Kids acting like entitled gits

[HobgoblinGold]

My son goes to a comp school. His friend goes to grammar. My son went to friends birthday party and his friends friends were acting like entitled little pricks frequently talking about how much better they were because they were going to grammar school. My son defended himself as best as he could but I can't deny this is one of the main reasons I hate these types of schools.

Wibu to talk to friends mum about this and how my sons friend did nothing whilst this happened. I would hope in saying something her son remains grounded and the perceived hierarchy in education wouldnt erode their friendship.

I would teach him that you’re not obliged to bother with people who aren’t decent. You can say “I don’t have time for this shit” and remove yourself from the situation and from the ‘friendship’.

Thing is, this kind of attitude exists all around wherever there is a selective school.

My dc all went to grammar (I should point out that living in East Kent it only means they are in the top 25% or so). I remember bumping into an acquaintance and being asked what schools my two eldest dc went to. I normally avoid answering this, because I know what’s actually being asked is whether they passed the 11+. I simply say the name of the town, and let them draw their own conclusions (normally they assume my dc go to a high school ). But this person was persistent. On learning they were going to the grammar school, she turned round to dc3 and said, ‘Are you going to be as clever as your brother and sister.’

It’s not surprising that some dc get an inflated sense of their own worth whilst these sort of attitudes prevail.

Take comfort in the fact that they probably won't be his friends for much longer.

I take it they are all in Year 7? Kids move on from friendships very quickly once they all go to different secondary schools. Out of sight, out of mind. And on the occasional time they DO get together, they haven't got anything to talk about. This time next year they'll have long since lost contact.

My primary school best friend went to the same school as me, but ended up in the "other half" of the year group, so our paths never crossed. By about Easter, we'd had a little squabble about something, and I didn't speak to her again for the better part of 15 years!

Children find things to compete over and that is normal. If it wasn't a grammar that was the difference the kids would still compare unreasonably. Help your child to be thoughtful, kind and secure and to see the other boys behaviour for what it is. Don't get involved with talking to parents.

Ok. I was asking if South East because we are in Lincolnshire - and so the grammar schools are all state schools and definitely not 'posh' in any way. Anyone round here who acted entitled because of the school they went to would simply be laughed at.

I think there's an age where certain boys love to put down people in the group (particularly if they're a bit jealous of one of the boys). If it wasn't about schools, they'd find something else.

With my eldest son, it was him being crap at football (they probably had a point...). With my youngest son, two boys started a pile on on his school year WhatsApp about him "stealing" their sports scholarship and how he wasn't nearly as good as them at sport. It became quite painful to watch the messages as they were really mean and my son didn't want to stoke the fire by defending himself.

As tempting as it is to say someone, boys that age don't like being seen as "snitching" to their parents. So I'd leave it unless it's said within your earshot in which case I'd say something. It's hard but ultimately kids learn to ignore the stupid comments and those making them mature enough to realise it makes them look foolish.

Nah, keep out of kiddie squabbles.

They're old enough to sort it themselves or go their separate ways.

I sometimes thing the parents are far more bothered about this sort of thing than the kids.

What horrible boys (the grammar school ones, not your son).

Years ago when DD was in infants one of her friends used to repeatedly tell me that she was better than DD as her mum said she went to a proper nursery and DD just went to a pre school in a village hall.

I think a lot of those attitudes come from the parents. I bet most of their parents are snobs!

Hm that’s tricky. On the one hand I’d say keep out of it and just have a chat with your son about it as others have suggested, because you won’t do your son any favours by getting him labelled as a snitch. On the other if I were a parent of one of the other boys I would want to pull them up on their snotty arrogant behaviour.

On balance I’d say it’s probably in your son’s best interests (which is what matters) to keep out of it. It won’t benefit him for you to get involved.

Just wanted to say thanks for all the considered responses. I'm just venturing into teenager-dom and there's definitely some Input here that I would have never have thought off. Thanks to everyone that responded.

I absolutely hate elitism. I also hate the fact that my son is getting targeted simply by where he goes to school!

The grammar school will probably be giving them all the message that they've done jolly well to earn a place, they all have glittering futures etc. They're only kids and it's a damaging message Yes this sounds very familiar. I remember getting a shock in y11 when a teacher said to us 'don't assume that because youre at a grammar school you're going to waltz through these exams. There are bright hard working kids at comprehensives too'. I'm so glad she did say that because it was a needed wake up call for me.

I never understood the attitude of kids at grammar must be posh and snobs. We got in because the day we sat the 11 plus we did well enough. That's it.

They don't even pay to go to grammar schools do they?

The private school kids I knew were nicer and not twats like that. If my child acted like that, I'd be embarrassed.

I went to a grammar school and we were always harangued in the street by those at the secondary modern telling us what snobs we were.

Works both ways I think.

I overheard one neighbours son (privately educated) tell another neighbours foster son (ASN, local high school) that he was more intelligent, stronger and better at rugby etc. I went round to my neighbour and told her what I had overheard. She was horrified, and after the bollocking he deserved, her son was most contrite. Kindness and manners are the most valuable of commodities and I’d have to say something OP.

The son of a friend of mine went to our local grammar, she talked constantly about it. She wouldn’t be just be ‘going to parent’s evening’ she would be ‘going to parent’s evening at the grammar school’ or picking her ds up early from grammar for an appointment. Her ds missed the bus so she had to drive him not just ‘to school’ but ‘to the grammar school’. It was odd. She would slip it into any conversation she could. It was really weird.

My dd once had a conversation with her ds where he proceeded to tell her he was far more intelligent than her as he went to the grammar. Apparently if she was intelligent enough she would have at least sat the 11+. Sounded just like his mother, no manners at all. We’re no longer friends.

@Tangletester I've noticed on MN there are a few posters that, if ever they mention their DCs school, call it the 'grammar school'

It's snobbery at its finest. But the funny thing is if they were as posh and upper class as they must think they are, their kids wouldn't be in a state school, grammar or not 😂

YANBU, if you are close to the friends parents. Patenting does not stop in primary school and I remember it was talking to my parents about issues like this that helped me grow as a person.