To ask how you decided on a guardian for your will (disagreement with DH)

[ToInverness]

Just that really, I'd love to hear how you decided who to name as guardian in your will, particularly if you disagreed with your partner. I'm in a situation where I want my sister, DH wants his sister, and I've no idea where we go from here or how we resolve it. I've not helped myself because I initially agreed to his sister, but having seen over Christmas how she interacts with our LO v how my sister does, I am desperate to switch!

My sister and her DH.

They have a child close in age, same parenting values and live ten mins away, so the kids can stay at the same school.

DH was a bit put out, but his family, although lovely, do things very differently from us and that’s not how I want to raise my kids.

His eldest sister and mine are joint trustees, so his side will still be very involved.

We have this same issue - can’t agree on which sister (mine or his) and as a result we’ve just shelved the topic and not made a will!
Really need to sort this out.

In reality I think if we both died they’d live with my ILs who are in their 70s so maybe that’s the answer but I’d definitely want both sisters involved and my sister to manage their finances, we have some family money on my side so she’d be best for that.

We've only discussed this hypothetically atm but we did discuss it when SiL named us & FiL for DNiece.

ATM it's FiL then my cousin who has DC already and I know his parents would help, too. My parents are 87 and 71 so they're not a practical solution although would want them involved. My other BiLs are still young and getting eatablished atm so we wouldn't put them down until they're more settled, really.

We chose my sister because I have no doubt that she would put the kids needs above hers and can be entirely trusted with the large amount of money they’ll inherit.
DSIL on the other hand is motivated by money, and always thinks her way is the only way and her kids are entitled brats So it made the decision easy.

Re inheritance, you can have more than one trustee for the money which we have. DW mother is joint with my DSis.

Have you actually asked your sisters about this? One of them might say no and make the decision for you

We chose my BIL & his partner (child free by choice). My DB has 2 children so he wouldn't be able to prioritise my DS the way I would want (nor would I expect him to). BIL also lives very close to us so would be no issues with school etc, and has very similar opinions & values to myself.

We chose my best friend. All my family are dead, PIL wouldn’t cope and BIL and family live too far away so it would mean a complete upheaval for the DDs. Best friend has no children of her own and is probably unlikely to and she’s godmother to my eldest. We spoke about it and she’s happy to do it although I think she hopes DH and I have a very long life

Closest upbringing to the one we would have given him, which is my mum and dad. DH was in full agreement having been raised by helicopter parents.