had made comments of the sort your friend's son and his friends had made. I don't think there would be anything wrong with your telling your friend about your son's experience and how it made him feel. I would hope your friend would talk to her son about his attitude and behaviour. I think it is too much to expect her son to be able to stop his friends acting like that, but I would hope that he could change his own attitude and not join in with this arrogant, mistaken sort of unpleasant nonsense.

SummerHouse · 30/12/2021 15:42

My child is not at a grammar but I think the reverse snobbery is just as harmful. Kids can be show offs, they can be unkind, this can happen at whatever school they go to.

Thinking you are better than someone else based on the school you go to is utter bullshit. But it works both ways.

saleorbouy · 30/12/2021 15:43

I have a variety of friends who have attended either grammar, private or comprehensive schools. They're my friends now as we're all doing similar occupations and revolve in the same social circles.
We've all been to University either directly from school or later in life as mature entrants sponsored through work, so schooling has not restricted any of us in that respect.
As far as I can see if you're of sufficient intellect and have determination to do your best then success will follow regardless of the type of school you attended, aptitude and the correct attitude will get you along way in life.

footcushion · 30/12/2021 15:44

@MadMadMadamMim

Really? All my children have been through grammar schools. Neither they nor any of their friends considered themselves better than anyone else due to the school they were at, and I don't know anyone with this attitude. The school certainly didn't feed them this bullshit. Perhaps their parents do?

Are you in the South East?

I went to Grammar School and the attitude that the Grammar school kids were better than the Comp kids was very common. In our local town there are a few Comps but one is a church school - the same kind of snobbishness radiates from that school too - although mostly hear it from the parents who like to think it's more like a private school they don't have to pay for.
EmergencyPoncho · 30/12/2021 15:44

Is it a state grammar? We have that system nearby. Not exactly the same, but I went to a very academic independent school and my friends and I would not have dreamed of behaving like that. I would have much preferred to be at the local comp as it was mixed... My DD attended the local state school, her friend went to an independent school at 11; DD was invited to a slumber party with friends from the new school. She said they were show offs and excluded DD. The hostess didn't and knew they were rude. Point is, anyone who behaves like that is a rude twat.

Whitepaperroses · 30/12/2021 15:45

I think you can chat to the mum about it, it's probably going to affect your DC friendship as time goes on so you should be honest about it. I wouldn't mention her own son and that he should step in though.

I dated a lad who went to grammar school when I was a teenager. He was lovely but his mates (male and female) definitely thought they were superior due to their schooling.

poissonrouge1 · 30/12/2021 15:47

Scottish person here. Grammar schools aren’t a thing here.

So it this superiority because they’ve sat a test to get in and think they’re smarter?

coronabeer · 30/12/2021 15:48

Also, I think this attitude comes from the kids themselves and the people they choose to hang out with. My kids have been on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour in another way - from their cousins who used to boast (when their parents weren't around) about how "superior" their private school was to a state school.

ErickBroch · 30/12/2021 15:53

Stay out of it for sure. My partner and all his friends went to grammar schools in the same area as me who went to a v poor-performing state. Despite being adults I still sometimes have to sit and listen to them talking about how scary and terrible state schools are - they often mention 'gangs'! I just sit and laugh silently Grin DP does now too as he realises how ridiculous they all sound, but said when he was at school they did used to give the kids horror stories about how terrible state schools are!

PinkPiranha11 · 30/12/2021 15:56

I went to a grammar school as did all my friends (many of whom I’m still in in touch with) and none of us thought we were better than our friends who went to comprehensives. We were all from working to lower middle class backgrounds - none of us were posh. I vividly remember my mum getting a second job at night in a factory cleaning the machines to afford my tuition so I could try to get into the grammar school. This was over 20 years ago. Slightly off topic but don’t assume all grammar school kids are posh twats - it’s very often not the way.

dworky · 30/12/2021 16:02

@MadMadMadamMim

Really? All my children have been through grammar schools. Neither they nor any of their friends considered themselves better than anyone else due to the school they were at, and I don't know anyone with this attitude. The school certainly didn't feed them this bullshit. Perhaps their parents do?

Are you in the South East?

Well, these boys probably don't act like superior bullies in front of their own parents. What does the South East have to do with anything?
How ironic.
oakleaffy · 30/12/2021 16:05

[quote HobgoblinGold]@Woodlandwater all good points. I have already spoken to my son about it and also discussed the relevant literature in this area.[/quote]
My friend's family was quite financially ''Poor'' and her brother got a free scholarship to one of the UK's best schools.
He had to wear a silver pike on his lapel as a 'Scholarship boy' and he got a lot of ribbing for being a ''Poor boy'' .

Undoubtedly going to the school gave him a decent leg up, but he was a lovely boy to begin with, so wasn't twattified by his experience there.

Original poster
HobgoblinGold · 30/12/2021 16:25

@MadMadMadamMim midlands

OP posts:
Original poster
HobgoblinGold · 30/12/2021 16:29

@oakleaffy

What!?! They 'labelled' him!?! How bloody horrible.

OP posts:
gorseinon · 30/12/2021 16:45

Talk to the child's mum and/or dad. If they continue to be snobby or worse about this, in their post school life or even before then, it could make their child a target. So you can phrase it as being kind to them.

At least try.