To have no idea what to do for the best

[Louisethemum]

Hi all.
I’m tying myself in knots!
We really need to move house into something bigger. We are a family of 4 in a small terrace with a tiny garden and no garage. Whilst I’m thankful for what we have, and that we are on the ladder, we need more space now that my husband and I will permanently be working the majority of time from home. We’re currently doing this really uncomfortably.
Another issue is my 9 year old daughter wouldn’t get into the good, local secondary from here (despite it being our nearest, within walking distance - it’s hugely oversubscribed). All her friends are going there as unfortunately, her primary school isn’t our closest but we really liked it, without considering our proximity to the secondary school and issues we’d have later on, when she started.
I’m now in knots as we are unable to find anything in that area to buy. Whilst our budget sounds healthy, it simply won’t stretch to anything in her primary school area and the competition is so huge things are going for 30-40k over asking, pricing us out.
I broached the subject of moving areas and therefore schools with my daughter and she collapsed into tears - begging us not to move as she didn’t want to leave her friends. It’s a lovely school and her younger brother has also just started reception is incredibly shy and is also doing well.
However, I can’t escape our dilemma. Is it best to move away and get a bigger house more fit for our families needs and budget, and have a couple of years in a new primary to make friends and then go to the local secondary together, or continue here so they don’t move primary, knowing my daughter will have to watch all her friends go to a secondary we can’t get her into? (whilst she will go to a rough, infamous one).
The area we’d move wouldn’t be particularly far as I am only able to drive places I know well due to ridiculous lack of sense of direction and anxiety and we need to keep our jobs so be fairly local.
What would you do??
Sorry for long post

Could you let your house and rent something more suitable in the right area? It may be that wfh doesn’t last that much longer so a couple of years renting might cover it.

Oh these things are always hard to decide!

What is your top priority - the school issue or the space issue?

If it is the school I would consider getting a small place in the right catchment with a plan to do a loft conversion or something when you have available budget.

If it is the space in the house, move where you can afford but don't move her primary school as why make her unhappy now?

I'd move soon as you can, if you think it will achieve the two goals of a more suitable high school and a larger home for you all. She will make new friends before the move to secondary and so will your son.

Even if she went to the same secondary school as her primary friends there's no guarantee she would still be friends with them by the end of year 7.

It sounds like you'll still be fairly local to the old friends, she could still stay in touch or continue a club she currently does to stay in touch?

Why can't you just keep her at the current primary after you move?

In your shoes I think I would focus on ensuring you are in the catchment for your preferred secondary school

If the distances involved are quite small, would it not be possible to move house (to ensure) you are in catchment but keep your DC at the same primary?

If you can't afford a bigger house in your preferred area then choose a small one that has the potential to be extended or loft converted in future if and when your budget allows

@ChristmasRobins

Could you let your house and rent something more suitable in the right area? It may be that wfh doesn’t last that much longer so a couple of years renting might cover it.

In a lot of areas, renting out your own home whilst renting 'nearby' will not be valid for school admission purposes. So might help the space issue but won't help the schooling.

Thanks for messages all. Sadly the area we want to move is a 90s construction, no space in most houses for any type of extension, loft conversions etc so if we moved to a small house, it would likely stay small, which will be hard to manage.
Both our employers have made a permanent move to WFH.
The idea behind changing her primary if we change area is twofold - number 1, she won’t have any friends when she starts secondary, and will be heartbroken to say goodbye to old ones, and two, the most likely area we move will be too far for a commune everyday.

Hi Op.
So your daughter definitely wouldn't go to the same secondary school as her friends either way? Then I'd move now.

This is exactly right. In our area the school is so oversubscribed they check all that. They will even kick kids out once they’ve started!

She may well not be in the same form or classes as her current friends at secondary anyway. But as another poster says if you can't afford a bigger house I'd move for one the same size within catchment and scope to extend, and then extend when you can afford to.

@Louisethemum

This is exactly right. In our area the school is so oversubscribed they check all that. They will even kick kids out once they’ve started!

This was a reply to the suggestion of renting our home out and renting in the catchment. A big no no

@NotVictorianHonestly

She may well not be in the same form or classes as her current friends at secondary anyway. But as another poster says if you can't afford a bigger house I'd move for one the same size within catchment and scope to extend, and then extend when you can afford to.

This won’t be an option sadly, the area doesn’t have many places where extension is an option and we need space now really 😞

I assume no scope to borrow a bit extra from doting grandparents?

