To think this inheritance is unfair to ds?

[coffeerevelsrock]

Ex’s father died earlier this year and he shared an interest with ds1 and had a collection related to it. This collection has been given to ds by ex from his gf. It is worth some money – not a life-changing amount, but an amount that would come in very handy in a few years when the dc are reaching adulthood and would – probably a few thousand.

Nothing was given to ds2. He is a bit younger, only a couple of years, and doesn’t share this interest – in fact he hates it! I only know about this via the dc so have no way of knowing whether this was set out in a will or ex just thought ds would like the collection (ex also shares this interest, which makes me think it was his df’s wishes to give it to ds rather than his own, whether unofficially or in a will.) Ex was left enough money to buy a £200k house outright.

AIBU to think something should be set aside for ds as well? I know it’s none of my business, especially if ex fil made the decision, but I feel like even if my parents did something like this (they wouldn’t) I’d make it right via my share. My view is coloured by the fact that ex is absolutely shit with money, pays no CM and doesn’t work. Lives via a few cash in hand jobs, benefits and hand outs from his mum (divorced from his dad). Therefore, he is unlikely to ever leave anything to the dc himself and this inequality will never be made up in my view.

Today, when the dc mentioned this (they’re just back from a trip to their dad’s when the collection was given to ds) I blurted out that ds should share it with ds2 if it is ever sold – it was ds1 who mentioned it s worth and that was what prompted my comment. I know I have no right to enforce that, and couldn't anyway, but I’m pissed off at this. DS2 is constantly made to feel inferior by ex and his family, often, but not only, as a result of this shared interest, and this is the latest in a long line of incidents. Regardless, I just think it's so unfair.

AIBU to think it’s completely shit?

It’s been gifted to the one son because of his interest , it would only be unfair if he had been equally disinterested as his brother but was still solely given the gift . Life’s not fair and everything doesn’t have to be equal . If one of your children was a child actor and the other hadn’t got the same attributes and wasn’t would you expect the earning one to split his earnings ?

Inheritance really does bring out the worst in people. I’d be for 100% inheritance tax as long as it was applied across the board, then then the inequity of inheritance, which is unearned, is reduced.

OP you don’t know for sure who has actually received anything right now as it does seem as if you are describing speculation. Assuming that there actually was a Will, probate is a matter of public record which you can search on the Gov website and pay £3 or so and download it. Then you have the actual terms of anyone’s beneficiary including your ex and your son’s if it was laid out. Ensuring that your son(s) receive their correct inheritance (if any) is the job of the executor so start there. Resolving Inequity is not the job of the executor though and whilst it might seem unfair to you, it is the wishes of the deceased that have to be followed. Your DS1 might be a beneficiary or he might not. As may your DS2. Their father may also be the executor and he may also be the sole beneficiary (and therefore the property of his late DF is now his to do with as he wishes) but right now without a copy of the Will you are simply speculating and possibly causing an issue now or in the future that may not actually exist between your children. Any transfer of property is also a matter of public record so look on the Land registry and pay your £3 and download the title relating to the house and see if in fact your Ex does have a mortgage-free property (any mortgage will be listed on the title). Not paying CM I would think is your business and if you have these facts rather than anecdotes to act upon, the CSA cannot ignore them - so send the actual evidence to them. As a pp has said they might be able to put a charge on the property so you are paid. If you were married to your ex previously and did not receive a full and financial settlement at the end of the marriage you may actually be entitled to make a claim on his inheritance (be warned though he could also do the same to you if you also received an inheritance). If I were you I’d get the facts first then seek legal advice to get what you may be owed or entitled to a share of. You won’t be popular with your ex I’m sure but then again I don’t think there is much sympathy for a man who chooses not to pay anything towards keeping his children clothed and fed.

YANBU OP. Even though it’s a material thing, and not money, your ds2 is obviously going to fee side lined. If your ex was a decent human being he would have found something appropriate to pass on to him, which had belonged to his late df. But looking at your description of your ex, it’s probably not something he’s given any thought to. Maybe ask your ex if there is something which he could give your ds2 which belonged to the grandfather; just a token keepsake?

None of your business because:

Was Dc2 left anything in the will? if he was you will find out.
And are you ( ie exDH) planning on giving your 2 sons anything from your own inheritance to put away for their future? none of your business what he does with his inheritance. You focus on what you can provide. You're divorced now so just forget about his money unless it is maintenance related. Assume he's useless and isn't thinking about his kids future.

YANBU, I would also be upset about this on my DC's behalf. Not just because of the monetary value but also because it is terrible to leave one brother something and the other brother nothing. Surely the grandfather (or your ex if it was him) could have thought of something to leave his younger grandson, even though they didn't share a hobby? This sort of favouritism in a will creates lots of bad feeling.

And your ex sounds like a piece of work. Buying a house to avoid paying maintenance for his sons