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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this rude - NY

30 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/12/2021 20:40

Arranged with good friends that they would come round here for NY Eve

Texted today to confirm arrangements and got a text back saying that their plans have changed for NY Eve and they will now be having family to visit but we are welcome to come

Have said no thanks as feels like a very second hand invite and am somewhat PO-ed as have arranged internet shop etc for food for the meal etc that I will just cancel

My dad is very unwell in hospital at the moment so am probably OK that things are cancelled but the children were looking forward to it as was DH.

Is this rude or is it just me? DH thinks I should just let it go which I will but I do feel pissed off and think it’s rude. At a bare minimum, would expect to have been told that their plans had changed

OP posts:

TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 29/12/2021 20:42

Have said no thanks as feels like a very second hand invite and am somewhat PO-ed as have arranged internet shop etc for food for the meal etc that I will just cancel I really hope this was your full response. It was rude of them to wait for you to ask.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/12/2021 20:44

No. I just said we would leave coming over but thanks for the invite. I bloody felt like it though! No problem with plans changing but I would like to be told

OP posts:

pictish · 29/12/2021 20:44

Bloody rude yes.

Rumplestrumpet · 29/12/2021 20:45

Yes it was rude of them and you're right to be pissed off. But your partner is also right - try to let it go, for your own peace of mind. Focus on your family. And I wish your father a quick recovery and good health in 2022

minipie · 29/12/2021 20:45

Er yeah that’s rude. Sounds like they had forgotten.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/12/2021 20:46

@Rumplestrumpet

Thank you. I will definitely take your advice. I just needed to let of steam. And was also a bit puzzled that they would think we would want to turn up as the sad sacks that has to be invited

OP posts:

PizzasPlease · 29/12/2021 20:47

I'd not class them as 'good friends' anymore. I'd be very annoyed.

CriminalOrator · 29/12/2021 20:47

Oh that’s shitty, OP. I’m sorry. How disappointing. I’d be tempted to tell them that their actions were rude and had hurt my feelings, but I can’t bear stewing over things.

girlmom21 · 29/12/2021 20:48

When did you arrange it with them and had it been arranged or suggested?

TooWicked · 29/12/2021 20:49

“It’s a shame you didn’t let me know sooner, I’ve already ordered all the food. We’ll have to give coming to yours a miss. HNY”.

HeronLanyon · 29/12/2021 20:50

I’d hope you get proper explanation later - ie ‘family foisted themselves and we couldn’t say no (insert reason - good reason) and had just happened before your text’
For now let it go and have fun anyway.

CagneyNYPD1 · 29/12/2021 20:52

Yes, it was rude. And a bit thoughtless. It is a good thing that you got in contact to confirm. But your DH is right, let it go and enjoy the evening. I hope your Dad feels better soon.

Shiningpath · 29/12/2021 20:53

”It’s a shame you didn’t let me know sooner, I’ve already ordered all the food. We’ll have to give coming to yours a miss. HNY”.

A million times this.

SummaLuvin · 29/12/2021 20:55

Rude.

If they had changed their minds due to Covid risk I would respect that, although that should be communicated as soon as they felt that way so as not to put you out preparing for guests that wouldn’t be there.

However, you don’t change plans you made with someone just because you had a better offer elsewhere. Very poor form. And if you are brass necked enough to do it, this it should be communicated immediately.

cheezandbeanz · 29/12/2021 20:56

We invited some friends over and they haven't even bothered to reply to the text that I sent 3 days ago (she has read it).

People are weird and rude!

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/12/2021 20:58

We arranged it a few weeks ago. So far as I was aware, it was agreed; albeit verbally and not by text etc. But I thought it was quite clear

OP posts:

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/12/2021 21:00

We only found out as DH had texted tonight to confirm plans and just to say if my Dad became seriously ill we might have to cancel. Maybe they were worried about that. That said, they said their plans had changed. I have no problem with that but would expect to be told straight away

Thankfully he did text so I can cancel the shopping

OP posts:

Georgeskitchen · 29/12/2021 21:02

Yes very rude. Been in the same situation on numerous occasions by different "friends" usually last minute hospital appointment, tooth access, kids poorly
Only once did someone tell me the truth.....they had a better offer
I don't bother inviting anyone over anymore. Not worth the aggro

whynotwhatknot · 29/12/2021 21:05

so they wouldnt have even told you they werent coming if your dh hadnt text them?

out of order you could have wasted so much money

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 29/12/2021 21:07

@whynotwhatknot

so they wouldnt have even told you they werent coming if your dh hadnt text them?

out of order you could have wasted so much money

God knows. Hadn’t even thought about that TBH. 🙈

OP posts:

San141 · 29/12/2021 21:14

I'm free Nye.. with food and no company!! we could start a post around 2:30p.m UK time... when I finish work !!

EmmasMum12 · 29/12/2021 21:29

These people are not good friends. Thank goodness you now know this

Snowsaurus · 29/12/2021 21:31

Text and ask when they had planned letting you know their plans had changed.

DelurkingAJ · 29/12/2021 21:35

It’s pretty awful. But they may have family like my DPIL. I’ve never recovered from going to stay with them a few days before DMIL’s birthday and DFIL staying that they were having a big party and it had be assumed we’d be there. I then had to pull out of a BBQ we’d been due at (it was DMIL’s big birthday). DH saw this as fairly normal, I was traumatised because of how rude it meant we were to our friends. DPIL are some of the nicest people I know except for their inability to plan more than three days in advance (cf this Xmas when they agreed to come to us definitely the weekend before…we’d been asking for some time and they just couldn’t quite commit!)

PuppyMonkey · 29/12/2021 21:40

I like the use of the phrase “our plans have changed.” Makes it sound like they had very little to do with it and their plans just spontaneously took over without them in any way making a decision to do something completely different.

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