Do any of the smaller houses have garages that could be made into offices? There are various clever things you can do to get natural light into them.

@NotVictorianHonestly sadly, doting grandparents are only doting on my husbands side and aren’t willing or able to help out. They would have already offered.
Things with garages tend to be snapped up for over our budget sadly 😞 especially when they have potential for extension. We went into it optimistically thinking we’d go for one of those, but had no idea the competition and ridiculous bidding wars that would await ☹️

My priority would be getting dd in catchment for the same secondary as her friends. I would pull out all the stops - even if it meant renting somewhere for a year just to get her in; so, selling your house now and renting for a year or so and then, once she's in, thinking about buying somewhere more suitable that may or may not be in catchment. Obviously you'd have to figure out the timings but I'd be tempted to start the ball rolling now as rentals may also be hard to get if it's a nice area.

Sorry, just seen your update.
I really don't think a school would kick a child out and disrupt their education just because you'd moved a few miles down the road after they'd settled in? That would be bonkers!

@OldWivesTale

My priority would be getting dd in catchment for the same secondary as her friends. I would pull out all the stops - even if it meant renting somewhere for a year just to get her in; so, selling your house now and renting for a year or so and then, once she's in, thinking about buying somewhere more suitable that may or may not be in catchment. Obviously you'd have to figure out the timings but I'd be tempted to start the ball rolling now as rentals may also be hard to get if it's a nice area.

Yes they are, we don't want to come off the ladder though. It's so hard to get on and this is such an expensive area we are really fearful we wouldn't get back on. Our budget is mainly made up of equity and we aren't really high earners, so I've got to put my foot down and say that for our families future, that just isn't an option ☹️

@OldWivesTale

My priority would be getting dd in catchment for the same secondary as her friends. I would pull out all the stops - even if it meant renting somewhere for a year just to get her in; so, selling your house now and renting for a year or so and then, once she's in, thinking about buying somewhere more suitable that may or may not be in catchment. Obviously you'd have to figure out the timings but I'd be tempted to start the ball rolling now as rentals may also be hard to get if it's a nice area.

Same.

You're in almost the same situation we were eight years ago. Old terrace with little downstairs space and no office space at all, no garden or garage, primary school was great but the secondary wasn't the one we wanted. We moved a mile away to a lovely area just outside where we really wanted to live but where we could afford a home which was much better suited to us. We left DC1 in their current school for almost a year before we moved them to the new catchment primary. DC2 wasn't yet school age. It was absolutely a good move for us as a family although I'm still sad we broke friendships for DC1.

In your situation then I'd sit tight and hope something comes up and then move later. No point in moving her to another primary just to make friends with kids she might not end up in a form with anyway.

Any chance of promotions or taking on extra work to bridge the gap in time?

@OldWivesTale

Sorry, just seen your update. I really don't think a school would kick a child out and disrupt their education just because you'd moved a few miles down the road after they'd settled in? That would be bonkers!

@OldWivesTale they do it if they catch wind that you've rented just to get In (whilst retaining a family home elsewhere) and they do it right up until the Christmas after they start. As said before we wouldn't want to come off the ladder.

@SantaMonicaPier

You're in almost the same situation we were eight years ago. Old terrace with little downstairs space and no office space at all, no garden or garage, primary school was great but the secondary wasn't the one we wanted. We moved a mile away to a lovely area just outside where we really wanted to live but where we could afford a home which was much better suited to us. We left DC1 in their current school for almost a year before we moved them to the new catchment primary. DC2 wasn't yet school age. It was absolutely a good move for us as a family although I'm still sad we broke friendships for DC1.

@SantaMonicaPier so many must be in this position. Great to hear your success story. In order to get somewhere we could afford we'd have to move 8 miles away. So a little further. It's so hard, I could go on all day with lots of little reasons for pro or con. So hard

I would prioritise the house. Plenty of kids got to a secondary school where they don't know anyone, kids make new friends.

You are the adults and have to make decisions for the whole family.

@NotVictorianHonestly

In your situation then I'd sit tight and hope something comes up and then move later. No point in moving her to another primary just to make friends with kids she might not end up in a form with anyway.

Any chance of promotions or taking on extra work to bridge the gap in time?

@NotVictorianHonestly we may have to do this. Husband has only just been promoted and already has two jobs and I work full time. It's unlikely our financial situation will improve enough in the timescales

Re the rental option, isn't the issue having a family home you're maintaining as such whilst living elsewhere? If you've rented out your existing home to another family and are renting somewhere yourself then you aren't you genuinely living in catchment?